Talking About Vocabulary: Love

February 19, 2009

Over the years I have developed a slightly different vocabulary.  I have looked at a lot of the standard words used in spiritual reference and have chosen to use them in a slightly different manner.  Sometimes I have put more clear definitions on words; sometimes I do not use a particular word at all.  Today we hear about the word love.

 

Love and Acceptance

Those who have been reading my writings know about my preference to not use the word love.  For those of you who are new to this idea – I hope you find the discussion interesting.

 

I choose not to use the word love because it tends to be too ambiguous.  It seems that everyone has their own definition of what the word “love” means.  Because of this, one has a very difficult time defining and discussing what is meant by this word.  We wrote about this in a previous column.

 

Over the years I have come to use the word “acceptance” rather than the word love.  For me, I find this to be a much easier concept to describe.  It is also a much more concrete goal.  When I say that I strive to accept everyone in my life it is much easier for me to understand that goal.

 

As we look at the idea of acceptance, we get into a discussion of agreeing with what we accept.  Agreement and acceptance are two different things, which we also heard about in another previous column.  Acceptance means that we acknowledge what we understand as the reality of the situation.  We don’t have to like the situation – we just have to accept it.

 

Unconditional

More recently, I have been using the term unconditional love.  In my humble opinion, this also describes the concept of love more exactly.  By adding that one word – “unconditional” – we are clearly defining the concept of acceptance.

 

Unconditional love means that we are accepting each other as we are.  We are saying that I accept you without any judgment.  I accept you for who you are at this moment – not who or what I think you should be.

 

It’s not easy

Most people define themselves as loving people.  Even people who commit crimes of murder or political oppression see themselves as acting out of love for the people whom they love.  A dictator decides to kill thousands of people who are “enemies of the state” because they love the rest of the people who are not enemies of the state.

 

I find it is much more difficult to be accepting and practice unconditional love.  It is much easier to marginalize someone who is not like me and only accept those that are like me.  This is why I do not use the word love – I challenge myself to love unconditionally by using the terms “accept” and “unconditional love”.

 

The Challenge

So now, I challenge you to do the same.  Redefine your concept of “love” by always using the either the words “acceptance” or “unconditional love”.  In time you will learn a lot more about “love” than you ever thought was possible.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

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It Seems Easier to Hate Than to Love

November 17, 2008

Have you ever noticed that it seems easier to hate someone that it does to love them?  Have you ever wondered why that is?  Today we will take a look at why many of us prefer to hate than to love.

 

Welcome back!

We extend our usual Monday welcome back to our readers.  We hope everyone had a great weekend.  Here in this part of the northeastern US we had a rainy day on Saturday with a cool and blustery Sunday.  Drop us a line and tell us about your weekend.

 

It can be much easier to hate than love

Today we will take a look at why it seems much easier to hate than it does to love.  Before we get into today’s post I will refer you to our two part post from last month entitled “Acceptance vs. Love.”

 

In those two articles we talked about the application of the concept of acceptance versus the usual concepts that get attached to the word love.  Today we will use either the word “acceptance” or the term “unconditional love” so that we can more exactly define the ideas we are discussing.

 

OK – enough of the preamble – let’s get to today’s discussion.  Have you ever experienced the immediate flash of dislike or even hatred for someone or something?  If you are like most of us you probably have.  Have you ever wondered why it seems easier to dislike someone or something than it is to like it or them?  Let’s explore that.

 

It all stems from false self

We spent most of the month of August writing and discussing the true self and the false self.  We will not rehash that discussion today, but read the blog archives from August of 2008 to get an idea of the discussion.

 

We have previously stated that false self does not like to be different.  False self also wants to be seen as either above or below those around us.  It just cannot cope with the concept of treating others as equal.

 

Let’s take a look at these two basic truths about false self.  False self does not want to be seen as inferior.  Because of this it does not like being different.  If someone or something is different than what false self thinks they or it should be then false self feels it must assert itself by attacking the difference.

 

That attack can come out many different forms.  The attack can be a simple and subtle insult or it can be outright hatred and violence.  Because few of us ever learn to train the false self many of us view these reactions as “normal” or “just the way I am.”  Essentially, because we do not properly train our false self we view anger and violence as “normal.”

 

The other idea that we mentioned is that false self always needs to see itself above or below those around us.  We discussed this idea in our article “True Self Sees Everyone as Equal.”  Because false self is insecure and fearful it must see that it is better than those who are different.  This is especially true when false self wants to exert power over someone.  It asserts itself in a dominant manner out of fear that the other individual(s) will do the same to it.

 

If false self is in a situation where it knows that it cannot dominate the other individual it decides to be subordinate and curry the favor of the other individual.  False self gets its way in this kind of a situation by kissing up.

 

To put these two concepts together – false self does not want to do the work of learning that we are all equal.  From its fear it attempts to dominate those around it and/or attack them.

 

Now that it has determined that these other individuals are not worthy of any respect, false self decides that it has no further need for them.  Once false self gets to this point it very easily slips into anger, violence, and hatred.

 

Being true self is hard work

Learning to operate on this planet from a place of unconditional love and acceptance is very difficult at first.  We have never learned that we have a false self that is out of control.  We look around us and see that everyone else is a false self that is out of control.  We see no reason to change.

 

Yet, we eventually experience so much pain because we are an out of control false self that we find another way.  That way usually requires many years of hard work to train the false self to listen to true self.  Then there are the setbacks. 

 

We get tired of the work and the pain returns.  Eventually we notice the pain and we go back to retraining false self.  Finally we recognize that there others around us who are on the same path.  We share our experiences of retraining false self and they share theirs.

 

Together we travel our separate paths in a mutually supportive environment.  Now it starts to become easier to show unconditional love and acceptance.  We understand that hatred only hurts us, not the object of the hatred.

 

Far too many people never see or accept the path that will take them out of their pain.  For them it is just easier to hate than it is to love.  It is what they know how to do.  It is also the easiest thing for them to do.  They just allow the hate reaction and do not recognize the pain that always follows.

 

The work on this planet will not be complete until we have helped all of our brothers and sisters to understand the choice for hatred they are making.  All we can do is to help our brothers and sisters to see that they are choosing to hate.  After that it is up to them what they do about that choice.  We stand there with open arms ready to accept them, but we must give them the freedom of choice to follow whatever path they choose.

 

Today’s bonus

Our bonus thought for today is this:

 

It is also much easier to care about things than it is about people.

 

If you think you know why this is please submit a comment.  I and your fellow readers want to know your thoughts.  Why is it that so many of us would prefer to spend our time caring about things and not people?

 

That is all for today.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

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Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

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Happy 100

November 4, 2008

Today marks a milestone for this site.  This is the 100th post!  I would like to express my deepest thanks to everyone who has made this possible.

 

Today we will imitate how TV shows mark their major anniversaries – this will be a clip show.  But first…

 

Vote

Even though our 100th post is a big deal for us, there is a really big deal happening in the US today.  Today we vote for president and many other representatives. 

 

Remember – we are a representative government.  Our elected officials are not supposed to tell us what to do.  We the people tell them what to do.  Our elected officials represent us.  Exercise your free will today by voting for the officials who will best represent the way you would use your free will if you were in office.  Go and vote, now!

 

The clip show

We started this site on June 17.  We have covered a lot of topics and a lot of ideas since then.  Today we will take a somewhat chronological look at how the blog has evolved.  The way we will do that is to write a short synopsis of some of our major areas of focus and then post some links to that subject.

 

On a real clip show on TV they make you watch the clips from previous shows.  We cannot make you click the links, but we ask that in the spirit of the clip show you do just that.  I think you will be surprised at how many different subjects we have covered in just 100 posts.  Enjoy!

 

The purpose of the site

The purpose of this site has always been twofold.  The first is to explain to the Crystal, Indigo, and Star Children why they are here.  We want to explain why the mission was needed and what the current status of the mission is.

 

The other purpose of this site is to help those in the mission to understand how they can be effective in accomplishing that mission.  Our view is that the most important thing that the Crystal, Indigo, and Star Children can do is to learn how to break the attachments that come from false self.  The most important thing the mission can provide at this time is a group of people who live from their true self and can stay in the moment the vast majority of the time.

 

The manifestation

In order to manifest these objectives we started writing about the mission.  This began with a four part series entitled “Why Crystal, Indigo, and Star Children?  Why Now?”  This explained the differences between the categories crystal, indigo, and star.  This also explained why they are on this planet at this time.

 

We followed these four posts with a series of three posts that looked at the current status of the mission.  This group of posts looked at why the mission had not been very effective and what was being done to help it become more effective.

 

This was followed by nine posts that discussed several different aspects of the imminent planetary rebalancing.  We started by describing exactly what the planetary rebalancing is.  Then we heard about such things as “How Other Planets Handle the Rebalancing”, “How the Rebalancing Will Manifest”, and “How Do We Prepare for Rebalancing.”  With these and a few other topics we discussed planetary rebalancing at great length.

 

The practical part

During the first month or so we explained most of the basics about the mission; what it is, and what it is facing in the way of earth changes.  Now we needed to address the really difficult part – learning to be in the moment.

 

We started what could be termed the “spiritual” work by looking at illusions.  We published a seven part series called “Breaking Illusions”.  In this series we got a feeling for a number of the illusions that frequently keep us from making spiritual progress.

 

We next published a series of articles about various subjects related to spirituality.  I think the most important one of this group was “What is Spirituality?”  But hey, what do I know?

 

Finding ourselves

With the publication of the article “Quo Vadis?” we signaled a major change in focus.  In this article we contrast the work of the mission with the personal spiritual work each member of the mission needs to do.

 

We immediately went into the concepts of “True Self vs. False Self”.  At this point we spent many posts looking at various aspects of how the false self controls our life.  We heard about things like “False Self Attachments to People”, “False Self Wants Life to be Fair”, and “Understanding the False Self Identity.”

 

We also began to feel what it is like to live from true self.  We examined such subjects as “True Self Sees Everyone as Equal”, “How True Self Uses Possessions”, and “True Self Is Always in the Moment”.

 

Interwoven with our discussions of true self and false self were various articles about staying in the moment.  We covered various aspects of this subject including “Tips to Get Yourself in the Moment”.

 

We also published a series about “Choosing Your Family”.  This group of articles looked at a number of issues that we encounter when dealing with our family.  We also looked at the idea of unconditional love in our articles about “Love vs. Acceptance”, and “Acceptance Is Being in the Moment”.

 

The future

We have developed a small but loyal group of readers.  We will continue to publish an article every weekday for the foreseeable future.  We will continue to intermix articles about true self, being in the moment, the mission, and the planetary rebalancing.

 

We are here to serve our readers.  We look forward to your feedback and comments.  We wish more of our readers would submit more comments.  We have had several excellent suggestions for topics from our readers.  If there is something you would like to understand in greater detail please submit a comment and let us know.

 

That is all for today.  Once again, our deepest thanks to our readers who make time in their day to read what we have written.  It is the interest you take in our material that keeps us going.  Thanks!

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

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Email

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Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

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So What Makes a Good Relationship?

October 30, 2008

In the last few months we have looked at some of the concepts that are part of relationships.  We have looked at how to deal with our family, the concepts of love and acceptance, and that being in the moment is how we express our unconditional love.  Today we start to take a look at how these fit into our relationships.

 

Disclaimer

I have never held myself out as a relationship counselor.  I am not qualified or licensed as a professional counselor of any sort.  In my remarks I am not attempting to give anyone specific advice on how to resolve their current relationship problems.  I am only attempting to share my perspective about some of the factors that need to be a part of a mutually beneficial personal relationship.

 

Not my fault

Like most of you who are reading this post, I have had my problems with personal relationships.  When I was young all those problems were because of other people.  I could not imagine that I could have done anything that caused a relationship problem.

 

As I travelled my spiritual path I started to realize that I had a lot to learn about relationships.  Gradually I started to understand more about myself and what factor I played in my relationships.  I started to see that my level of spiritual understanding played a major role in my understanding of my relationships.

 

Ideal vs. real

What I observed was that there were many situations in which I unsuccessfully attempted to apply my spiritual understanding to my relationships.  I thought that if I explained where I was coming from spiritually that the other person would understand and everything would be OK.  Does this sound naïve to you?  Gradually I accepted my naïveté.

 

What I saw was that I was attempting to impose an ideal structure but not accepting the reality of the situation.  I thought that my spirituality would be understood and accepted by my partner in the relationship.

 

After having my hopes for an ideal relationship bashed several times, I decided to stand back and think about things for awhile.  To a degree, I am still thinking about my understanding of relationships.  However, I feel comfortable that I am far enough along to share some of those understandings with you.

 

Some tips – commitment

Both my personal experience and observation of others tell me that it can be very difficult for individuals of differing levels of commitment to form a happy relationship.  What seems to happen is that one person is hopeful that their commitment to their spirituality will rub off on the other person.

 

I do not think that the level of spirituality is that important.  The commitment to the spirituality seems to be the determining factor.  When both individuals are similarly committed they accept the differences in spiritual understanding.

 

The commitment helps them understand that the difference in level can be used for learning and growth rather than as an impediment.  In fact, if they were to view the difference in spiritual understanding as an impediment they could possibly be exhibiting false self behavior.  An equal commitment to personal growth and increasing understanding will help people bridge the gap between the amount that each one understands.

 

Another tip – being in the moment

We keep talking about the importance of being in the moment.  As we have said before, there is nothing more important than for us to be learning.  Being in the moment is where we find our true happiness, express our unconditional love, and truly begin to understand ourself.

 

In a relationship when we are in the moment we learn to get past the disagreements that always occur – even in the best of relationships.  Being in the moment is how we remain objective and refrain from getting involved in the petty squabbling that characterizes too many relationships.

 

And, as we learned yesterday, being in the moment is the only time we can truly express our unconditional love.  What is more important to a personal relationship than expressing our unconditional love?  The only time this can happen is when we are in the moment.

 

Another tip – acceptance

Yesterday we also talked about the idea of acceptance.  We have also written several posts on acceptance in the past few weeks.  Just like being in the moment there is a link between acceptance and unconditional love.

 

Unconditional love can only come from acceptance.  When we are not accepting we attempt to see the situation as being different than it actually is.  When we engage in this behavior we cannot express unconditional love.  The love we express will be based on our desire to see the situation differently than it actually is.

 

This usually means that we express our love either in response to a previous situation or because we want something in return in the future.  That is clearly conditional love.  Unconditional love comes only when we accept our partner and the situation as they are – with no conditions.

 

That is all for today.  Tomorrow we will continue to take a look at applying these concepts in our relationships.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

Talk to us!  Post a comment or a question!

 

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Don’t miss any updates.  Get daily posts by email.  Subscribe to this blog by clicking here: SUBSCRIBE

 

This email list is maintained by FeedBurner, a subsidiary of Google.  I hate to receive spam and advertisements in my email.  I will never sell your email address for such purposes.

 

Email

You can email us directly at:  noahnow@yahoo.com

 

Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

noahnow@yahoo.com

 


Accepting Is Also Being in the Moment

October 29, 2008

Do you realize that acceptance is part of being in the moment?  Today we will look at the relationship between being in the moment, acceptance and unconditional love.

 

Tying a few concepts together

A few of our recent posts have discussed acceptance and unconditional love, being in the moment, and how to take control of our lives through acceptance.  Today we will get a feeling for how acceptance is an important part of being in the moment.

 

Unconditional love

Let’s start with the idea of unconditional love.  As we stated in our post about sacrifice, unconditional love is love that is given with no expectation of anything in return.

 

Take a close look at this statement.  “With no expectation of anything in return.”  That means we are giving our love in the moment.  We are not doing it to repay a past situation.  Neither are we giving our love in anticipation of anything in the future.

 

Unconditional love means that we are giving our love at this moment and for this moment.  We have no thought of past or future situations.  We are giving our unconditional love because we are in the moment.

 

It appears to me that we can only give unconditional love when we are in the moment.  The converse is that when we are in the moment we always give love without conditions.

 

Acceptance

In our two part series about the concepts of acceptance and love we looked at how acceptance was an integral aspect of love.  We went so far as to state that being accepting is much harder to achieve than being loving.  There have been a few other recent posts about accepting, but the one about learning to take control of our lives by being accepting showed the power of acceptance.

 

Being in the moment

The idea of being in the moment is very common in many spiritual and religious disciplines.  We have looked at several different aspects of this concept on this site.  Back in August we wrote several posts that gave tips on being in the moment.

 

We will not discuss the importance of being in the moment in today’s column.  Please research the topic if you want to understand why this is so important.  We have several posts on this site, but there are many very good sources of information on this subject.  We highly recommend the books written by Eckhart Tolle.  Alternatively please post a comment and we can discuss this topic at length.

 

Let’s put it all together

So we now have three concepts that we would like to link together.  They are unconditional love, acceptance, and being in the moment.

 

One way of linking

There are several ways to link these concepts.  Let’s start with the idea that we want to express our unconditional love to those around us.  In order to do this we must first be accepting of them and the situation we share.

 

Accepting requires us to be in the moment.  If we are not in the moment we are attempting to live a future event or relive an event in the past.  Therefore, when we are accepting we must be in the moment in order to experience the current situation in every aspect.

 

To rephrase this idea, when we want to express our unconditional love then we must be accepting of the situation.  Unconditional love can only be given when we are in the moment because unconditional love means that we are not expecting anything in return.  Therefore, unconditional love can only happen when we are both accepting and in the moment.

 

Another way of linking

Now we view these concepts from a completely different perspective.  We start with being in the moment.  When we are in the moment we are not living any future or past events.

 

Because we are in the moment we are also accepting the people and the situation around us.  We are not denying what is going on around us.  We do not insist that the people around us treat us differently.  The situation is what it is, and the people are doing what they do.

 

By accepting the people with no preconditions we are also expressing our unconditional love.  By being in the moment we are accepting of the people and situations around us.  Through that acceptance we are also expressing our love without conditions.  Unconditional love starts with being in the moment.

 

Back to the beginning

We started this post with the idea that acceptance is also being in the moment.  What we have shown is that when we are accepting we cannot help but be in the moment.  When we are accepting and in the moment we get a nice little bonus.  That bonus is that we cannot help but express our unconditional love when we are in the moment.

 

That is all for today.  Thanks for reading.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

Talk to us!  Post a comment or a question!

 

Subscribe

 

Don’t miss any updates.  Get daily posts by email.  Subscribe to this blog by clicking here: SUBSCRIBE

 

This email list is maintained by FeedBurner, a subsidiary of Google.  I hate to receive spam and advertisements in my email.  I will never sell your email address for such purposes.

 

Email

You can email us directly at:  noahnow@yahoo.com

 

Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

noahnow@yahoo.com

 

 


If You Loved Me You Would…

October 28, 2008

How many times have we heard someone say “If you loved me you would…”?  This idea is pervasive in our culture.  Today we will take a look at what is behind the scenes when we hear these words.

 

Could it be false self?

I always cringe when I hear someone say these words.  How about you?  I don’t cringe only when someone says them to me.  I cringe when I hear them on TV, in a movie, or read them in a book.

 

Why do I cringe?  I am glad that you asked that.  What makes these words so unbearable for me is that all I hear is a false self attempting to control someone else.  On July 17 we touched on this idea in our post that talked about breaking illusions.  We also chipped around the edges of this idea in our series of posts about painful family relationships.  Today we will concentrate solely on this one idea.

 

Over the last few months we have discussed the idea that false self wants life to be simple.  False self also wants to be accepted.  However, false self is so insecure that it wants that acceptance to be guaranteed.  It wants to see signs that will prove that it is being accepted.

 

Forcing the acceptance

As we have also discussed many times, false self is a bundle of fears and attachments.  Let’s take a look at the fears having to do with being loved and accepted.

 

For today’s example we will talk about the fears and attachments of a false self in a marriage.  This example is not meant to reinforce any stereotypes.  If you feel this example is about stereotypes please just switch the characters and genders around until it works for you.

 

Also, this example could be seen as a chacterization.  The intent is to understand the process therefore we are looking at a simplistic example.  Please understand the process and then discover for yourself how it applies in situations that are around you.

 

We start our example with a man who wants to have his dinner on the table shortly after he gets home from work.  He was raised in a home where the women always prepared the meals and the men never did anything in the kitchen.  For him, the last thing a man would think of doing is preparing a meal.

 

Now the wife of our culinarily challenged man has been working at her own job outside the home.  She has an opportunity to work overtime.  Of course that would keep her from being able to prepare her husband’s dinner.  It is no surprise that he says “If you loved me you would not work overtime and make sure I ate a hot meal.”

 

Let’s apply this idea

Remember, this example is deliberately very obvious.  We all saw this coming.  But do we see the attachments?  Do we see the false self at work?  Can we take this example and apply it to situations in our life?

 

In our example the husband is clearly a self centered lout.  He is clearly attached to his experience and does not want to break those attachments.  He wants to make his wife change so that he does not have to change.

 

Do we see that any time someone utters the words “If you loved me” that we are dealing with false self attempting to dominate?  Any time we hear those words someone is attempting to manipulate at least one other person into behavior that proves a false self concept of love.

 

You know what?  You can’t prove that you love someone.  If the other person does not want to believe that you love them, nothing you do will ever convince them.  If they put up one condition, like making dinner in our example, then they will come up with another condition when the first one is met.

 

Think about children to see how this idea works.  “If you loved me you would buy me a candy bar.”  You buy the candy bar and then you hear “If you loved me you would buy me a toy.”  You buy the toy and you hear “If you loved me you would let me stay up late and watch TV.”

 

It never ends once you start to attempt to prove that you love them.  Eventually you have to discuss the meaning of love with the child or they will keep looking for proof of being loved.

 

Adults are no different

Do you really think that as we grow older we stop acting in this manner?  We learned this behavior as children and never really grow out of it.  As we mature we tend to mute the extreme nature of this behavior, but for most of us it is still there.

 

We see it all around us from others.  We must be vigilant of our own thoughts and behaviors.  We must take responsibility when we see ourselves looking for proof of love and acceptance.  We must realize that there is no proof of love and stop looking for it.  More importantly, we must stop making others do things to prove that they love us.  We don’t like it when people do it to us, we must stop doing it to others.

 

The only appropriate words

When we hear “If you loved me you would…” there are a few words that are appropriate to finish that idea.  Those are “you would love and accept me for who I am at this moment.”

 

That is all.  When we truly love and accept someone for who they are, we accept them for who they are at each moment.  That is all we can do to show them that we love them.

 

Many times their false self will not recognize or understand that acceptance.  We cannot do anything about that.  Their false self will ask for proof because it does not see that it is being accepted.  We can offer no proof other than continuing to accept the other person for who they are.

 

Other reading

This post touched on ideas that were discussed in many other postings on this site.  For further reading please refer to our posts about acceptance.  Also please look at our series of posts about dealing with our family.

 

That is all for today.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

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Love vs. Acceptance Part 2

October 17, 2008

Yesterday we started taking a look at how I learned that acceptance is the same as unconditional love.  Today we will hear some additional thoughts about how to include the idea of acceptance into our concept of love.

 

Thankful Friday

As always, we begin our Friday post with our thanks.  I would like to thank JK for sharing her comments and stories with our readers.  We are attempting to develop this blog as a dialog and those comments were helpful.

 

Also, we extend our usual thanks to WordPress for making this site available for free and to FeedBurner for distributing the daily update.  Thanks!

 

We are still talking about “love and light”

Yesterday we got a feel for how the spiritual/new age community approached the idea of love thirty years ago.  Today we take a look at where we are today.

 

In the last few years I have begun to associate more with those that are in what I consider the “spiritual” community.  In my readings and my discussions I have come across ideas that are almost identical to what I encountered twenty-five years ago.  Not the spaceships.   I mean the idea that all we need to do is become filled with “love and light” and everything will be just fine.  OK – the question still is: How do we do that?

 

Attempting the explanation

Initially I tried to explain to any one who would listen that being accepting was at the base of being loving.  After all, how can you love someone if you do not accept them for who they are and where they are?  For that matter, how can you love yourself when you do not accept yourself for who you are and where you are?  Some people did not accept this idea and others say that they accept it, but still cling to the idea that love and light is “all you need to be”.

 

In thinking about how to further explain what I have come to understand, I have found several interesting ideas.  First, almost everyone will easily identify themselves as a loving person.  Parents who mistreat their children view themselves as loving parents because they have what they think is the child’s best interest at heart.  People who start wars view themselves as loving people because they love their country and want to do what is best for their family and countrymen.

 

One doesn’t get very far when they try to show someone that they are not loving.  That person has a very strong attachment to the idea they are a loving person.  When we imply that they are not loving it usually just strengthens that attachment.

 

So, the idea of getting people to become more loving by suggesting that they are not loving is out.  Next idea?

 

How about if we work with the idea of being accepting instead?  I grant you that many people also have a very strong attachment to being “accepting”.  However, I think it is less strong than the one to being “loving”.  I have found that when you concentrate on the minutiae of people’s lives you can more readily help them see where they are not accepting, or in other words, in denial.  All you have to do is look at their pain.  The trick is getting them to look at it and accept it.

 

Helping people

I won’t get into all the foorah about helping people.  I know that you cannot force your help on anybody.  I know that if I go around “trying to help people” I am insulting them by telling them that they need help. 

 

All I will say is that it is natural to want to help someone when you see they are in pain.  All you can do is attempt to share what has helped you.  You just need to be accepting of the outcome of the attempt, whatever that outcome may be.

 

I have seen people become more loving by recognizing their lack of acceptance of the small things in their life.  These are people who identify themselves as loving people, and in their own way, they are.  However, they are in pain because of lack of acceptance.

 

The paradox

What is interesting is that many of us do not realize that when we are not accepting of others we are actually not accepting of ourselves.  Our post on September 10 discussed this idea at length.

 

We will summarize that post here, but please read that post for greater detail.  When we do not accept or like something in someone else it is because we do not like that same thing in ourself.  As we learn to like accept ourself we also learn to like and accept others.

 

Sometimes it happens the other way.  We lean to accept and like others and then learn to accept and like ourself.  It does not matter how we do it, as long as we learn acceptance.  This makes our life much happier.

 

For this reason I prefer to talk to people about the idea of accepting themself and their life the way it is.  In time, as they become more accepting, they also become more loving.

 

Homework

Here is your homework.  For the next thirty days make the conscious attempt to substitute the word “accept” or “acceptance” for the word “love”.

 

I recommend that you start by adjusting your thinking.  When you think the word “love”, rethink the thought using “accept”.  After a few days or a week, begin saying “accept” instead of love.  I hope that in a month you will see the power of this idea.

 

Please post a comment and let me know your experiences.

 

Well – that is all for another week.  I wish everyone a safe and happy weekend.

 

Until Monday –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

Talk to us!  Post a comment or a question!

 

Subscribe

 

Don’t miss any updates.  Get daily posts by email.  Subscribe to this blog by clicking here: SUBSCRIBE

 

This email list is maintained by FeedBurner, a subsidiary of Google.  I hate to receive spam and advertisements in my email.  I will never sell your email address for such purposes.

 

Email

You can email us directly at:  noahnow@yahoo.com

 

Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

noahnow@yahoo.com