Taking Responsibility Is Taking Control

October 9, 2008

Yesterday we talked at length about false self not wanting to take responsibility whenever it could get away with it.  Today we are going to see how taking responsibility can be used as a positive tool.

 

Take control

Yesterday we heard a few of the reasons that true self actually wants to take responsibility for our actions.  We heard about how true self learns more when we take responsibility for ourself.  We also heard about how taking responsibility helps to build our internal strength.

 

Today we will look at how taking responsibility actually helps us to learn to take control of our lives.

 

There was one idea that I found difficult to understand as I started my spiritual growth many years ago.  That idea was that every situation in my life is a result of a decision that I have made.  I discussed this idea in my post on July 28 entitled “I Have Met the Enemy and It Is Me.”  Today we will look at this idea more directly.

 

I chose my life

It can be very difficult to get our mind around the idea that we have chosen everything that is in our life.  We often attribute things we do not like to the fact that “we had to do it.”  This can encompass everything from our job, to our family, to why we live where we live.

 

Part of understanding that we must take responsibility for everything in our life is coming to grips with the fact that every bit of it is a result of our choices.  We will take a closer look at this idea in a future post, but for now let’s accept the premise that our life is a result of the choices we have made.

 

Our choices can empower us

Once we have accepted that everyone and everything in our life is a result of a decision we made we can start to realize that this can be very empowering. 

 

Many of us take a look at all the unpleasant things in our life and wonder how we could have made the decisions that caused the unpleasantness.  Remember false self?  Unpleasantness comes from false self.  Also, false self does not want to take a look at any of its problems.  No wonder we look at the unpleasantness and “problems” in our life and say that we could never have done that.

 

Well – if we did not do that, who did?  Hhmm… Now that we have tried to blame everyone else for our “problems” we have to ask ourselves – how are we going to fix the “problems”?

 

If we blame the “problems” on other people then we are also saying that they have to fix the “problems” they caused for us.  Fat chance that will happen!  Just try going to someone and saying — “By the way, do you realize that you caused me a “problem?”  Please fix it.”

 

OK – that was not a good idea.  So who is going to fix the “problem”?  There are two choices.  Either we expect someone else to fix our “problems” or we fix them ourselves.  I guess there is a third choice of doing nothing.  A lot of people just accept that there is no solution to their “problems” and resign themselves to an unhappy life.  I prefer not to do that.

 

We fix all of our “problems”

Once we finally accept that the people who cause us a problem are not going to fix it, we grudgingly start to accept that we must fix all of our problems.  As we begin this process we also realize that we are the ones who are creating the problems.  This is a valuable first step.  By realizing that we are the ones creating the problems we also start to realize that we can stop creating those problems.

 

The steps are usually like this:

 

  1. We accept that we have created at least a few of our own problems.
  2. We realize that we are the ones that will have to fix those problems.
  3. We start to see that there other problems that we have created and we start to fix those as well.
  4. As we are fixing our problems we start to discover that the problems are coming from the decisions that we are making.
  5. We gradually learn to examine our decisions so that we are aware of the possible problems that they can create.
  6. We accept the new problems that come from our decisions and gradually refine our decision making process so that we are making better decisions that have fewer problems associated with them.

 

The six steps listed above can take a few years to learn to integrate into our life.  On the other hand it can take only a few months or weeks.  It all depends on where we are with our spiritual growth.  In my case it took many years, but what difference does that make?  I have never claimed to be the brightest bulb in the room.

 

The six steps also describe how we move from decisions based on false self illusions to decisions that come from true self.  True self realizes that as we take control of the decision making process we are taking control of our life.  True self realizes that when we make a decision we are responsible for whatever happens as possible outcomes of that decision.

 

Many times the consequences of a decision are many years in the future.  Sometimes true self can see that far into the future when it makes the decision.  Usually false self cannot see very far into the future.  It sees the unpleasant consequences of a decision that it made many years ago and forgets that it ever made that decision.

 

True self experiences the unpleasant consequences of a decision made many years ago and accepts those consequences.  Many times we will remember why we made the decision.  However if we do not remember it, we at least accept that we made a decision that caused the unpleasant situation.  We are now free to go about fixing the new situation without the baggage of false self denial.

 

I implore you to realize that you are keeping yourself from finding your true happiness whenever you do not accept that you have created all the situations in your life.  Please do not take as long as I did to realize this.  Start now and tell yourself that you are responsible for everything in your life.  Take your control back from false self.  Soon you will realize how much more empowered and happy you have become.

 

That is all for today.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

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Seeing Through Illusions – I Am Not Responsible

October 8, 2008

We have not looked at any illusions in awhile.  Today we will look at an illusion that keeps many of us from taking complete control of our lives.  When we think things are out of our control then we think we are not responsible.

 

Housekeeping

Yesterday’s post was about an idea that I read on another site during last weekend.  At the time I was not able to make proper attribution to the original site.  If I had read my email before I wrote that post, I would have found a note from the owner of that site.  The correct site is Nerdy Renegade News.  Please click the link and go to the post for October 3 to read the original post that I wrote about yesterday.  Sorry Lisa.

 

I am not responsible

How many times have we heard this idea?  This is an illusion and it is a deeply embedded false self behavior.  Let’s look first at why false self wants to cling to this illusion.

 

As we have repeated numerous times on this site – false self does not want to take a look at the possibility it might be wrong.  Because of this, false self attempts to take responsibility for as little as possible.

 

One of the best (and frequently humorous) ways to tell that someone is engaged in false self behavior is when they refuse to take responsibility.  This can be for something that is clearly their responsibility or something that is only marginally their responsibility.  The bottom line is that when they refuse to take responsibility they are in denial.  Being in denial is actually proof that there is a problem that needs to be looked at.

 

True self seeks to take responsibility

Believe it or not, true self actually seeks to take responsibility.  There are several reasons for this.  The first is that true self knows that we must be truthful with those around us.  When we are actually responsible for something then we must acknowledge that responsibility.

 

This acknowledgement can be either private or public.  We must always make the private acknowledgement.  This will keep us from being in denial.  If a public acknowledgement is appropriate then we need to do that as well.

 

This is an interesting point because a public acknowledgement is not always necessary.  When it is we must do so.  However, as we are learning to take responsibility we will sometimes take responsibility privately but have not become strong enough to take the responsibility publicly.  That is fine.  We recognize that this is where we are and gradually build our internal strength so that we are able to take public responsibility as we find the strength to do so.

 

A strange behavior

There is an interesting offshoot of this idea that is a variation on false self illusionary behavior.  This is when we take public responsibility for something because we are “expected” to do so.  We do not take private responsibility because we do not think we are responsible.

 

True self most likely would not take public responsibility for something for which we were not responsible.  It might happen, but we would clearly understand the situation.  This behavior is usually just an extension of false self wanting to be in denial.  We say we are responsible to “get along” while internally we are busy justifying our behavior to ourself.

 

Here is how we can tell the difference between true self and false self as it relates to this behavior.  True self accepts the situation and recognizes that taking public responsibility is best for all concerned.  False self wants to deny its responsibility to itself so it takes public responsibility but justifies to itself that it really is not responsible.

 

True self wants to learn

Another reason that true self wants to take responsibility when necessary is that we want to learn.  Remember all the times we have said that the reason that we exist is to learn and grow and share that learning and growth with each other?

 

If you think about it, when we refuse to take responsibility in a situation where we are clearly responsible we are not accepting that situation.  All situations are here for us to learn from them.  When we do not accept the situation for what it truly is we cannot learn from it.

 

This is why so many of us repeat the same painful situations.  We do something and we are responsible for the outcome of that behavior.  We choose to go into denial and not take responsibility for our behavior.  We do not learn what we should have learned because we did not think we were responsible for the outcome.

 

The next time the situation comes up we act the same way.  We get the same unhappy results.  Once again we think we are not responsible and continue our denial.  We also continue to block any chance we will learn from our actions.  The pattern repeats until we are in so much pain that we finally take a look at ourself.  Or we die.

 

 

Do we want to become old and bitter?

Have you ever wondered why so many people get so bitter as they get old?  Many of them are in tremendous denial about many things and have been so for a very long time.  It is very painful to look at these things.  Instead of taking responsibility for that pain they blame everyone and everything around them for their pain.

 

Ask yourself right now – do I want to become old and bitter or do I want to become wise and happy?  The choice is yours.

 

If you want to become wise and happy one of the best ways to achieve that is to start taking responsibility right now for everything in your life.  At first it is a very scary thought, but in time we learn that it actually brings us closer to our happiness.

 

That’s all for today.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

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Email

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Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

noahnow@yahoo.com