Keep Unraveling

January 30, 2009

This week we have talked in detail about baggage and attachments.  Today we take a last look at how important it is to keep unraveling our tapestry of attachments and letting go of our baggage.

 

Thankful Friday

As we always do on Friday we will give our thanks to those around us.  I want to thank my friend Judy for giving me the idea for the post yesterday.  I never know where the ideas will come from.  She came up with a really good one.

 

As always we thank WordPress and FeedBurner for making the free tools available that make publishing and distributing this site free to all concerned.  Thanks FeedBurner and WordPress!

 

If we are not unraveling we are knitting

Yesterday we visualized an interwoven tapestry of attachments.  We talked about how attachments get interconnected and woven into a tapestry.  We also stressed the importance of unraveling the tapestry.

 

The interesting thing is that if we are not unraveling the tapestry then we are knitting it.  In other words, until we learn to let go of our attachments and unravel the tapestry we are actually adding attachments.

 

This should seem logical.  All through our lifetime false self continues to build its false identity which is based on attachments.  Until we begin to see through the attachments we continue to add to the existing attachments.

 

Knitting and unraveling simultaneously

Another interesting phenomenon is that we can be both knitting and unraveling at the same time.  This occurs when we are just beginning to understand how to let go of attachments.  We may see some of our attachments in one area – like to possessions.  We have yet to see our attachments to people.

 

What happens is that we begin to unravel our tapestry where it concerns possessions.  But, we continue to create new attachments to the people who are in our life.  This is not a problem.  If you recognize that you are doing this congratulate yourself.  You have observed your behavior and now you can begin to change the behavior you have observed.  Remember – observation is always the first step towards any change.  Eventually you will unravel faster than you are knitting.  Just trust yourself.

 

How big is your tapestry?

I brought up this idea earlier this week.  Forgive me for repeating it, but I think it is important to end our discussion of baggage and attachments with it.

 

Have you ever noticed that many people get very unhappy as they get older?  That is because they are not unraveling their tapestry.  They have never learned just how devastating the interconnected attachments are.  Instead of unraveling their tapestry they have built a very large one.

 

It is never too late to learn true happiness by unraveling the tapestry.  How big is your tapestry?  Make a commitment to yourself that you will begin unraveling it right now.  Tell yourself that you no longer need the tapestry.  You have learned that happiness comes from your true self and the tapestry just gets in the way.

 

Have a great weekend!  Until Monday –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

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A Tapestry of Attachments

January 29, 2009

I was talking with my friend Judy yesterday.  She asked me about what I had been writing for this blog.  I told her about the last few posts about baggage and attachments.  I also talked about how attachments are interconnected with each other.  She said “that is a tapestry of attachments.”  Today we look at that tapestry.

 

The interconnected attachments

Let’s take a look at how attachments can get interconnected.  This can happen in many ways.  We will look at one of the more common of those ways – the personal relationship.

 

Let’s say you are dating someone that you really like and want to marry.  You have such a crush on this person that you have a favorite song, a favorite TV show, a favorite place for dinner.  For you, your experience in the relationship is as identified with these additional things as it is with the person you are dating.

 

As it happens with many relationships, things fall apart.  You have become very attached to the person you were dating.  It may take a long time to get over that attachment.  As you get over the attachment to the person you start to recognize that you no longer want to go to dinner at that favorite place you had during the relationship.  Also, you no longer enjoy the favorite song or the TV show.  Whenever they come on you switch to something else.

 

The favorite place for dinner may be a very good restaurant with outstanding food.  You can no longer enjoy the food because of the interconnected attachment between that restaurant and you former relationship.  Does that make sense?  Not being able to enjoy a good meal because of a relationship that did not work out!  Or a great piece of music or a good TV show?

 

Unraveling the tapestry

We have talked about the pain of attachments in many of our posts.  We have shown how we do not experience true happiness until we begin to release our attachments.  When we look at the interconnected relationship of our attachments we are really talking about unraveling a tapestry of interconnected attachments.

 

To use our example from today – we have a relationship that does not work out and causes us pain.  I have chosen a few possible interconnected attachments that we may have developed during the relationship.  Each of us will have a different group of interconnected attachments – and there will probably be more than three or four in that group.

 

The trick is to see that they are interconnected and that they are keeping us from fully enjoying our life.  The interconnected attachments are keeping us from experiencing true happiness.

 

As we work on releasing a single attachment we do not necessarily have to work on the other attachments to which it is connected.  All we have to do is recognize that the attachments are connected to each other.  As we work through one attachment we begin on another in the tapestry.

 

Keep unraveling

At first it may not seem that we are getting anywhere.  That is because in the beginning we have so many attachments and they are so interconnected that progress may be hard to discern.

 

I urge you to keep working on the attachments.  Eventually you will see that you are making progress.  You will begin to see your tapestry of attachments beginning to unravel.  You will begin to experience true happiness from true self and that will become your motivation to continue to unravel the tapestry.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

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The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

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Bye Bye Baggage

January 28, 2009

We have looked at baggage for the last few days.  We have heard about where it comes from.  We have learned that we must accept the attachments before we can finally let go of the baggage.  Today we will go through the process of actually letting go of our baggage.

 

A brief look at letting go

It is quite a tall order to attempt to explain how to let go of attachments in a five hundred word post.  I will give it my best.

 

As we have discussed previously, we must first recognize that we do not want the attachments which make up our mental baggage.  This usually comes from the pain caused by those attachments.  We must get to a point that we see that we will achieve greater true happiness by letting go of our attachments.

 

It is like changing a habit

Once we have decided to let go of an attachment it takes a bit of practice to completely resolve it.  If you think about the fact that you have been holding on to the attachment for many years you will see that it has become a deeply ingrained habit.  It is said that it takes at least thirty days to change a habit.  Attachments take at least thirty days to resolve.

 

The first step in letting go of an attachment is to realize that it will take a few days to accomplish.  We are changing our thinking patterns and that will take a bit of time.  Also, we may still experience the pain of the attachment during this process.  Don’t let this stop you.  Realize that as long as you keep letting go of the attachment it will eventually leave.  When it leaves you will be one step closer to true happiness.

 

The mechanics of letting go

This may be the most difficult part to explain.  Everyone eventually develops their own technique.  I will share some things that have helped me.

 

For me, the most effective technique is to acknowledge the attachment when it causes me pain.  If I feel pain because I am in a relationship and am worried about being liked, I tell myself that it is not important if the other person likes me.  What is important is that I like myself.  As long as I like myself then it does not really matter if the other person likes me.

 

That piece of thinking has helped me to get out of relationships that were not healthy because I was sacrificing myself to be liked by someone else.  Over time I have learned to like myself and build much healthier relationships with people who also like themselves.

 

Another thought pattern that I have changed is my attitude towards money and possessions.  I used to equate my identity to money and possessions.  To change that attachment I started telling myself that my true self had nothing to do with money or possessions.  False self bases its identity on money and possessions.  True happiness comes from understanding the proper relationship with these things.  I would tell myself that true happiness comes from true self – not false self.

 

A process of repetition

For me, letting go of attachments has been a process of telling false self not to continue to hold on to the things that make us unhappy.  It is really a process of training false self to trust true self for true happiness.  If you keep at it long enough I guarantee that you will start to do the same for yourself.

 

I would very much like to hear your stories about letting go of attachments.  Please submit your comments and share how you have learned to walk the path towards true happiness.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

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© Copyright 2009 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

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We Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Baggage

January 27, 2009

This is a paraphrase of a famous line from the movie “The Treasure of the Sierra Madre.”  Yesterday we looked at how we create and accumulate mental baggage.  Today we will look at how to recognize and accept that same baggage.

 

Baggage equals attachments

Yesterday we showed how mental baggage comes from our attachments.  We learn to let go of our mental baggage in the same way learn to let go of our attachments.

 

In some earlier posts we wrote extensively about how to release attachments.  Today we will summarize the techniques we talked about earlier.  I strongly recommend that you look at the archives from August 2008 to learn more about attachments and how to get rid of them.

 

Accepting the attachment

I can sit here all day and tell you that you have an attachment and that it is causing you pain.  However, until you realize that you are in pain and that pain is coming from an attachment you will not do anything about the attachment.

 

Therefore, the first step in letting go of our baggage is to see that we are in pain.  This can be a difficult step for many of us.  Many of us are too embarrassed or too proud to admit that we are in pain.  This would mean that there is something “wrong” with our life.

 

Accepting the pain

Unfortunately the pain eventually becomes so great that we can no longer act as if there is nothing wrong.  We can no longer deny the pain because it keeps smacking us in the face.  The pain is so great that we say to ourselves that there must be a better way.

 

When we have reached the point that we admit that we are pain the next step is to accept that the pain comes from an attachment.  That seems so simple.  For many of us it is a very difficult step.

 

Accepting that the pain comes from an attachment means that we have to look at ourselves.  That means we have to take responsibility for the pain.  It also means that we can no longer blame someone or something else for our pain. 

 

Many of us find that hard to do – we want all of our problems to be caused by external situations.  That means that we do not have to look at ourselves for the answer.  Unfortunately, this state of denial only continues the pain.

 

By rolling up our sleeves and getting to work on our pain and attachments we learn that the answers are entirely in ourselves.  We see that we have chosen to be attached to ideas, people, and objects.  No one “made” us form these attachments.  We formed these attachments because we had not yet learned a better way.  Now we are learning a better way.  Now we can learn to let go of our existing attachments and hopefully keep from forming any new ones.

 

Tomorrow we will look at how to release those attachments.  Really – we don’t need no stinkin’ baggage.  Tomorrow we will see how to let it go.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

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Copyright

© Copyright 2009 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

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Let Go of the Baggage!

January 26, 2009

Today we will look at baggage.  We will see how we accumulate mental baggage, why we keep it, and how to let go of it.  That is a large task for a five hundred word posting.  It may take several posts to get through this topic.

 

What is this baggage?

Mental baggage consists of all those thoughts, objects, and people to whom we have become attached.  It is a common misperception in our society that attachments are good.

 

We hear people talk about being attached to their pets, their children, their possessions, and many other things.  They think it is normal.  In truth, each attachment actually is very detrimental.

 

A short history of baggage

To go back in history a bit, the Romans used the word impedimenta to describe baggage.  This was usually used to describe all the things (baggage) that Roman soldiers had to carry with them during a military campaign.  Although useful and necessary, their baggage was an impediment to their ability to move quickly.

 

When we talk about mental baggage we are referring to the impediments that keep us from thinking clearly.  I place attachments of every type in the category of baggage.  If you would like to read more about attachments please go to a post we wrote about why attachments are painful.

 

So why do we accumulate baggage?

The primary reason that we accumulate mental baggage is that we never let go of anything.  Think about it.  Are you still carrying around a hurtful situation from when you were a child?  Maybe it is something that happened at school.  Maybe it is something that your parents did to you.

 

As long as you still feel hurt you have baggage.  The reason that you have baggage is that you have chosen to be attached to the hurt.  Think of some of the things that you “can never forgive someone for.”  Those are also attachments that are very deep.

 

We also wrote a post about a famous film director who held on to a grudge for many years.  Years after the person who had caused the supposed hurt had died, this man continued to harbor a grudge.  That is definitely baggage.

 

We also accumulate baggage through our attachments to things and people.  Please peruse the archives of this site for postings about those types of attachments.  In short, we can become attached to any thought, object, or person that we choose.  Those attachments become baggage.

 

Another unfortunate thing about baggage is that it accumulates as we get older.  If we never learn to let go of our baggage it can do nothing else.  It will not usually go away all by itself.  That is why so many people get bitter and unhappy as they get older.  They have accumulated a lifetime of impediments to clear thinking that keeps from being happy.

 

The good news is that we can learn to let go of the baggage at any age.  Tomorrow we begin to look at how to do that.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

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Don’t miss any updates.  Get daily posts by email.  Subscribe to this blog by clicking here: SUBSCRIBE

 

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Email

You can email us directly at:  noahnow@yahoo.com

 

Copyright

© Copyright 2009 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

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There Is No Reason Not to be Happy

December 1, 2008

The more I think about it, the more I realize that there is no reason to be unhappy.  We create a lot of what we think are reasons to justify our unhappiness.  In the end these all boil down to a bunch of illusions.  Today we look at this idea.

 

Thanks to the Circle of Miracles

Yesterday I spoke at the Circle of Miracles in New Britain, PA.  I want to extend my thanks to Hannelore Goodwin and everyone there for being so accepting of me.  Everyone was so gracious and generous in their acceptance and openness to the topics that were presented.  I look forward to speaking there in the future whenever their schedule allows.

 

Why do we choose to be unhappy?

I have wondered about this question for a long time.  Sometimes I think I have an answer and at other times I am not so sure.

 

We have written extensively about happiness on this site.  True happiness comes from being in the moment.  When we are not in the moment we are acting from our false self.

 

As we know, false self is constructed from fear.  We can never be happy when we are fearful.  At best we can find a temporary relief from some of the fears which will provide a temporary appearance of happiness.  This cannot be a permanent and true happiness because the underlying fears are still there.  True happiness comes from the recognition that the false self will never bring happiness.  Consequently we quit seeking happiness from our false self.

 

But why is this so hard?

I know, I know, we have been across this ground many times before on this site.  However, it is still a very important question and it seems to warrant additional investigation.  My initial response is that we are attached to what we think happiness means.

 

By this I mean that we have a long list of things that we are conditioned to believe equate to happiness.  We can start with money, a big house and end with a fancy car, lots of vacations, and plenty of time to play golf.  Each of us has a false self that keeps a list of dozens of things that will make us happy.

 

What is the common thread that runs through all of these happiness making things?  They are all external and/or physical.  We think we will be happy because we have a relationship.  We are looking for happiness in an external circumstance (the relationship). We are also looking for our happiness from the other person in the relationship.  That is also looking for happiness externally.

 

It is pretty clear that things like money, a house, a car, and vacations are also external circumstances.  They are supposed to bring us happiness, but at best they bring us a temporary respite from our fears.  Why can’t we learn that these things are illusions?

 

The only reason that I have seen as to why it is so hard to let go of things is that we are so strongly attached to them.

 

It must be the attachments

We have dealt with attachments on this site before.  We will probably deal with them again.  They are so pervasive in our thinking it can be very difficult to learn to let go of all of them.

 

When we are children most of us are taught by parents who have attachments to the idea that external things will bring us happiness.  We are taught that birthday and Christmas presents will make us happy.  We are taught to find a good paying job that will make us happy.  We were taught that there were dozens of things that will make us happy – and we were taught to be attached to them.

 

It is the attachment that is the real problem.  The attachments mean that we have learned to identify with the possessions.  Through the attachment we think that the possessions become a part of us.  We are unhappy without the possession because it means that we are missing a piece of our self.  That is how strong the attachments become.

 

Everyone around us has the same attachments.  Does a fish know that it is swimming in water?  If everyone around us has the same attachments how can we finally realize that the attachments will never bring us happiness?

 

Hard knocks

Unfortunately, far too many of us never realize that the attachments are causing the unhappiness.  Most of us get glimpses that the attachments and the physical objects are not making us happy.  It ends with the glimpse because most of us do not know what to do after we get the glimpse.

 

What usually happens is that eventually we become so unhappy that we determine that there must be a better way.  We experience so much pain that we finally open ourselves up to another way to live our life.  This is where the spirituality comes in.  We finally begin to knowingly travel our spiritual path because it is too painful to continue as we were.

 

I hope that in the near future we will find another way for most of us to learn to travel our spiritual path.  I think that it is somewhat sad that we seem to find our spirituality as a last resort.  We try everything else and then we try spirituality.

 

Through our spirituality we find true happiness inside of us.  We learn to release our attachments because we learn to see the unhappiness they bring us.  Our spirituality becomes the most important thing in our life, not something we do when we have a few spare minutes.

 

We started this post by saying that there in no reason not to be happy.  We just have to learn to see through the illusions and excuses that come from our attachments.  We simply stop justifying our unhappiness.

 

If you have any ideas regarding how we can help each other to learn that spirituality should be our first priority please submit your comment.  Please let us know how you think we can help each other to stop finding spirituality as a last resort.

 

That is all for today.  Thanks for taking the time to read this.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

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Copyright

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The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

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Judgments Are Attachments

October 1, 2008

Today, at my Tuesday morning discussion group one of the participants made the statement “judgments are attachments.”  I had not heard it put this way before, but it made sense to me.  Here is how I see that judgments and attachments are related.

 

Quick review

We have talked many times on this site about false self attachments.  We have even talked about judgments.  Let’s do a quick review.

 

The false self identity is based in fear.  False self knows that it is not supposed to be making the decisions and becomes quite fearful.  False self then creates attachments to mask those fears.  Those attachments can be to anything imaginable.  The most common attachments are to false self’s own thoughts, the people around false self, and false self’s possessions.

 

False self fiercely defends its attachments.  Because it views the attachments as part of itself, false self attacks any threat to it’s attachments as if it were an attack on itself.

 

On September 4 we looked at the concept of judgment.  A review of that post would be helpful to understand today’s post.  We will use similar concepts today but will make a different explanation.

 

What is judgment?

As we illustrated on September 4, judgment is a false self defense mechanism.  If false self can attack someone for being different from it then it does not have to look at itself.  False self says that the other person/idea/situation is different than what it is.  Therefore we must by right and they must be wrong.

 

Judgment means that false self does not have to look at the fact that it might be wrong.  False self does not want to look to see if it is wrong.  It is afraid that if it is wrong then there is something wrong with it.  False self does not want to look at anything that might suggest that it is anything less than perfect.

 

By using judgment as the pre-emptive attack on an objective look at itself false self becomes extremely annoying.  Have you ever noticed this about judgmental people?  They were extremely annoying.  Yet you probably did not understand why.

 

Here is the reason.  A judgmental person is actually going around and telling everyone “I am right and you are wrong.”  This behavior irritates everyone who comes in contact with this judgmental person.  By everyone I mean everyone – whether they are coming from their false self or their true self.

 

The annoying judgmental person

When a judgmental person and their “I am right” behavior comes into contact with another false self the other false self usually reacts.  The other false self says to the judgmental person “You are attacking me because you are saying I am wrong.”

 

This false self must now defend itself.  What do you think it says to the judgmental person?  It says “No – I am right and you are wrong.”  I can see how this could develop into a very stimulating and interesting conversation.

 

The judgmental person also irritates someone who is coming from their true self.  True self does not get mad, but it gets frustrated.  True self realizes that as long as a false self is saying “I am right and you are wrong” it will not listen to the person who is coming from their true self.

 

The judgmental person has already decided what was right and what was wrong.  They are not interested in the facts that might show false self to be wrong.  Someone coming from their true self is sad and frustrated with this type of situation.  They know that the judgmental person is hurting themselves by not being open minded and attempting to understand the true situation.

 

True self is sad about the hurt the judgmental person is inflicting on themselves.  True self is also frustrated that they cannot get through to the other person to help them see that they are hurting themselves.  True self sits back and watches the situation.  Should an opening come true self will try again to help the other person to see for themself that they are indeed hurting themselves.

 

Summary

In summary, judgments grow out of our attachments.  They become a protective mechanism to reinforce false self behavior.  They keep false self from having to look at its shortcomings.

 

Judgmental people are very annoying because they are saying that they are right and that everyone else is wrong.  By recognizing when we are being judgmental we can become much more pleasant to be around.  We can also use our judgments to start to look at the attachments that caused the judgments.

 

That is all for today.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

Talk to us!  Post a comment or a question!

 

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Don’t miss any updates.  Get daily posts by email.  Subscribe to this blog by clicking here: SUBSCRIBE

 

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Email

You can email us directly at:  noahnow@yahoo.com

 

Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

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