Understanding the False Self Identity – part 1

August 20, 2008

Housekeeping

My apologies that yesterdays post went out late.  When I uploaded the post I filed it as a draft.  I should have published it.  I will endeavor to publish correctly in the future.  Also, I am still resolving the issue with the daily update emails that shows each paragraph as one long line.  I will keep looking into that issue until I get it resolved.

 

Today we are going to start to look at how false self develops its identity.  Are you ready?  Here we go!

 

False Self Should Not Have an Identity

As we have discussed this idea of false self, we have gotten a feeling for the nature of the false self.  In our discussion on the origin of false self we talked about how we are supposed to train our false self to listen to true self.  False self is designed to be the physical interface for true self and nothing more.

 

Because we do not train false self properly it begins to take on an identity from its surroundings.  By the time it is about age seven it has developed a very clearly defined idea of who it thinks it is supposed to be.  It is also very attached to that self created identity.

 

Unless we learn to see through this false self identity as we grow older we continue to accept the identity and the attachments.  As we grow older we continue to add items to that identity.  Because we have not learned better, we also continue to create attachments to the new additions to our identity.  Of itself, the identity is not that much of a problem.  The real problem is the attachments.  Without the attachments the false self identity gradually fades away.  In fact that is how we eventually rid ourselves of it – we let go of the attachments.

 

None of this should happen.  False self should be trained to look to true self for identity.  Some of us start to look for a better way because our false self identity has finally become so painful that we cannot live in it any longer.  During the next few days we will look at how to identify the false self identity and gradually ease our pain and unhappiness.

 

How False Self Constructs Its Identity

When we talked about how fear comes from false self, we also mentioned how false self begins to develop it false identity.  As a young and improperly trained mind false self creates attachments to the items it finds around it.  It attaches to its body, its thoughts and the people around it.  It begins to weave these attachments into the beginning of its false identity.

 

As it grows older it begins to find other external things that it can weave into its false identity.  It might pick a political party to identify with.  It might pick a religion or ethnic group to identify with.  It might view its job as a part of its identity.  Pick an external situation or object and some false self probably views it as part of its identity.

 

Elsewhere on this site we have heard about how false self views any challenge to its attachments as a challenge to itself.  Think about this for a minute.  If false self thinks that it really is all these situations to which it is attached, then it has no choice but to defend itself when those situations or attachments are questioned.

 

By questioning the situations or attachments you are questioning the identity of false self.  It thinks that it has to defend or even attack when questioned or else it will lose its identity.  It does not see that the identity is based on improper understanding.  All it knows is that it is being questioned and must defend or attack.

 

This is the source of the pain that comes when we live within this false self identity.  We are always defending or attacking in order to protect our false identity.  After awhile this becomes wearisome and many of us seek a better way to live.

 

A Few Things You Are Not

False self probably has hundreds of external situations that it thinks collectively create its identity.  I would be writing for years if I tried to list them all.  Instead we will start with a few today and continue the list tomorrow.

 

You are not our body.  True self knows that this body is only temporary and will exist only for the current lifetime.  False self is encouraged by those around it to view its body as an integral part of its identity.  Any injury to the body becomes an injury to false self which causes continuous pain and suffering.

 

You are not your opinions.  False self is constantly looking for something to help create its false identity.  Thoughts are very handy because they are always close at hand.  False self creates opinions on everything and then attaches to those opinions.  False self takes those attachments and adds them to the false identity.

 

You are not your possessions.  False self takes anything close at hand and attaches to it and then adds those attachments to its false identity.  Possessions are always nearby so they are easily added to the false self.  Like any other attachment false self sees loss of or damage to a possession as damage to itself.  Once again we see another continuous source of pain caused by false self.

 

You are not your clothes.  This is a variation on the idea of you are not your possessions.  I will mention it because many of us acquire clothes for the purpose of creating an “image”.  That “image” usually originates from false self looking to create or project its false identity.  We become unhappy if we do not have the right clothes to project this “image”.  We also become unhappy if this “image” does not make us happy.  That is a bit of circular logic, but false self does not care about logic.  It just goes and acquires some new clothes which it will use to project its “new image”.  And of course it will become unhappy with this “new image” and will have to create another “new image”.  And on it goes until we become tired of the pain.

 

That’s it for today.  Tomorrow we will look at more things that false thinks we are and true self knows we are not.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

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Email

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Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

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True Self is Always in the Moment

August 15, 2008

Today we will bring together the last two weeks of posts.  The reason why we want to be living from our true self is because true self is always in the moment.  But first…

 

Distribution Update

Last night’s email distribution was successful.  However, it appears that the paragraph formatting was lost.  Each paragraph appears as one long line.  I will continue to work on that.

 

It looks like the RSS feed is still irregular.  Sometimes it is showing as current and other times it shows as several days old.  I will continue to look into that.

 

Thankful Friday

On Fridays we spend a moment thanking people.  This week I want to thank our readers who have kept with the blog through the email distribution issues.  Thank you for taking the time to read this blog.

 

This week I want to thank my regular Thursday “A Course in Miracles” study group.  For the past year and a half you have helped me understand my true self more clearly.  You have also offered me the opportunity to share what I understand and provided me a venue in which I could fine tune my explanation skills.  The weekly discussions are stimulating and thought provoking.  Thanks!

 

And as always, we thank WordPress for providing the free site for me to write and you to read.  Thanks WordPress!

 

And now, on to the daily post!

 

The Past Two Weeks

So, you are asking yourself why we have spent the last two weeks talking about true self and false self.  The simple answer is that when we can identify and externalize the false self behavior we are left with true self.

 

True self is the source of everything we want in life.  Our happiness can only come from true self.  Anytime that false self starts to feel happy it always becomes afraid of losing that happiness.  True self knows that happiness will never go anywhere.

 

Our self confidence also comes from true self.  False self sometimes thinks it is confident.  However, this is frequently an aggressive, “in your face type” of confidence.  False self tries to “prove” it is confident.  That is not true confidence.  True self knows that it is confident and does not need to prove it.

 

For the past two weeks I have been attempting to help us see the differences between false self and true self.  I have been attempting to encourage us to learn how true self behaves and for us to learn to start behaving in that manner.  I have been showing how false self behavior is always self destructive and encouraging us to stop behaving in that manner.

 

True Self is Always in the Moment

The idea of being in the moment is discussed in many spiritual and religious practices.  It is the reason that people are encouraged to meditate.  It is the basis of prayer.  It is the single most important behavior we can learn in this or any other lifetime.

 

Let’s put together what we have been saying for the past two weeks about understanding true self and how that relates to being in the moment.  Let’s start with observation.

 

All discussions about being in the moment touch on the idea of observing.  When we are in the moment we are watching what is going on in our lives.  It is kind of like we have a vantage point that is a few inches above and behind our head.  We watch what is going on but our thinking process is slightly disengaged.  We are participating in, but not confined to what is going on around us.

 

True self is that observer.  If you reread the postings of the last few weeks you will see that whenever we talk about how to recognize and overcome false self behavior we are talking about observing that behavior.  Then we reinforce by showing that this observation is coming from true self.

 

The reason for these explanations was to attempt to show us how we are frequently in the moment for very short periods of time.  When we are in the moment we see clearly.  We are calm.  We have no fears.  Then the chatter which comes from false self jumps in and we are out of the moment.

 

Learning to Stay in the Moment

We start to see that there are fleeting seconds when we are actually in the moment.  We start to recognize that we can be in the moment.  Now the task becomes to stay in the moment for longer and longer periods of time.  That is just a matter of practice.

 

Once again, I hope that you will reread the last two weeks of discussion about true self and false self.  There are many specific examples of behaviors that we all exhibit at one time or another.  Each behavior is pulled apart and analyzed from a true self and false self perspective.

 

We describe a false self behavior and suggest where it came from.  We show how to observe that behavior.  We reinforce the idea that by observing the behavior we are observing from true self.  We are learning to stay in the moment by practicing being true self.

 

As we have said several times, this observation period usually starts with a fleeting second or two that comes from our desire to find true peace and happiness.  Frequently we say to ourselves “There has to be a better way!”  By recognizing those fleeting seconds we gradually learn to be the observer for short periods of time.  Now it is a matter of learning how to become the observer for longer periods of time.

 

No one is saying any of this is easy.  Nor is anyone saying this is hard.  Each of us finds our own way to learn to be in the moment.  From my observations it usually happens when we become absolutely and completely tired of being unhappy.

 

Then there is a trigger of some sort that is an insight to our true happiness.  At that point we decide we are going to find our true happiness no matter what the cost.  Now nothing can stop us.  We can become distracted or delayed.  We can get caught back in the false self illusions.  But somewhere inside we remember our commitment to our true happiness and we become the observer again.

 

We continue on our path knowing that we are becoming happier by the day.  We know that no matter what happens we will always return to our path.  Now we have found our true self, our true happiness and we are in the moment.

 

That’s all for today.  Have a great weekend!

 

Until Monday –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

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Email

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Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

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False Self Wants Life to be Fair

August 14, 2008

Distribution Update

It looks like we might have email distribution of the daily post working properly again.  I confess that I might have accidentally turned it off.  I definitely did change the format without realizing that I had done so.

 

I write the blog a day or two before it is posted.  Therefore the updates on the distribution may be slightly out of date.  On Wednesday morning I received the email containing that day’s post.  However it was in a “teaser” form.  I had unknowingly changed the distribution to be in this format.  I have since changed that back and hopefully today’s email distribution will be of the entire post.

 

If you missed any posts during the email distribution outage please go back and read those posts.  The discussion regarding true self/false self builds on the information from previous posts.  By not reading the other posts you might miss part of the entire explanation.

 

Sign up!  For a few days FeedBurner was not accepting new emails subscriptions.  If you were unable to sign up recently please click here to subscribe to the daily post.

 

Finally – there may still be a problem with the RSS feed being updated.  Right now the RSS feed seems to be about a week out of date and I cannot find a way to force it to update.  I am asking anyone else who is having any problems with the RSS feed to contact me so that I can research them.

 

Enough of that.  Let’s go to today’s post!

 

Life Isn’t Fair

I know – we all heard that as kids.  Did we agree with this idea then?  Do we agree with it now?

 

We have probably never agreed with the idea that life isn’t fair.  Why?  Where do we get the idea that life should be fair?

 

Hhmmm…  We have been talking about false self for almost two weeks.  Could it be that false self wants life to be fair?

 

We have talked about false self being the source of our unhappiness.  Doesn’t some form of unhappiness usually precede our insistence that life should be fair?  It would be a good guess that false self wants life to be fair.  But why?

 

When Life is Fair it is Easy

Remember that false self is composed mainly of fears and attachments.  It does not really like to think hard about things.  It wants things to be simple and readily apparent.  In our post about life being a journey we looked at the idea that false self wants life to be a formula.  A formula is easy to understand and follow.

 

In much the same way false self wants life to be fair.  It thinks that there is a formula that will bring fairness.  For example, “if I am fair to people then they should be fair to me.”  Another example would be “if I do a good job at work then I will keep my job and get raises.”

 

When false self follows some formula that it thinks will bring about fairness it is always disappointed.   It does a good job but loses its job anyway.  It is “fair” to other people but perceives that other people are not fair to it.  Then it takes these upsets personally and the downward spiral of happiness continues.

 

So if life is not fair, what is it?

 

Life Is What It Is

At first glance this seems to be either a flippant or simplistic answer.  Maybe it is both.  However, let’s take a look at it and attempt to understand it.

 

We will start with our post about why we exist.  I will summarize that post but it would be helpful if you read the entire post.

 

The reason that we exist is to learn and grow and then to share that learning and growth with those around us.

 

Believe it or not, that is all there is to life.  We touch upon that idea in greater detail in other posts on this blog so we will not spend much time on it right now.  When we start at the beginning many things become much easier to understand.

 

OK – so what does that have to do with “life is what it is?”

 

I was just getting to that.  If our main purpose in life is to learn, then if we live strictly by a formula then we drastically limit our opportunities to learn.  What do we learn if we perform tasks A, B, and C and always get result D?

 

If life is fair then all we have to do is be fair to other people and they will be fair to us.  This takes all the learning out because we think we know what it means to be fair.  “You don’t have to tell me what fair is, I already know that.”  Does that sound familiar?  That does not sound like a very open minded person, does it?

 

How can we learn when we are not open minded? We can’t.  When we are living life in a close minded way we are attempting to prove the truth of what we think we already know.  Once again, where is the new learning in that?

When we start to throw fears, attachments, self validation, and all those other marvelous characteristics of the false self into the mix, we see how we are closing off our learning opportunities.  We are trying to make life what we want it to be, and that never brings happiness.

 

It is far more satisfying to allow life to be what it is, approach it with the open mindedness of true self, and learn from the experience.  Our true self knows that life is whatever it is.  We know that true self wants to learn from whatever happens in life and therefore does not attempt to make it “fair” or otherwise fit into a formula.

 

When we recognize false self wanting life to be fair we must remember that once again we are true self observing the behavior of false self.  Tell false self that life isn’t fair – it is what it is.  Tell false self that true self knows what to do with this nebulous understanding of life.  Eventually false self will quiet down and start to trust true self.  Now we are on the path to finding our true happiness.

 

That’s all for today!  Please stop banging your head against the wall by trying to make life into something it cannot be.  As always, I want you to become at peace with yourself much sooner than I did.

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

Talk to us!  Post a comment or a question!

 

Subscribe

 

Don’t miss any updates.  Get daily posts by email.  Subscribe to this blog by clicking here: SUBSCRIBE

 

This email list is maintained by Feedburner, a subsidiary of Google.  I hate to receive spam and advertisements in my email.  I will never sell your email address for such purposes.

 

Email

You can email us directly at:  noahnow@yahoo.com

 

Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

noahnow@yahoo.com

 

 

 


More False Self Attachments to People

August 13, 2008

Update for Email Subscribers

I have been researching the ongoing issues regarding email subscriptions.  The current status is that somehow email subscriptions for our email account have been turned off.  I cannot get them turned back on even though the account settings show this service as being active.  Also, the account is rejecting any new requests for email subscriptions.

 

I apologize for these issues.  When I set up this site two months ago my research showed that FeedBurner appeared to be the premier subscription service.  They had been quite stable and provided quality service.

 

Now, because it is free, there is very little information being published by FeedBurner regarding these issues.  The support areas on the site show that other people are having similar issues with their feeds.  Also, because it is free, there is no good way to call someone at FeedBurner to find out what is going on.

 

I will continue to research this issue and keep our readers updated as I can.  Thank you for your patience and your efforts to read this blog.  Despite the problems with FeedBurner the visits to this site have been increasing.

 

Thank you for the effort you are making to read this.

 

Let’s go to today’s post!

 

Fears and Attachments Are Interconnected

As we have heard about the true self and false for the last week or so, I hope you have seen that the false self fears and attachments are closely interconnected.  Almost every time that we looked at one we have heard about the other.  I want you to really start to feel just how interconnected these two things are.  The better you understand the interconnection the sooner you will become adept at untangling them.

 

When we first start observing our behavior we usually only see the fears.  We are afraid of our boss, our spouse, the police, and so on.  We start to deal with the fears but it may take awhile to understand the underlying attachment that caused the fearful behavior.  The paradox is that the attachment is also based on a fear.  I have had a fun time pulling apart my fears and attachments.  Possibly some of that experience might help you.

 

An Example

Let’s take an example of a fear that many of us have.  We will pull it apart and look at the underlying attachment and related fears.

 

The example that we will use is a fear of our spouse.  The specific fear that we will look at is our fear that they may hurt us if they no longer like us.  Let’s step through this from the beginning:

 

  1. Starting with the base fear of false self, we find that false self knows that it is not supposed to be alone.  It knows that it should have guidance and direction but has been trained out of looking to our true self for that direction.  When it finds someone, in this example our spouse, who accepts it that fear is somewhat assuaged.
  2. Now that the fear is somewhat assuaged, false self wants to keep it that way.  It is much happier if it does not have to look at fears.  To keep the fear in check the false self creates an attachment to our spouse.  It hopes that by keeping that person around it will not have to look at the fear.
  3. Now that the attachment is in place false self develops a new fear.  That is the fear of losing or upsetting our spouse.  Remember, the attachment is supposed to enable our spouse to assuage the underlying fear of being alone.  Now we have a fear of losing our spouse.  Our actions are based on this fear, but stem from what is mentioned in points one and two.

 

In summary: false self is fearful because it knows that it is not supposed to be alone and has not been properly trained.  This fear causes it to attach to its spouse.  That attachment in turn causes fear of losing the spouse.

 

This appears to be somewhat complicated.  When we start to look at our unhappiness it is hard enough to direct that attention to ourselves.  It is much easier to blame external situations for our unhappiness.

 

The Result

Our spouse decides that they no longer want to be with us.  Do we ask “could it be all the odd behavior we exhibited because of the attachment?”  No.  We blame it on the spouse because they have hurt us.  If we are hurt it has to be because of someone else now, doesn’t it?

 

You can see how it can take awhile to start to work through the fears and attachments.  The first step, as always, is accepting that we are the source of our unhappiness.  Then we must begin to honestly observe our behavior.

 

Gradually we will see that our spouse did not hurt us.  We acted out of a fear that came from our attachment to our spouse.  Our spouse did not reject us.  They rejected our behavior.  They probably gave us many chances to change that behavior.  After multiple chances it became apparent that we were more interested in our fear and its underlying attachment than relating to our spouse in a reasonable manner.

 

Our spouse did not understand all this.  They just saw our inability to control our behavior and rejected the behavior.  How many of us have been in more than one relationship that turned out like this?  I know that I have.

 

In reality, as we begin to understand our fears and attachments they are interrelated with other fears and attachments.  Sometimes it helps to follow one fear and its attachments to its roots.  Sometimes it is better to look at the attachments and then the fears. 

 

We can see how difficult it can become to start to pull apart our fears and attachments.  Please do not be concerned.  We all learn to do it in our own ways.  My method may help you and it might not.  It does not matter.

 

What matters is that you find your own way to resolve your fears and attachments.  As you do that you will start to notice that you are becoming a much happier person.

 

 

 

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

Talk to us!  Post a comment or a question!

 

Subscribe

 

Don’t miss any updates.  Get daily posts by email.  Subscribe to this blog by clicking here: SUBSCRIBE

 

This email list is maintained by Feedburner, a subsidiary of Google.  I hate to receive spam and advertisements in my email.  I will never sell your email address for such purposes.

 

Email

You can email us directly at:  noahnow@yahoo.com

 

Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

 

 

 

noahnow@yahoo.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


True Self Sees Everyone as an Equal

August 12, 2008

Email Subscriptions

I am still attempting to determine the status of our email subscription delivery.  It does not appear that the daily email has been being sent or received in a few days.  Any feedback via a comment on the blog or by email to noahnow@yahoo.com would be greatly appreciated.

 

Now to the daily post.  Yesterday we talked about how and why false self creates attachments to people.  Today we look at how our true self relates to people.  Are you ready?  Let’s go!

 

True Self Does Not Attach to People

Our True Self has known since its creation that it did not need other individuals in order to simply exist.  It also knows that although help from other individuals is important, it does not need any particular individual for any help that it might require.

 

We all require occasional help to live our lives.  Also, we all help other individuals with their lives.  True self understands this and recognizes that attachments are not necessary.  True self knows that when we truly need help that any necessary help will be found.  True self does not need to attach itself to that help; it only needs to allow that assistance to happen.

 

False self is afraid to lose any help that might come its way.  Therefore it attaches to anyone who it thinks might help it.  Then it becomes afraid that the help might be withdrawn and attaches to the person perceived as providing help.  Frequently it will manipulate the perceived helper through blame, guilt, or shame.  The manipulation and the attachment spoil any possibility of a positive relationship.

 

True self knows we do not need to attach to anyone offering assistance.  We know that we can eventually resolve any situation, and that the appropriate assistance will always be available when we truly need it.  This inner strength and self confidence keep true self from needing attachments of any sort, especially to people.

 

True Self Treats Everyone as an Equal

Because true self has no fear of people and needs no attachments to them, we can treat each person we meet with the dignity and respect that they deserve.  True self looks at the true self in the people we meet during the course of a day. It knows that all individuals are children of the same Creator and are deserving of the same dignity and respect we want for ourselves.

 

True self does not look at and judge the false self which an individual is using for this lifetime.  True self always looks at and attempts to relate to the other true self that is operating the false self with which it is interacting physically.  As true self we do not allow the false self of another individual to cause us to lose our respect for their true self.

 

What we are describing here is the true meaning of treating everyone as an equal.  This is the way our true self relates to all other individuals.  This is how we want other individuals to relate to us, so we relate to them in the same manner.  Also, our true self does not care if the other individual does not return the same equality to us.

 

As true self we know that we cannot be diminished by any actual or perceived disrespect from someone else.  True self knows that we are doing just fine regardless of what anyone else thinks or feels about us.  Remember – it is the false self that cares about what others think about it.

 

True Self Knows That We Can Learn From Anyone

Do you remember back when we said that the purpose of existence is to learn and grow and then to share that learning and growth with each other?  Well, here is the link if you need a refresher.  Because our true self knows this, it also knows that it can learn from any other individual, no matter their level of advancement.

 

As true self we know that anyone we encounter during our day can teach us something, whether they know it or not.  True self knows that we have experience from which any individual we encounter might learn.

 

This is a very humbling realization.  We can all learn and grow from each other.  Therefore as true self we see all individuals as being equal.  We are merely attempting to learn from each other and help each other to grow.

 

This is the great engine that moves all of Creation forward.  All individuals treat each other with dignity and respect.  The primary purpose of each individual is to learn what they can and then share that learning with those around them.

 

The False Self Gets in the Way

As we have shown numerous times, false self is afraid of everything.  It does not like this idea of treating everyone as an equal.  It does not like the idea of being able to learn from anyone it encounters during the day.  After all, the false self  has to prove it is someone.  How can it do that when it has to accept that someone else might be right?

 

Any one who has read the writings on this site for awhile will recognize that we almost always come back to observing the false self behavior.  This is always the first step towards overcoming that behavior and learning to find our true happiness.  Today is no different.  Observe how our false self approaches other people during the course of your day.  Does it treat them as equals?  Does it think it can learn from them?

 

When we are observing this behavior we are being our true self.  True self knows that we must monitor our false self behavior so that we can train it to listen to true self.

 

True self wants to treat each individual with dignity and respect.  When we do this we are being our true self, not our false self.  True self knows that we exist to learn and share that learning.  When we are doing this we are being our true self.

 

The more we practice being our true self the more we gradually train our false self out of its fears and attachments.  As we learn to be our true self, the true happiness we seek comes closer.  There is no longer any room for the unhappiness that comes from our false self.

 

I keep imploring you to learn these methods of finding your true happiness.  Yes, it is a bit of work.  However it is important that we do the work.  I want nothing more than for each of you to find your true happiness much sooner that I found mine.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

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Understanding False Self – Attachments to People

August 11, 2008

Welcome Back

I hope everyone had a great weekend.  Here in my part of the northeastern US we had a gorgeous day on Saturday followed by a cool and rainy Sunday.  All in all the weather was pretty good for most of the weekend.  Thanks for coming back for today’s installment.

 

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It looks like our email subscription service is still resolving some issues.  I did not receive my daily updates last Thursday or Friday.  Because today’s content relies on those posts please read them before you read today’s post.  Here are the links to Thursday’s post and Friday’s post.

 

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Now for today’s post.  Are you ready to learn more about attachments to people?  Let’s go!

 

False Self Needs to Know Its Place

One of the valuable lessons I took from Eckhart Tolle recently was his comment that false self (or ego) is always trying to place itself above or below those around it.  This is a very powerful insight and can help us to understand when to recognize that we are acting from false self.

 

As we have stated a number of times during the past week, false self knows that it is not supposed to be alone.  When it is not trained properly it becomes very afraid.  One of the places that those fears manifest themselves is in how it relates to other people.

 

False self has a very hard time treating anyone as an equal.  Because of its fear it decides if it should be above or below someone else.  Lets’ take a closer look at this.

 

Putting Itself Below

If we meet someone that false self feels is powerful, or perceives as someone who could help us, false self usually puts that person in a superior position.  False self looks up to that person and tries not to upset that person.  It perceives that if it gets that other person mad then that person won’t like false self anymore and will not be able to help with whatever false self thinks it needs help with.

 

In other words, if false self views that it needs another person it usually puts itself below that person.  This is not always the case, nor is it the only reason why false self behaves like this, but for our purposes it will serve for our discussion.

 

Another reason that false self may put itself below another person is because it wants something directly from that person.  What it wants will differ widely from love, to money, to a job and anything else you can think of.  However the base of this choice of false self position is rooted in false self ingratiating itself with the person it has chosen to be below.

 

False self wants something from this other individual.  It thinks that if it gets the other person mad at them then they won’t give false self what it wants.  How often have we all behaved like this?

 

Putting Itself Above

When false self sees no need to respect another person it usually puts itself in a superior position.  There can be several different fears being acted upon here, so we will take a look at a few of them.

 

First, false self is very threatened by the idea of someone who is “different” from it.  It views those differences as a threat to its attachment to its ideas or its self image.  Some of the common differences that threaten false self are religion, gender, nationality, and sexual preference.

 

Next, rather than attempt to deal with these differences and treat the other individual as an equal, false self decides that they have no worth.  Finally, once false self views the person who is “different” as having no worth then it no longer needs to think about them.  It has put itself above the “different” individual and given that “different” individual no standing.

 

The Attachment Is to the Position

Once false self has decided that it is above or below someone it gets attached to that position.  Remember, false self is very scared.  False self finds change to be very scary.  False self tries to keep relationships from changing by becoming attached to either its superior or inferior position.

 

Now, in all this, false self has never consulted the other person to find out if they want to be in the inferior or superior position that our false self has so graciously bestowed on them.  Watch how this can easily lead to conflict.

 

My false self has decided for whatever it considers are reasons that you are inferior to it.  Then you decide to at least be equal.  My false self views this as a threat to its attached idea of where you should be.  Instead of blaming itself for its attachment my false self decides to blame you for deciding to change your part of the relationship.  Doesn’t this sound like a common cause for conflict and violence in our society?

 

There Are Many More Reasons

By no means do I intend to cover all the possible relationships and all the possible reasons that false self needs to place itself above or below another person.  All that I am attempting to do here is to help you to start to understand another example of false self behavior.

 

Remember, any time we want to find our true happiness we must start with observing our behavior.  We observe the behavior that we do not like because it is causing us to be unhappy.  These examples are for that purpose.

 

As you go through your day practice watching if you are considering yourself above or below those around you.  Once you start to see that you are behaving in this manner notice the situation in which you are doing so.  Then ask yourself why you are doing so.

 

Practicing this observation and question method will serve two main purposes.  First it will help you to know when you are not treating other people as equals.  Next it will start to improve all you relationships.

 

Once you start to recognize people as equals and treat them with the respect of an equal, they will be much more likely to respond to you in the same manner.  Gradually this will improve almost every one of your interpersonal relationships.

 

That’s all for today.  Tomorrow we will look at how true self relates to the people around us.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

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Email

You can email us directly at:  noahnow@yahoo.com

 

Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

 

 

noahnow@yahoo.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Recognizing Our True Self – Releasing Attachments

August 8, 2008

Housekeeping

We start today with a bit of housekeeping.  For our readers who subscribe by email – you may not have received yesterday’s post.  Our subscription service has been doing some maintenance and the post might have slipped through the cracks.  If you missed yesterday’s post please click here.  Today’s post is based on what was said yesterday.

 

Thankful Friday

Our custom is to take a minute each Friday to thank those around us.  Today we would like to thank Oprah Winfrey for the work she is doing.  Her extended webcast discussion with Eckhart Tolle about his book “A New Earth” has been helpful to many individuals.  You can also obtain podcast versions of this webcast series and many of her XM Radio broadcasts on ITunes.  We have no financial or other relationship with Oprah Winfrey or Eckhart Tolle.  We only want to thank them for their work.

 

Next we would like to thank our readers who take the time from their busy days to read these posts.  We hope what we are saying is helping you to live a happier life.  Please let us know what else we can do to help you achieve your goal of that happier life.

 

Finally we would like to thank WordPress and FeedBurner for providing the free services that make this site possible.  Thanks!

 

Recap

Yesterday we looked at the false self and its attachments.  We talked about a few common attachments and got a feeling for how unhappy we become when we live a life controlled by those attachments.

 

We ended the post by recognizing that we have all asked ourselves at one time or another “Isn’t there a better way?”  The idea I was attempting to raise was that we have all looked at out lives and recognized our unhappiness.  We have all said there must be a way to be more happy.

 

There is.  Let’s go find it!

 

True Self Sees Through the Attachments

One of the points that I am attempting to convey on this site is that we have never been totally disconnected from our true self.  It has always been there giving us guidance.  We have not listened to it for a variety of reasons, but it has always been there.

 

One of the best ways to recognize that the true self has been attempting to guide our life is when we step back and ask the question “Isn’t there a better way?”  Remember, true self is the observer.  When we ask this kind of a question we are asking it from the perspective of true self.  True self is observing our life and our attachments and is attempting to tell false self that there is a better way.  The problem comes with the answers to the question.

 

A Tangle of Interlocking Attachments

When we ask a question like “Isn’t there a better way?” we always get an answer.  That answer may be drowned out by the false self chatter, it may be an answer that we do not like, and it may be an answer that we cannot yet understand.  However, we always get an answer.

 

Let’s take a look at an example of a question that most of us have asked at one time or another about a relationship which we were in when we asked the question.  The relationship has become unhappy and we ask “Isn’t there a better way?”  The question we actually asked was probably a bit different, but the spirit was the same.  We wanted to find a way back to happiness.

 

Let’s take an answer to that question and look at some of the possible interlocking attachments that might have kept us from either accepting the answer or doing anything about making a choice for happiness.

 

So we ask our question and we get the answer that we need to end our relationship with this person and move on with our life.  True self has recognized that this relationship will not bring us happiness.  Now false self has to sort through its attachments to determine if it wants to end the relationship.  That sounds silly, but that is what happens.

 

A few common attachments that false self may have are things like “What will people think?”, “Where will I find someone else?”, “This person provides my security, how will I replace that?”  Does anyone see a pattern in these questions?  Raise your hand if you do.

 

That is correct.  All these questions have to do with some external situation.  Caring about what other people will think has become more important than finding our happiness.  Finding someone else implies that we are unable to exist without a close personal relationship.  For us to be “whole” we need someone else.  Clinging to someone because they provide security is saying that we do not have the power or ability to provide our own security.

 

Each of these attachments is looking to some external situation for something which can only be found inside.  True self provides our security.  True self does not need anyone else to be whole; it is already whole, thank you very much.  True self does not care what people think.

 

True self knows that other true selves will be supportive of its actions.  Someone else’s false self may castigate us for breaking up a relationship, but their true self will recognize that we are choosing for our happiness.  Who do we want to listen to, their supportive true self or their judgmental false self?

 

Learning to See the Attachments

In this example I am not trying to say that real life is not more complicated than the few attachments we have looked at.  However, this is entirely representative of actual situations.  In fact here are many more attachments that we deal with when we have to break up a relationship.  If there were only these three then breaking up would be easy to do.

 

The point here is that we need to start to see the attachments.  Not just when we ask true self for guidance regarding a relationship, but any time we recognize that we are unhappy.  Remember, as soon as we see that we are unhappy we have begun observing from true self.  The answers will be associated with pursuing our happiness and releasing attachments.  Please learn to at least hear the answers, even if you cannot yet do anything with the answers by releasing the attachments.  Eventually you will be able to utilize them, so for now at least listen to them.

 

Once again, this is a skill that will take a bit of time to master.  It starts with recognizing this pattern:

 

  1. Without recognizing it we get caught in an attachment.
  2. We become unhappy.
  3. We recognize that we are unhappy.
  4. We realize that when we recognize that we are unhappy we have become the observer.  Once we have become the observer our perspective is that of true self.
  5. True self will always have answers that will resolve our unhappiness.  We need to listen to those answers because they will tell us to release some of our attachments.
  6. If we cannot yet do anything with those answers, we need to at least acknowledge that they exist.
  7. Practice, practice, practice.

 

That is all for today, and this week.  Please learn to recognize that voice of true self that is telling you to let go of your attachments.  I want you to find your happiness sooner than I found mine.

 

Have a great weekend!

 

Until next week –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

Talk to us!  Post a comment or a question!

 

Subscribe

 

Don’t miss any updates.  Get daily posts by email.  Subscribe to this blog by clicking here: SUBSCRIBE

 

This email list is maintained by Feedburner, a subsidiary of Google.  I hate to receive spam and advertisements in my email.  I will never sell your email address for such purposes.

 

Email

You can email us directly at:  noahnow@yahoo.com

 

Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

noahnow@yahoo.com