Linking Forgiveness and Judgment

December 19, 2008

We have looked at the concept of forgiveness a few times this week.  I thought of another aspect of forgiveness that will finish our week.  Today we will look at how forgiveness and judgment are linked.  When we refrain from judging we begin to learn forgiveness.  But first…

 Thankful Friday

Our usual custom is to take a few minutes on Friday to thank those around us.  This week I want to thank everyone who has offered their comments about forgiveness.  This has been a popular series of posts.  Thanks to everyone for your contributions!

 We always thank WordPress and FeedBurner for making the tools available that make this site free to publish, read, and distribute.  Thanks WordPress and FeedBurner!

 A few words about judgment

We have addressed judgment in two previous posts.  In “Judge Not” we looked at how false self likes to judge.  For many of us, our false self identity is created from our judgments.  Then we get attached to those judgments and the downward spiral of unhappiness begins.

 In “Judgments Are Attachments” we looked more directly at how our judgments become attachments.  One of the ideas we explored was that many of us use judgments as a pre-emptive attack on someone.  By judging someone in this manner we think we exempt ourselves from having to like or even interact with that person.

 The link to forgiveness

Now we will take a look at the two examples of judgment that we just mentioned.  In the first example, when we create our false self identity from judgments we are also not accepting our true self.

 Our true self understands that when we judge we also draw a line.  We say “you are either with me or against me.”  True self also realizes that this way of behaving is not accepting of the other individual.  When our false self chooses to be judgmental it is rejecting the wisdom of our true self.  As we discovered the other day, when we are not accepting of our self we are also not forgiving our self.

 To summarize this link between forgiveness and judgment: when we construct our identity from false self judgments we are not accepting of our true self.  When we are not accepting of our true self we are not forgiving our self for our false self behavior.  Judging our self precludes forgiving our self.

 The other point is about judging others.  When we judge others we are saying that they have done something for which we cannot forgive them.  Again, as we discovered the other day, this also means that we are putting conditions on our love for them.

 We may think that we are protecting our self when we decide to judge someone else.  We are actually placing conditions on them and saying that we cannot love them because of those conditions.  In that, we are saying that we cannot love our self until we get rid of the same conditions.

 Whenever we judge we are saying that we cannot forgive our self or anyone else because they are not behaving the way we think they should.  As we get older the list of people who we judge and disapprove of gets longer and longer.  As the list gets longer we become more unhappy.  The only way to eliminate the list is to learn forgiveness of our self and everyone else.

 That is all for this week.  Have a safe and happy weekend!

 Until Monday –

 Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

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Judgments Are Attachments

October 1, 2008

Today, at my Tuesday morning discussion group one of the participants made the statement “judgments are attachments.”  I had not heard it put this way before, but it made sense to me.  Here is how I see that judgments and attachments are related.

 

Quick review

We have talked many times on this site about false self attachments.  We have even talked about judgments.  Let’s do a quick review.

 

The false self identity is based in fear.  False self knows that it is not supposed to be making the decisions and becomes quite fearful.  False self then creates attachments to mask those fears.  Those attachments can be to anything imaginable.  The most common attachments are to false self’s own thoughts, the people around false self, and false self’s possessions.

 

False self fiercely defends its attachments.  Because it views the attachments as part of itself, false self attacks any threat to it’s attachments as if it were an attack on itself.

 

On September 4 we looked at the concept of judgment.  A review of that post would be helpful to understand today’s post.  We will use similar concepts today but will make a different explanation.

 

What is judgment?

As we illustrated on September 4, judgment is a false self defense mechanism.  If false self can attack someone for being different from it then it does not have to look at itself.  False self says that the other person/idea/situation is different than what it is.  Therefore we must by right and they must be wrong.

 

Judgment means that false self does not have to look at the fact that it might be wrong.  False self does not want to look to see if it is wrong.  It is afraid that if it is wrong then there is something wrong with it.  False self does not want to look at anything that might suggest that it is anything less than perfect.

 

By using judgment as the pre-emptive attack on an objective look at itself false self becomes extremely annoying.  Have you ever noticed this about judgmental people?  They were extremely annoying.  Yet you probably did not understand why.

 

Here is the reason.  A judgmental person is actually going around and telling everyone “I am right and you are wrong.”  This behavior irritates everyone who comes in contact with this judgmental person.  By everyone I mean everyone – whether they are coming from their false self or their true self.

 

The annoying judgmental person

When a judgmental person and their “I am right” behavior comes into contact with another false self the other false self usually reacts.  The other false self says to the judgmental person “You are attacking me because you are saying I am wrong.”

 

This false self must now defend itself.  What do you think it says to the judgmental person?  It says “No – I am right and you are wrong.”  I can see how this could develop into a very stimulating and interesting conversation.

 

The judgmental person also irritates someone who is coming from their true self.  True self does not get mad, but it gets frustrated.  True self realizes that as long as a false self is saying “I am right and you are wrong” it will not listen to the person who is coming from their true self.

 

The judgmental person has already decided what was right and what was wrong.  They are not interested in the facts that might show false self to be wrong.  Someone coming from their true self is sad and frustrated with this type of situation.  They know that the judgmental person is hurting themselves by not being open minded and attempting to understand the true situation.

 

True self is sad about the hurt the judgmental person is inflicting on themselves.  True self is also frustrated that they cannot get through to the other person to help them see that they are hurting themselves.  True self sits back and watches the situation.  Should an opening come true self will try again to help the other person to see for themself that they are indeed hurting themselves.

 

Summary

In summary, judgments grow out of our attachments.  They become a protective mechanism to reinforce false self behavior.  They keep false self from having to look at its shortcomings.

 

Judgmental people are very annoying because they are saying that they are right and that everyone else is wrong.  By recognizing when we are being judgmental we can become much more pleasant to be around.  We can also use our judgments to start to look at the attachments that caused the judgments.

 

That is all for today.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

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Email

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Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

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Judge Not

September 4, 2008

Housekeeping

Here is an update on the FeedBurner distribution issues we encountered last month.  Other than the fact that for some unexplained reason the email distribution for Tuesday, September 2nd did not go out, this distribution seems to be working well.  The formatting seems to vary for each mail client reader.  I have set the formatting to work with maximum compatibility for most email clients, but your email client may not be as compatible as some others.

 

The RSS feed did not update for almost a week.  It updated over the weekend and seems to be current.  Once again, this is a free service and I really have no control over these issues.  Thank you for your patience while FeedBurner works on these issues.

 

Judge not lest ye be judged

This is another of those principles that are found in most spiritual and religious practices.  Today we will look at this idea through what we have learned about the concepts of false self and true self.

 

False self likes to judge

We will start by reviewing the idea originally posted on August 7th that false self has many attachments.  We looked at several different attachments in that post.  Today we are going to concentrate on how false self attachment to ideas leads to judgmental behavior.

 

First, a quick summary of how false self attaches to ideas.  As we have mentioned numerous times on this site, false self knows that it is not supposed to be in charge of the decision making for our life.  We do not train false self to listen to the true source of decision making.  All of the important decisions about our life should come from true self.

 

False self knows this and becomes fearful.  It looks for things external to it to cling to for reassurance.  It attaches to many things, its body, its possessions, and other people.  It also attaches to many ideas.

 

When it attaches to ideas it ceases to view those ideas objectively.  In attaching to ideas, false self has begun to view those ideas as a part of itself.  Now that it has come to view those ideas as part of itself any questioning or attack on those ideas is viewed as an attack on false self.  That is why when false self attaches to an idea it ceases to be objective – because it can no longer rationally discuss the idea.

 

Now let’s see how this turns into judgment.  I know it is not polite to talk about religion and politics.  That is because so many of us have such strong attachments to our religious and political ideas that we cannot discuss them objectively.  I am still going to use them as examples of how we start to judge.

 

I think we can all easily agree that many people get attached to their religious or political ideas.  When those ideas are questioned many people get defensive because false self thinks that it is being attacked.  Over time false self comes up with a method of attacking before the ideas, and therefore itself, are attacked.  That method is called judgment.  For the most part judgment is synonymous with prejudice.  Etymologists will note that they share the same root word.

 

Rubbing mud

Here is how false self uses judgment to perform pre-emptive attacks as a method of defending itself.  Let’s say that false self is a member of a religion that believes that rubbing blue mud on their bellies will help them achieve eternal salvation.

 

All of false self’s family members have adhered to the Belly Rubbing religion for as long as anyone can remember.  And, as far as anyone can tell all of these people have achieved eternal salvation because they rubbed mud on their bellies.

 

On the other side of the village there are a few people who rub green mud on each other’s backs.  They know that this will help them achieve eternal salvation.  They have always done this and as far as anyone knows, their ancestors have achieved eternal salvation.

 

The Belly Rubbers and the Back Rubbers are in constant conflict.  Each views that the other is wrong because they rub their mud on a different part of the body.  The fact that someone else rubs their mud differently is great cause for false self doubt.

 

Rather than face this doubt, false self takes the easy way out.  False self decides to make the judgment that no matter what other redeeming traits some one else may have, if they rub their mud differently false must dislike them.  The way one rubs their mud has become so important to false self identity that false self must be prejudiced against any one who does not rub the same way as false self.

 

I know this seems like an extreme example, but this is the way many of us approach our ideas.  If you substitute almost any idea from race, to religion, politics, economics, sexual preference, etc. you will see how many different prejudices are active in the world.  It all comes from false self being attached to ideas and thoughts.

 

True self is objective

True self does not have time for attachments to ideas.  True self will not become caught in prejudices.  True self does not lose objectivity when examining ideas.

 

True self knows that the reason that we exist is to learn and grow and to share that learning and growth with each other.  True self knows that when we lose objectivity we interfere with our ability to learn.  True self knows that any prejudice or judgmental behavior keeps us from looking at ideas that are limiting our growth.  True self knows that to grow in all areas we must be able to objectively consider every idea to see if that idea is limiting us.

 

True self knows that when we judge or are prejudiced we hurt another individual because we do show them respect.  True self also knows that at the same time we hurt ourselves even more because we interfere with our learning and growth, and therefore our true happiness.

 

That’s all for today.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

Talk to us!  Post a comment or a question!

 

Subscribe

 

Don’t miss any updates.  Get daily posts by email.  Subscribe to this blog by clicking here: SUBSCRIBE

 

This email list is maintained by Feedburner, a subsidiary of Google.  I hate to receive spam and advertisements in my email.  I will never sell your email address for such purposes.

 

Email

You can email us directly at:  noahnow@yahoo.com

 

Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

noahnow@yahoo.com