Happy 100

November 4, 2008

Today marks a milestone for this site.  This is the 100th post!  I would like to express my deepest thanks to everyone who has made this possible.

 

Today we will imitate how TV shows mark their major anniversaries – this will be a clip show.  But first…

 

Vote

Even though our 100th post is a big deal for us, there is a really big deal happening in the US today.  Today we vote for president and many other representatives. 

 

Remember – we are a representative government.  Our elected officials are not supposed to tell us what to do.  We the people tell them what to do.  Our elected officials represent us.  Exercise your free will today by voting for the officials who will best represent the way you would use your free will if you were in office.  Go and vote, now!

 

The clip show

We started this site on June 17.  We have covered a lot of topics and a lot of ideas since then.  Today we will take a somewhat chronological look at how the blog has evolved.  The way we will do that is to write a short synopsis of some of our major areas of focus and then post some links to that subject.

 

On a real clip show on TV they make you watch the clips from previous shows.  We cannot make you click the links, but we ask that in the spirit of the clip show you do just that.  I think you will be surprised at how many different subjects we have covered in just 100 posts.  Enjoy!

 

The purpose of the site

The purpose of this site has always been twofold.  The first is to explain to the Crystal, Indigo, and Star Children why they are here.  We want to explain why the mission was needed and what the current status of the mission is.

 

The other purpose of this site is to help those in the mission to understand how they can be effective in accomplishing that mission.  Our view is that the most important thing that the Crystal, Indigo, and Star Children can do is to learn how to break the attachments that come from false self.  The most important thing the mission can provide at this time is a group of people who live from their true self and can stay in the moment the vast majority of the time.

 

The manifestation

In order to manifest these objectives we started writing about the mission.  This began with a four part series entitled “Why Crystal, Indigo, and Star Children?  Why Now?”  This explained the differences between the categories crystal, indigo, and star.  This also explained why they are on this planet at this time.

 

We followed these four posts with a series of three posts that looked at the current status of the mission.  This group of posts looked at why the mission had not been very effective and what was being done to help it become more effective.

 

This was followed by nine posts that discussed several different aspects of the imminent planetary rebalancing.  We started by describing exactly what the planetary rebalancing is.  Then we heard about such things as “How Other Planets Handle the Rebalancing”, “How the Rebalancing Will Manifest”, and “How Do We Prepare for Rebalancing.”  With these and a few other topics we discussed planetary rebalancing at great length.

 

The practical part

During the first month or so we explained most of the basics about the mission; what it is, and what it is facing in the way of earth changes.  Now we needed to address the really difficult part – learning to be in the moment.

 

We started what could be termed the “spiritual” work by looking at illusions.  We published a seven part series called “Breaking Illusions”.  In this series we got a feeling for a number of the illusions that frequently keep us from making spiritual progress.

 

We next published a series of articles about various subjects related to spirituality.  I think the most important one of this group was “What is Spirituality?”  But hey, what do I know?

 

Finding ourselves

With the publication of the article “Quo Vadis?” we signaled a major change in focus.  In this article we contrast the work of the mission with the personal spiritual work each member of the mission needs to do.

 

We immediately went into the concepts of “True Self vs. False Self”.  At this point we spent many posts looking at various aspects of how the false self controls our life.  We heard about things like “False Self Attachments to People”, “False Self Wants Life to be Fair”, and “Understanding the False Self Identity.”

 

We also began to feel what it is like to live from true self.  We examined such subjects as “True Self Sees Everyone as Equal”, “How True Self Uses Possessions”, and “True Self Is Always in the Moment”.

 

Interwoven with our discussions of true self and false self were various articles about staying in the moment.  We covered various aspects of this subject including “Tips to Get Yourself in the Moment”.

 

We also published a series about “Choosing Your Family”.  This group of articles looked at a number of issues that we encounter when dealing with our family.  We also looked at the idea of unconditional love in our articles about “Love vs. Acceptance”, and “Acceptance Is Being in the Moment”.

 

The future

We have developed a small but loyal group of readers.  We will continue to publish an article every weekday for the foreseeable future.  We will continue to intermix articles about true self, being in the moment, the mission, and the planetary rebalancing.

 

We are here to serve our readers.  We look forward to your feedback and comments.  We wish more of our readers would submit more comments.  We have had several excellent suggestions for topics from our readers.  If there is something you would like to understand in greater detail please submit a comment and let us know.

 

That is all for today.  Once again, our deepest thanks to our readers who make time in their day to read what we have written.  It is the interest you take in our material that keeps us going.  Thanks!

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

Talk to us!  Post a comment or a question!

 

Subscribe

 

Don’t miss any updates.  Get daily posts by email.  Subscribe to this blog by clicking here: SUBSCRIBE

 

This email list is maintained by FeedBurner, a subsidiary of Google.  I hate to receive spam and advertisements in my email.  I will never sell your email address for such purposes.

 

Email

You can email us directly at:  noahnow@yahoo.com

 

Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

noahnow@yahoo.com

 

Advertisements

If You Loved Me You Would…

October 28, 2008

How many times have we heard someone say “If you loved me you would…”?  This idea is pervasive in our culture.  Today we will take a look at what is behind the scenes when we hear these words.

 

Could it be false self?

I always cringe when I hear someone say these words.  How about you?  I don’t cringe only when someone says them to me.  I cringe when I hear them on TV, in a movie, or read them in a book.

 

Why do I cringe?  I am glad that you asked that.  What makes these words so unbearable for me is that all I hear is a false self attempting to control someone else.  On July 17 we touched on this idea in our post that talked about breaking illusions.  We also chipped around the edges of this idea in our series of posts about painful family relationships.  Today we will concentrate solely on this one idea.

 

Over the last few months we have discussed the idea that false self wants life to be simple.  False self also wants to be accepted.  However, false self is so insecure that it wants that acceptance to be guaranteed.  It wants to see signs that will prove that it is being accepted.

 

Forcing the acceptance

As we have also discussed many times, false self is a bundle of fears and attachments.  Let’s take a look at the fears having to do with being loved and accepted.

 

For today’s example we will talk about the fears and attachments of a false self in a marriage.  This example is not meant to reinforce any stereotypes.  If you feel this example is about stereotypes please just switch the characters and genders around until it works for you.

 

Also, this example could be seen as a chacterization.  The intent is to understand the process therefore we are looking at a simplistic example.  Please understand the process and then discover for yourself how it applies in situations that are around you.

 

We start our example with a man who wants to have his dinner on the table shortly after he gets home from work.  He was raised in a home where the women always prepared the meals and the men never did anything in the kitchen.  For him, the last thing a man would think of doing is preparing a meal.

 

Now the wife of our culinarily challenged man has been working at her own job outside the home.  She has an opportunity to work overtime.  Of course that would keep her from being able to prepare her husband’s dinner.  It is no surprise that he says “If you loved me you would not work overtime and make sure I ate a hot meal.”

 

Let’s apply this idea

Remember, this example is deliberately very obvious.  We all saw this coming.  But do we see the attachments?  Do we see the false self at work?  Can we take this example and apply it to situations in our life?

 

In our example the husband is clearly a self centered lout.  He is clearly attached to his experience and does not want to break those attachments.  He wants to make his wife change so that he does not have to change.

 

Do we see that any time someone utters the words “If you loved me” that we are dealing with false self attempting to dominate?  Any time we hear those words someone is attempting to manipulate at least one other person into behavior that proves a false self concept of love.

 

You know what?  You can’t prove that you love someone.  If the other person does not want to believe that you love them, nothing you do will ever convince them.  If they put up one condition, like making dinner in our example, then they will come up with another condition when the first one is met.

 

Think about children to see how this idea works.  “If you loved me you would buy me a candy bar.”  You buy the candy bar and then you hear “If you loved me you would buy me a toy.”  You buy the toy and you hear “If you loved me you would let me stay up late and watch TV.”

 

It never ends once you start to attempt to prove that you love them.  Eventually you have to discuss the meaning of love with the child or they will keep looking for proof of being loved.

 

Adults are no different

Do you really think that as we grow older we stop acting in this manner?  We learned this behavior as children and never really grow out of it.  As we mature we tend to mute the extreme nature of this behavior, but for most of us it is still there.

 

We see it all around us from others.  We must be vigilant of our own thoughts and behaviors.  We must take responsibility when we see ourselves looking for proof of love and acceptance.  We must realize that there is no proof of love and stop looking for it.  More importantly, we must stop making others do things to prove that they love us.  We don’t like it when people do it to us, we must stop doing it to others.

 

The only appropriate words

When we hear “If you loved me you would…” there are a few words that are appropriate to finish that idea.  Those are “you would love and accept me for who I am at this moment.”

 

That is all.  When we truly love and accept someone for who they are, we accept them for who they are at each moment.  That is all we can do to show them that we love them.

 

Many times their false self will not recognize or understand that acceptance.  We cannot do anything about that.  Their false self will ask for proof because it does not see that it is being accepted.  We can offer no proof other than continuing to accept the other person for who they are.

 

Other reading

This post touched on ideas that were discussed in many other postings on this site.  For further reading please refer to our posts about acceptance.  Also please look at our series of posts about dealing with our family.

 

That is all for today.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

Talk to us!  Post a comment or a question!

 

Subscribe

 

Don’t miss any updates.  Get daily posts by email.  Subscribe to this blog by clicking here: SUBSCRIBE

 

This email list is maintained by FeedBurner, a subsidiary of Google.  I hate to receive spam and advertisements in my email.  I will never sell your email address for such purposes.

 

Email

You can email us directly at:  noahnow@yahoo.com

 

Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

noahnow@yahoo.com

 


I Accept It – But I Don’t Like It

October 23, 2008

During the past week I have been involved in several discussions that touched on the idea of acceptance.  We have looked at this idea here before, but today we will continue our investigation of what acceptance means.

 

Accepting does not mean liking

Many times when the idea of acceptance comes up it gets confused with the idea of liking something.  In other words, if you accept something that means you like it.  These two ideas are not linked.  You can accept something but you do not have to like it.

 

I think the best example of this idea comes from Eckhart Tolle.  During the series of videos that he made with Oprah Winfrey he used the example of finding yourself knee deep in mud.

 

That example assumes that all of a sudden we find ourself knee deep in mud.  As we look down at the mud we don’t like the fact that we are stuck in it.  However, we cannot ignore that we are stuck in the mud.

 

If we do not accept that we are stuck in the mud we will not take the appropriate actions to get out of the mud.  It would be nice to fly out of the mud, but chances are that we cannot do that.

 

No, we must accept that we are knee deep in mud and start to take the appropriate actions to get out.  We do not like that we are stuck in the mud, but liking or not liking has no bearing on the situation.  We are stuck in the mud and until we accept the fact that we are stuck we will not make any progress at getting ourselves unstuck.

 

Accepting does not mean agreeing

Agreeing with something is similar to liking.  For example, we may be in a situation at our job where we have to do something with which we do not agree.  Usually it is because we differ with our boss about that situation.

 

Assuming that our boss is not asking us to do something that is illegal, we must accept what the boss wants us to do even though we do not agree with it.

 

An example of this from my personal experience was when my boss wanted me to run a project that would install a new piece of computer equipment.  I disagreed with the way he wanted to run the project.

 

As the project floundered it became clear that this particular piece of equipment was not the correct choice.  On occasion I would make my disagreements known to my boss, but I always accepted that I had to do the best I could with the project until he also realized that we were wasting our effort.

 

In this example I disagreed with what I had to do, but I accepted that I had to do it.  Understanding the difference between these two concepts helped me to maintain control of myself.  I knew that by accepting the situation rather than fighting it I would be in control of myself and see the best answer when it appeared.  My disagreement with my boss was a side issue that I did not waste much time on.

 

Accepting is painful except for the alternative

Many times it can be painful to accept the situation.  However, it can be even more painful when we do not accept the situation.

 

In our example of being knee deep in mud, we might try to run out of the mud.  When we are not accepting of a situation we do things like that.  We try to run out of the mud when we should be walking slowly and carefully.  Running may cause us to fall and twist an ankle.  Or worse.

 

Accepting that we are stuck in the mud may be very embarrassing.  We may not want to admit it to ourself, much less anybody else.  After all, how could such a smart person get themselves into such a predicament?

 

This is what is called denial.  We know that we are stuck in the mud.  We cannot bring ourselves to admit that we are.  We are denying that we are stuck in the mud.

 

This is a silly way to act.  We know that we are stuck in the mud.  Anyone who looks at us can also tell that we are stuck in the mud.  False self is denying that we are stuck.  Remember, false self does not want to look at any possible imperfections that it may have.  Denial always comes from false self.

 

In our post entitled “Judge Not” we took a look at why false self does not like to admit it is in error.  Not wanting to admit error is also denial.  All of these come from false self attachments.  And as we have also discussed, false self attachments are painful.

 

The logical steps

Let’s follow the logic of the ideas we have put forth here today.  When we are not accepting of something we are in denial of it.  When we are in denial we are acting from false self.  All false self behavior is based on attachments.  False self attachments are always painful.

 

Therefore when we are not accepting we are in pain.  Please think about this the next time you encounter a situation that you do not like.  We do not have to like the situation.  We have to learn to accept the situation.  We will be in pain until we learn that acceptance.

 

That is all for today.  Do you have any situations that you have had a problem accepting?  Do you have an example of a situation that you initially resisted and then accepted?  Please post these as comments and share your experience with our readers.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

Talk to us!  Post a comment or a question!

 

Subscribe

 

Don’t miss any updates.  Get daily posts by email.  Subscribe to this blog by clicking here: SUBSCRIBE

 

This email list is maintained by FeedBurner, a subsidiary of Google.  I hate to receive spam and advertisements in my email.  I will never sell your email address for such purposes.

 

Email

You can email us directly at:  noahnow@yahoo.com

 

Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

noahnow@yahoo.com

 


No Problem

October 21, 2008

It has been over a week since one of our readers asked me to expand on the idea of “problems”.  Today we take a look at how I approach the idea of problems.

 

Quote marks

Most of the time I have placed quotations around the word “problem” when I have used that word on this blog.  This was meant to denote that I was using the term because it was the accepted word but that I did not agree with the accepted definition of that word.

 

Based on some reader feedback I am going to take today’s post to explain what I mean by the word “problem”.  In the future whenever the word is used I will link back to this column to explain the meaning.  At this point I think the word is so common that we cannot stop using it, but we can create our own definition.

 

Situations to be resolved

As I began my spiritual journey many years ago I was very attached to the idea that I had a lot of problems.  I kept talking about all my problems.  Every time there was discussion of resolving some of the problems I insisted on finding problems with those proposed resolution.

 

My guide found me very exasperating and to this day I wonder how he had the patience to put up with me.  Many times when I talked about my problems he would say “There are no such things as problems only situations that need to be resolved.”

 

At that time I had hardly any self confidence.  I could not imagine that I had the ability to “resolve a situation.”  After all, there were so many problems I had to deal with before I could resolve any situations.

 

It was much easier to look at all the problems and not even imagine that you could do anything about them.  After all, they were such big bad problems how could anyone fix them?

 

And so my thinking went.  Around and around in circles – not being able to look at problems because I did not have the self confidence to think I could resolve the situation.

 

Saying it out loud

I still remember one of the first times that someone said to me “We have a problem” and I responded by parroting the saying about situations that needed to be resolved.  I did not have much confidence in what I said, but somehow what I said impressed the person who said “we have a problem.”

 

Unfortunately at this point I did not have the confidence in myself to follow through and resolve the situation.  I did what I usually did and avoided the problem.  It would be a few more years until I was able to face my “problems” with any confidence.

 

Experience

I watched myself go through these experiences.  Eventually I worked on my understanding and got to the point of realizing that there really was no such thing as a “problem”.  For me, the concept of “problem” became just one more reason to avoid looking at my situations.  It seems to me that many of us use the word “problem” to denote a situation that we think is beyond our ability to change to our advantage.

 

I gradually learned to take some of the small “problems” and “fix” them.  “Fix” is another word that I try not to use.  Rather than say “fix a problem” I try to view it as turning a situation to my advantage.  It is a subtle concept and we can discuss it if anyone would like to post a comment.

 

As I gained experience in turning some of my smaller “problems” into situations that worked for me rather than against me, I also gained self confidence.  This self confidence helped me to understand that I could begin to work on some of my larger situations.

 

I began working on my larger situations and learned that they were usually a bunch of small “problems” rolled up into one larger “problem.”  I learned to pull the larger “problem” apart and resolve the smaller situations.

 

Slowly I learned the self confidence that comes from facing situations that you do not like and turning them into ones that help you.  I learned that indeed there is no such thing as a “problem”.  We only have situations that we can learn to resolve and then apply that learning to other situations.

 

No problems?

Does this mean that I no longer have any “problems”?  Yes – I if I have a problem it is because I have chosen to see it as a situation that I cannot resolve.  Problems are of my own making.

 

On the other hand, we will always have situations that need to be resolved.  Our learning comes from within these situations.  The trick is to remember that we exist to learn and grow.  If nothing in our life changed we would not have anything new.  If we did not have anything new then there would be no way to learn.  Situations present the opportunities to learn.

 

So we have no problems – just unlimited opportunities to learn from the situations we experience.

 

Please do your self a favor and stop thinking about your problems.  Please start looking at the situations that are presenting you unlimited opportunities for learning.

 

That is all for today.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

Talk to us!  Post a comment or a question!

 

Subscribe

 

Don’t miss any updates.  Get daily posts by email.  Subscribe to this blog by clicking here: SUBSCRIBE

 

This email list is maintained by FeedBurner, a subsidiary of Google.  I hate to receive spam and advertisements in my email.  I will never sell your email address for such purposes.

 

Email

You can email us directly at:  noahnow@yahoo.com

 

Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

noahnow@yahoo.com

 


The Man on the Bench

October 20, 2008

This weekend I was blown away by a movie.  It was not a new movie, but it delivered a message that was very important to me.  Hopefully you will be inspired in a similar manner.

 

Welcome Back

I hope that everyone had a great weekend.  We had some great weather in this part of the northeastern US.  I had a chance to get out for a few walks and also saw some very good movies.  In preparation for the coming cold weather I made a couple of batches of chili using my homemade chili powder and using dried beans instead of canned ones.

 

So much for me.  Drop me a note and tell us what you did with your weekend.

 

Let’s take a look at a great movie that I saw this weekend.

 

A simple man

I did not see the movie Forrest Gump when it originally ran in theaters.  I saw it once on videotape several years after it came out.  I remember being impressed by the movie but I was not moved as deeply as I was when I viewed it again this weekend.

 

Forrest Gump is a simple man.  The movie opens with him sitting on a bench waiting for a bus.  A woman sits down next to him on the bench and he starts to talk to her.  It is immediately clear that Forrest Gump does not have a great deal of intelligence.  At one time people like him were called slow.

 

However, as Forrest tells his story to a succession of people who share the bench with him, it becomes very clear that what he lacks in intelligence he makes up for with insight.  As Forrest Gump tells his story in his simple and unassuming way it becomes clear that he was a witness to many of the most important events of what shaped America from the 1950’s to the 1980’s.

 

When you only have a hammer

There is a saying along the lines of “if the only tool you have is a hammer then everything looks like a nail to you.”  I attempt to keep this in mind when I start to view everything from the standpoint of my two concepts of true self and false self.  However, I think those concepts can be illustrated quite well here.

 

What struck me about the character of Forrest Gump was how he was able to see though the false self of almost everyone around him.  He did not confront people about their false self.  He accepted the false self but did not let it affect what he wanted to do.

 

Forrest Gump casually tells us why people are doing what they are doing.  He describes someone’s false self behavior and lets us see how that behavior is getting in their way.  Friends like Lieutenant Dan and Jenny get involved with self destructive substance abuse and sexual behaviors.  Forrest does not judge them for their behavior – he sees the true self inside that is working to get past the destructive behavior.

 

Never once do we find that Forrest Gump is considering taking on any of the false self behaviors of those around him.  He looks at the situation in front of him and decides what to do based on his internal compass.  That compass always points towards compassion and caring for those around him, keeping his word, and doing what he can to give to others.

 

I do not think that the idea of taking something ever crossed his mind.  He always gave and used whatever came his way to move onto the next phase of his life.  I guess he figures that what ever he got was a result of what he gave.  If he gave he would always get something of value in return.  For Forrest Gump, no further thought was necessary.

 

What moved me

The music in a movie is very important to me.  Growing up during the 1960’s and the 1970’s was a time of great change in the popular music.  The music of my youth was very emotional and important to me.  That music got me through many dark days.  There were years that my only emotional release was the music.

 

The music of this movie was like the soundtrack of my youth.  The songs always seemed to be the best ones for the scenes in the movie.  As I watched Forrest going through his deeply moving and emotionally challenging times, many of my pent up and unresolved emotions were flowing through me.  I had not recognized that I still had so much stuff locked away inside of me.

 

Upon reflection it seems that I may have tied the music of the period to my self destructive behavior.  Just like Jenny and Lieutenant Dan, I am still working through that behavior.  The music must have triggered some of the sadness associated with my self destructive period.

 

Monument Valley

Another very personal part of the movie was the scene shot in Monument Valley, Utah.  This was during the part of the movie when Forrest was running across the country.  For no apparent reason he decided to stop as he was running through Monument Valley.  Follow this link to see a picture of the spot where he actually stopped.

 

Monument Valley has been important to me.  As an avid fan of movies directed by John Ford I know this scenery well.  He directed some very famous westerns in this area.  The two most famous ones are probably Stagecoach and She Wore a Yellow Ribbon.

 

Several years ago I spent three and a half days in the area.  It is some of the grandest scenery that I have ever experienced.  I am almost always overcome with emotions when I view pictures of this area.

 

One last note

The last thing that I want to discuss regarding this movie is the scene where Forrest Gump asks Jenny to marry him.  When Jenny does not say “yes” Forrest asks her if it is because she does not love him.

 

As I watched the movie I realized that it was not because she did not love Forrest.  Jenny could not marry Forrest because she did not love herself at that point.  No one says this.  No one even implies this.  This is just my analysis.  Please tell me why you think Jenny does not agree to marry Forrest.  I think this is a fascinating part of the movie and would love to hear your thoughts.

 

That is all for today.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

Talk to us!  Post a comment or a question!

 

Subscribe

 

Don’t miss any updates.  Get daily posts by email.  Subscribe to this blog by clicking here: SUBSCRIBE

 

This email list is maintained by FeedBurner, a subsidiary of Google.  I hate to receive spam and advertisements in my email.  I will never sell your email address for such purposes.

 

Email

You can email us directly at:  noahnow@yahoo.com

 

Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

noahnow@yahoo.com

 


Love vs. Acceptance Part 1

October 16, 2008

Yesterday we talked about unconditional love.  Acceptance is another concept that is closely associated with unconditional love.  Now we will look at the difference between accepting someone and loving them.

 

The thought process

Over the years I have found the idea of being accepting much more difficult to grasp and achieve than the idea of being loving.  Why is that, you ask?  My experience tells me that most people easily identify themselves with the image that they are loving people, but fewer look at the idea that they are accepting of everyone and everything in their life.

 

In this, I have come to see that being an accepting person is much more difficult to achieve than being a loving person.  Over the next two days I will attempt to illustrate why it is much more important for our spiritual growth to strive to be accepting rather than loving people.

 

The experience

As I consciously began the journey of my spiritual path, I was fortunate to have a very wise teacher.  He rarely used the word “love”.  I never thought about it at the time, but looking back nearly thirty years to those days, I think I am starting to understand.

 

The fact that the word “love” was rarely used did not bother me at the time.  I was in my mid-twenties and had not found much good use for that word.  If I told someone I loved them it was either because I thought I “should” say that or because they were expecting me to say it.  I observed that the word love seemed to have a different meaning for everyone who used it.

 

My teacher constantly talked about “accepting”.  Accept yourself.  Accept those around you.  Accept the situation you were in.  Accept everything that has happened in your life.  My remembrance of the reason he said these things was so that through acceptance we could begin to master ourself and thereby master the situation around us.  According to him, when we are not accepting of ourself and the situation we are in, we are in denial.  When we are in denial we cannot fix, resolve, or change anything to our benefit.

 

Putting it into practice

That was a great explanation for the time.  I was just barely aware that there was such a thing as a spiritual path.  I had no idea that by accepting what was around me that I could learn to master myself and the situation around me.

 

Learning acceptance became one of the greatest tools in my little box of things that I used to fix my life.  Over the years, when I encountered a “problem” I learned to look to myself and find that it was because I was not accepting of the situation.  In reviewing my lack of acceptance within a situation, it almost always came back to an attachment that I had to what the situation “should be”.  I next reviewed the lessons that my teacher drilled into my head about attachments causing pain.  Gradually I understood that lack of acceptance is caused by attachments and attachments always lead to pain.  Eventually I started living a much more pain free, nonattached, and accepting life.

 

OK – what now?

So what does this have to do with love?  I am getting there, just hold your horses.

 

Within a few years of beginning my association with this wise teacher, I started hanging out with members of the “New Age Movement” in Arizona.  My teacher said that there was nothing “new” about it, and it was not “moving” anywhere.  Being new to all this stuff I filed this remark.  My teacher encouraged me to expose myself to the ideas of the new age groups.  He wanted me to learn for myself and make my own decisions.  He pointed me where to go, but I had to learn to travel my own path.

 

I noticed that the new age people used the terms “love” and “light” a lot.  Everything would be just fine “some day” when we become “loving beings and we are filled with light”.  However, there was no agreement on how to achieve this lofty goal.

 

Some said it was meditation.  Some said it was diet.  Others swore (I am not making this up) by drinking your own urine.  Others said that it was all in the Urantia Bible.  Others waited to be beamed bodily into “mother ships”.  This last reminds me of the description of the rapture that is currently being postulated by fundamental Christians.  Also, I was not surprised when the Heaven’s Gate Cult mass suicide was publicized.

 

I gradually moved along my own path and away from these groups and their ideas.  I immersed myself in the corporate world for twenty years and worked on my little mantra.  “Pain comes from attachment and attachment indicates lack of acceptance.”  I worked on acceptance and never gave a thought to the idea of becoming a loving person.

 

Summary

Today we have gradually worked through the evolution of my thoughts regarding acceptance.  As I was learning to be accepting I was unknowingly learning to understand unconditional love.  Tomorrow we will look at how I finalized my understanding of the difference between acceptance, our normal use of the word “love”, and unconditional love.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

Talk to us!  Post a comment or a question!

 

Subscribe

 

Don’t miss any updates.  Get daily posts by email.  Subscribe to this blog by clicking here: SUBSCRIBE

 

This email list is maintained by FeedBurner, a subsidiary of Google.  I hate to receive spam and advertisements in my email.  I will never sell your email address for such purposes.

 

Email

You can email us directly at:  noahnow@yahoo.com

 

Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

noahnow@yahoo.com

 


Sacrifice Is Our Definition of Love

October 15, 2008

Have you ever noticed that we define love by the sacrifice involved?  Think about someone who says “After all I did for you!” in an angry manner.  Today we will explore how false self frequently defines love as sacrifice.

 

I did so much for you

Today’s post comes from an idea that was discussed at a meeting I attended last week.  As I thought about the idea I realized that it ties in very well with many of the aspects of false self and relationships that we looked at recently.

 

How many times have we heard a parent declare to a child how great a sacrifice they have made for the child?  Let’s take a look at what is going on here.  First, the parent is attempting to make the child feel guilty.  This comes from their false self.  The parent wants the child to be hurt because the parent is feeling hurt by the child.  Remember, only false self can be hurt.

 

The false self of the parent in our example wants to make the child obligated to the parent.  We have learned that true self sees everyone as equal.  The false self of the parent wants the child to be docile and subservient so it shames the child’s false self into being grateful to the parent.  The unfortunate thing here is that the child is still learning to train their false self and this situation has not encouraged the child to train the false self properly.

 

After the parent has dominated the child through the intimidation described above this type of interaction is described as love.  The child is taught that if they love their parents they must make sacrifices for them.

 

The damage is done

This is very damaging on several levels.  First, the child learns that love is not an equal relationship.  The parent has taught the child that in a love relationship one person must be dominant and the other must accept that dominance through sacrifice.  This idea is at the base of our earlier discussion of functional and non-functional families. 

 

Sometimes the child decides to become the dominant one in the relationship.  They learn to think that if someone loves them that person will do what they want.  At its base, this is encouraging the child to think that people exist to do what the child wants them to.

 

Other times the child learns that if they want people to like them then they must sacrifice for those people.  This can lead to very self destructive behavior as the child tries harder and harder to get people to like them.

 

Eventually what seems to happen is that the people who want to dominate the relationship find someone who wants to sacrifice in the relationship.  This is clearly false self behavior from both people.  As we have said before, false self always wants to put itself above or below other people.  In the relationship described here both people are behaving in this manner.  It is no wonder that we have so many problems with our relationships.

 

A range of healthiness

Most relationships are not totally dominated by one person while the other offers up their sacrifice.  Usually what happens is that one individual is dominant in a few areas of the relationship.  They balance this by sacrificing in other areas.

 

As the relationship evolves, the two individuals develop a somewhat balanced relationship.  The problem here is that the underlying dominant/sacrificial aspects have not been resolved.  They are only balanced.  Any stress on the relationship can cause this balance to collapse and threaten the relationship.  This type of relationship is relatively common and would be called moderately unhealthy.

 

A very unhealthy relationship would be one in which one person is extremely dominant and the other is totally sacrificial.  Although this might appear to be balanced what is really happening is very self destructive.

 

This self destruction is especially true for the person who is sacrificial.  They keep trying harder and harder by sacrificing more and more.  Eventually they become very self destructive and can give no more.  The dominant person does not realize that the other person can no longer give and the relationship ends.

 

A realistic picture?

Have I painted a realistic picture here?  Ask yourself what your idea of love is.  If it starts with doing for someone else then that idea of love involves sacrifice. 

 

How many of us have been upset when someone did not return the love we thought we were giving them?  Once again this is sacrifice.  We sacrifice ourselves and mistake it for love.  Then we are hurt when that sacrifice is not acknowledged and returned in a way we think is appropriate.

 

Unconditional love

Love is freely given because we choose to give it.  If we expect something in return then it is not love.  We love because it is what we want to do.  Love is unconditional.  When we expect something back then it is no longer unconditional.

 

Unconditional love is very hard for most of us.  We are so enmeshed in our false self ideas that we mistake many different things for unconditional love.  Here is one way that might help show the difference between the two.

 

Unconditional love feels good.  Many times we do not even recognize that we feel good.  Unconditional love is so natural that we just do it and do not recognize that we have done so.

 

Conditional love is always tinged with fear and uncertainty.  Many times we ask ourselves “if I love this person what will I get back?”  This is a sure sign of conditional love.

 

There is another aspect to unconditional love called acceptance.  Unfortunately we have run out of space for today.  That will have to be the subject of a future posting.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

Talk to us!  Post a comment or a question!

 

Subscribe

 

Don’t miss any updates.  Get daily posts by email.  Subscribe to this blog by clicking here: SUBSCRIBE

 

This email list is maintained by FeedBurner, a subsidiary of Google.  I hate to receive spam and advertisements in my email.  I will never sell your email address for such purposes.

 

Email

You can email us directly at:  noahnow@yahoo.com

 

Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

noahnow@yahoo.com