Finger Pointing and Forgiveness

December 18, 2008

Yesterday we looked at a bit of spiritual logic regarding forgiveness.  That post received several comments.  The comment from Ruth got me thinking about an earlier post titled “Pointing Fingers”.  Today we look at similarities between these two posts.

 

Pointing fingers

The main idea of the post titled “Pointing Fingers” was that whenever we point a finger we always have three pointing back at us.  You can easily prove this to yourself by looking down at your hand and pointing your finger.  You have three pointing back at you.

 

The meaning of those three fingers is that we have to take responsibility for ourselves before we can attempt to “blame” someone else.  When we are honest with ourselves we find that we have an awful lot of stuff to work on.  We do not really need to waste time blaming someone else for things we feel they have done to us.

 

Forgiveness

This is where forgiveness comes in.  When we want to point a finger at someone else we actually wind up forgiving them when we notice the three fingers pointing back at us.

 

That is what happens when we really start to understand what those fingers pointing at us mean.  They say to us “How can you blame some one else when you are doing the same thing yourself?”  We have mentioned this idea before.  When we do not like what some one else is doing it is usually because we are doing the same thing and we do not like that we are also doing it.

 

To prove this to yourself just watch the people around you.  When someone complains about what someone else is doing be quiet and watch their behavior.  You will usually find that they are doing exactly what they are complaining that other people do.  By extension, that means we are probably behaving the same way.

 

Forgiving ourselves

Here is the main point for today’s post.  When we recognize the three fingers pointing back at us let’s start recognizing that this is also a reminder to forgive ourselves.  Self forgiveness can be the most difficult kind of forgiveness.

 

Self forgiveness requires self acceptance, objectivity, lack of denial, being in the moment, and many more things.  However, self forgiveness is the most powerful kind of forgiveness.

 

When we really start to forgive ourselves we finally start to like ourselves.  When we like ourselves we have true self confidence.  True self confidence is the most powerful tool we possess.  True self confidence harnesses the vast power of our true self which has always accomplished everything we, as true self, ever chose to do.  But that is another post.

 

That is all for today.  Remember – those three fingers pointing back at you are one of the most powerful tools you have.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

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What I (Don’t) Like About You

September 3, 2008

Yesterday we looked at what happens when we point a finger to blame an external cause.  That external cause of our unhappiness can be either someone or something.  We learned that when we point a finger we should look at ourselves as the first possible reason because there are three fingers pointing back at us.

 

Today we will look at what is actually happening when we point our finger of blame at someone else.  Are you ready?  Let’s go!

 

When we don’t like someone

This insight was explained to me many years ago.  I am the type that attempts to understand why everything works as it does.  Hopefully those types of insights and understandings are a reason why I am able to make some of my explanations in simple terms that are easy to understand.

 

However, I admit to being absolutely baffled about why this next principle works.  I have examined it for almost thirty years.  All I can say is that it works.  I have learned to use it, but if anyone understands why it works please let me know.

 

When we point our finger of blame at someone else we say that there is something in that person that causes us to dislike them.   Let’s say that we don’t like them because they are too pushy.

 

Our rationale then becomes that because they are too pushy we cannot get along with them.  Their being pushy gets us upset and we cannot think clearly when we are upset.

 

What I have learned is that when there is a character trait or behavior that someone exhibits that I do not like – it means that I do not like that about myself.  In the previous example it would be that I do not like myself when I am pushy.  This may sound counterintuitive, but it works.

 

Let’s repeat that.  What we do not like in someone else is just an indicator of what we do not like in ourselves.

 

Think about our example of pointing the blame finger.  We learned that the three fingers pointing back at us mean we need to look at ourselves first.  But what do we look at?  We look at what we want to blame about the other person.  That is what the three fingers are trying to tell us.  Look at ourselves first and blame ourselves first for what we want to blame the other for.

 

Don’t blame yourself

I am not really talking about blaming ourselves.  Truly there is no such thing as blame.  We will discuss that idea at a later time.  What I am really saying is to examine yourself first for what you do not like in others.  Take responsibility for exhibiting the same trait or behavior you dislike in others.

 

Chances are you will not see this trait or behavior in yourself at first.  When we have not yet learned the skill of self observation we find it strange when we look for something in ourselves that we dislike.

 

Learning how

Take it from me; I was once in that same position.  I was being told to learn to observe myself.  I was being told that what I did not like in others was something I actually did not like in myself.

 

These concepts rang true with me so I decided to try them for awhile.  It took me awhile to start to look at and understand what I did not like in myself.  However, I did start to recognize what I did not like in others.  That was easy.  I could very quickly make a long list of the things I disliked in other people.  It took me some time to realize that these were the things that I did not like about myself.

 

Gradually I realized that through self observation I was seeing the same things in myself that were on my list of what I did not like in others.  Finally I started to see the wisdom of this insight.

 

Overtime I learned that as long as I was blaming others for what I did not like in myself, I would never fix what I did not like about myself.  The light went on and I finally saw that when I fixed what I did not like in myself I no longer would care about what I did not like in others.

 

I forgave myself

So how did I deal with all these things that I did not like about myself?  I finally learned to forgive myself.  That may seem strange, but it is the process that worked for me.  Evidently I had built up a large list of things that I either disliked myself for or felt guilty about.  I blamed myself for all of those things.

 

With some urging from my guide and teacher I learned that I had no reason to be ashamed of myself.  Shame and guilt are false self behavior.  True self has nothing for which it needs to feel shameful or guilty.  Overtime true self forgave false self for its feelings of shame and guilt.

 

The real dividend from forgiving myself was that I quickly found that I much more easily forgave those around me.  After finally forgiving myself I saw that others were struggling with the same issues that I was.  I quickly became much more compassionate and learned to forgive the same behavior that I once disliked in myself.

 

Please learn to forgive yourself.  You will begin to lead a much happier life and you will have much better relationships with the people in your life.

 

That’s all for today.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

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Pointing Fingers

September 2, 2008

Welcome Back

I would like to welcome back everyone from a long weekend.  Once again the weather in the northeast US was outstanding.  We had cool evenings with seasonably warm days.

 

Our thoughts are with those on the central gulf coast who have had their weekend disrupted by hurricane Gustav.  We extend an open hand to anyone who needs assistance.  Just let us know if we can be of any help.

 

This week we will continue to look at false self behaviors.  We will start by looking at what happens when we point fingers.  Are you ready?  Let’s go!

 

When you point a finger

We will start this example with a small demonstration.  Extend you arm and point your index finger at a nearby object.  Now take a close look at your hand.  Notice that you have one finger pointing away from you, but there are three facing back at you.

 

Here is an explanation that I learned many years ago.  I hope it will help you as much as it has helped me over the past thirty years.

 

One points away

Let’s first take a look at the finger pointing away from us.  This is the finger we use when we blame someone or something for causing us a “problem”.  We are using the finger to say that something external to us caused us a “problem”.

 

This is a false self behavior.  False self does not want to take responsibility for most situations.  It can always find an external cause to use as a scapegoat.  Now it does not have to look at itself.

 

The last thing that false self want to admit is that it made a mistake or was deficient in any way.  It uses the finger of blame and points it around until it finds a target that can explain away any “problems” that it might be having.

 

We are angry with a co-worker.  False self pulls out its blame finger and calls out that co-worker for not thinking, lack of intelligence, or whatever it decides is the cause for it being upset.

 

We are upset with our spouse.  False self’s blame finger points at them and accuses them for not loving us, spending too much money, not paying attention to us, or whatever else it decides it wants to be upset about.

 

The key point to remember is that the blame finger is pointing outside of us and saying this is the cause of our “problems”.  Here is a paradox.  Whatever traits false self is saying it does not like in the people around us, it is really saying that it does not like that about itself.

 

We will explore this paradox later this week.  For now, just start to think about this idea.  We will look at it in detail tomorrow.

 

Three fingers point back

The part of this example that I have always found to be the most powerful is discovering the other three fingers.  Point your finger as you did a few minutes ago.  Look at your hand again.  There are three fingers pointing back at you.

 

Those three fingers serve as a reminder to look at yourself first before you blame someone or something else.  Three fingers outnumber one finger.  Watch carefully where the three fingers point before you look at where the one finger points.

 

This might seem a bit strange at first, but try it anyway.  False self wants to avoid blame so it looks at external situations to find a cause for its unhappiness.  True self knows that all “problems” are first solved from within before we solve the external manifestation of the “problem”.  True self knows that we must look within before we look without to understand and resolve a “problem”.

 

Use this method of three fingers against one as a subtle device to help retrain false self.  We are so accustomed to pointing fingers at our “problems” that at first it will be hard to even remember to look at our hand.

 

Don’t worry.  One day you will be all caught up in blaming someone and this example will come back to mind.  You won’t want to look at yourself, but you will remember that those three fingers tell you that you should.  You might look at the three fingers and you might not.  The important thing is that you remembered the example.

 

Next time the example comes up you might acknowledge that it has some validity.  You might start to look back at your self instead of continuing to blame someone or something else.  Over time, you will realize that all “problems” are resolved inside.  You will see that false self keeps looking outside and that true self is inside and that true self is the answer to all of our false self “problems”.

 

I urge you to watch very carefully when you blame an external situation for your unhappiness.  The sooner you see that this blame only continues your unhappiness, the sooner you will take responsibility for your “problems” and create your own true happiness.

 

Come back tomorrow when we will look at what actually happens when we do not like those around us.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

Talk to us!  Post a comment or a question!

 

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Email

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Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

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