On the Other Hand

September 11, 2008

Last week I participated in a discussion where one of the participants was struggling to accept the spiritual awakening they were experiencing.  Today we will look at some ideas that can help us to balance our spiritual awakening with our existing beliefs and behaviors.

 

Email distribution

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On the one hand

I was a part of a discussion last week where someone was struggling with some new understandings.  They were saying that they heard a lot of truth in what was being discussed and they were being drawn to that truth.

 

However, this individual was being torn by their current beliefs and behaviors.  Most of us experience the same conflict as we begin to travel our spiritual path.  We have an existing way of living that we think we know.  For some reason we have become unhappy with that life and are searching for something else.  When we find something that resonates with us we can get torn between the two.

 

Today we will look at an example of how to begin the resolution of this internal conflict.  An approach that I have used is to start by placing both hands in front of you.  Imagine one hand – let’s say the right hand – as holding the new understandings.  Imagine the left hand as grasping your current understandings and behaviors.

 

Let’s take a look at the left hand first.  In that hand you have your current understandings of spirituality, religion, your relationships, your family, and your possessions.  Whether you realize it or not, your unhappiness is also in your left hand. 

 

At one time we all thought that everything we ever need would be in this hand.  After all, what more do we need?  We are trained from birth that we do not need anything more than family, religion, possessions, and relationships.

 

Let’s look at the last item in our left hand – our unhappiness.  If everything we needed was in our left hand then unhappiness would not be there.  But because that unhappiness is there we have decided to look outside of that hand.

 

On the other hand

The reason that there is something in our right hand is because of the unhappiness we found in our left hand.  Somewhere we sensed that the unhappiness was strong enough to cause us to look for something else.  That something else became our newly found spiritual path.

 

We have begun to travel that path and have discovered a lot of things that will not fit in our left hand.  We put those discoveries in our right hand and start to ask ourselves what to do with them.  Many of these new understandings are clearly in conflict with what is in our left hand.

 

The problem is that these new understandings resonate very strongly with us.  That resonance is so strong that we know that we cannot drop these new understandings from our right hand.  Now we are being pulled very strongly by the attraction to our right hand.  Yet we are attached to the familiar and comfortable things in our left hand.  No wonder we feel torn between the two.

 

What to do, what to do

The resolution of this feeling of being torn can be a challenge.  There can be many steps, but we will start with the first step.  I am sure that this topic will come up again in future posts.  Anyone who wants to discuss this topic further can make a comment on this post and we can begin the discussion immediately.

 

Here is how I solved the internal conflict between my left and right hands.  It took awhile, but I eventually I came out the other side much more peaceful and happy.

 

My first step was to acknowledge and accept the situation.  In my left hand I had a bunch of stuff that was familiar, but that was causing unhappiness.  In my right hand I had other stuff that was pulling me very strongly.  The stuff in my right hand seemed so truthful, yet I could not let go of what was in my left.

 

Eventually I accepted that my unhappiness was in my left hand along with all the other stuff.  I realized that it was that stuff that was causing the unhappiness.  This did not mean that I could let go of it easily.  It was just a realization, but no action had been taken.

 

Likewise I realized that the stuff in my right was leading me towards my true happiness.  Even though I could not yet let go of the stuff in the left hand, I could try to utilize some of the things in my right hand.

 

At first it was simple things.  Like beginning to see that happiness comes from inside, not outside.  Then I learned more about the true self and the false self.  I looked at what spirituality really is and I even started to understand that fear is a behavior that we learn.

 

Don’t get me wrong.  All these investigations did not happen immediately.  I was very attached to my existing beliefs and behaviors in my left hand.  I would merely dabble my right hand in the water of my new understanding to see what it was like.

 

Gradually I began to see that the only thing in my right hand was my true happiness.  Every time I went back to my left hand the only thing I found was my unhappiness.

 

It took many years of dabbling to convince me to let go of what was in my left hand.  After that it took more years of changing my behavior so that I was no longer holding onto what was in my left hand.

 

Eventually my right hand won and I am much more able to notice when my left hand is holding on.  I am also much happier.

 

Trust yourself

To summarize how to resolve the internal conflict that usually comes when we start on our spiritual path – trust yourself.  Your true self is in your right hand.  Your false self is in your left hand.  Trust that your right hand will guide you towards your true happiness.  After all, your left hand has never given you any happiness.  Why would it start to do so now?

 

That’s all for today.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

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What I (Don’t) Like About You

September 3, 2008

Yesterday we looked at what happens when we point a finger to blame an external cause.  That external cause of our unhappiness can be either someone or something.  We learned that when we point a finger we should look at ourselves as the first possible reason because there are three fingers pointing back at us.

 

Today we will look at what is actually happening when we point our finger of blame at someone else.  Are you ready?  Let’s go!

 

When we don’t like someone

This insight was explained to me many years ago.  I am the type that attempts to understand why everything works as it does.  Hopefully those types of insights and understandings are a reason why I am able to make some of my explanations in simple terms that are easy to understand.

 

However, I admit to being absolutely baffled about why this next principle works.  I have examined it for almost thirty years.  All I can say is that it works.  I have learned to use it, but if anyone understands why it works please let me know.

 

When we point our finger of blame at someone else we say that there is something in that person that causes us to dislike them.   Let’s say that we don’t like them because they are too pushy.

 

Our rationale then becomes that because they are too pushy we cannot get along with them.  Their being pushy gets us upset and we cannot think clearly when we are upset.

 

What I have learned is that when there is a character trait or behavior that someone exhibits that I do not like – it means that I do not like that about myself.  In the previous example it would be that I do not like myself when I am pushy.  This may sound counterintuitive, but it works.

 

Let’s repeat that.  What we do not like in someone else is just an indicator of what we do not like in ourselves.

 

Think about our example of pointing the blame finger.  We learned that the three fingers pointing back at us mean we need to look at ourselves first.  But what do we look at?  We look at what we want to blame about the other person.  That is what the three fingers are trying to tell us.  Look at ourselves first and blame ourselves first for what we want to blame the other for.

 

Don’t blame yourself

I am not really talking about blaming ourselves.  Truly there is no such thing as blame.  We will discuss that idea at a later time.  What I am really saying is to examine yourself first for what you do not like in others.  Take responsibility for exhibiting the same trait or behavior you dislike in others.

 

Chances are you will not see this trait or behavior in yourself at first.  When we have not yet learned the skill of self observation we find it strange when we look for something in ourselves that we dislike.

 

Learning how

Take it from me; I was once in that same position.  I was being told to learn to observe myself.  I was being told that what I did not like in others was something I actually did not like in myself.

 

These concepts rang true with me so I decided to try them for awhile.  It took me awhile to start to look at and understand what I did not like in myself.  However, I did start to recognize what I did not like in others.  That was easy.  I could very quickly make a long list of the things I disliked in other people.  It took me some time to realize that these were the things that I did not like about myself.

 

Gradually I realized that through self observation I was seeing the same things in myself that were on my list of what I did not like in others.  Finally I started to see the wisdom of this insight.

 

Overtime I learned that as long as I was blaming others for what I did not like in myself, I would never fix what I did not like about myself.  The light went on and I finally saw that when I fixed what I did not like in myself I no longer would care about what I did not like in others.

 

I forgave myself

So how did I deal with all these things that I did not like about myself?  I finally learned to forgive myself.  That may seem strange, but it is the process that worked for me.  Evidently I had built up a large list of things that I either disliked myself for or felt guilty about.  I blamed myself for all of those things.

 

With some urging from my guide and teacher I learned that I had no reason to be ashamed of myself.  Shame and guilt are false self behavior.  True self has nothing for which it needs to feel shameful or guilty.  Overtime true self forgave false self for its feelings of shame and guilt.

 

The real dividend from forgiving myself was that I quickly found that I much more easily forgave those around me.  After finally forgiving myself I saw that others were struggling with the same issues that I was.  I quickly became much more compassionate and learned to forgive the same behavior that I once disliked in myself.

 

Please learn to forgive yourself.  You will begin to lead a much happier life and you will have much better relationships with the people in your life.

 

That’s all for today.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

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Pointing Fingers

September 2, 2008

Welcome Back

I would like to welcome back everyone from a long weekend.  Once again the weather in the northeast US was outstanding.  We had cool evenings with seasonably warm days.

 

Our thoughts are with those on the central gulf coast who have had their weekend disrupted by hurricane Gustav.  We extend an open hand to anyone who needs assistance.  Just let us know if we can be of any help.

 

This week we will continue to look at false self behaviors.  We will start by looking at what happens when we point fingers.  Are you ready?  Let’s go!

 

When you point a finger

We will start this example with a small demonstration.  Extend you arm and point your index finger at a nearby object.  Now take a close look at your hand.  Notice that you have one finger pointing away from you, but there are three facing back at you.

 

Here is an explanation that I learned many years ago.  I hope it will help you as much as it has helped me over the past thirty years.

 

One points away

Let’s first take a look at the finger pointing away from us.  This is the finger we use when we blame someone or something for causing us a “problem”.  We are using the finger to say that something external to us caused us a “problem”.

 

This is a false self behavior.  False self does not want to take responsibility for most situations.  It can always find an external cause to use as a scapegoat.  Now it does not have to look at itself.

 

The last thing that false self want to admit is that it made a mistake or was deficient in any way.  It uses the finger of blame and points it around until it finds a target that can explain away any “problems” that it might be having.

 

We are angry with a co-worker.  False self pulls out its blame finger and calls out that co-worker for not thinking, lack of intelligence, or whatever it decides is the cause for it being upset.

 

We are upset with our spouse.  False self’s blame finger points at them and accuses them for not loving us, spending too much money, not paying attention to us, or whatever else it decides it wants to be upset about.

 

The key point to remember is that the blame finger is pointing outside of us and saying this is the cause of our “problems”.  Here is a paradox.  Whatever traits false self is saying it does not like in the people around us, it is really saying that it does not like that about itself.

 

We will explore this paradox later this week.  For now, just start to think about this idea.  We will look at it in detail tomorrow.

 

Three fingers point back

The part of this example that I have always found to be the most powerful is discovering the other three fingers.  Point your finger as you did a few minutes ago.  Look at your hand again.  There are three fingers pointing back at you.

 

Those three fingers serve as a reminder to look at yourself first before you blame someone or something else.  Three fingers outnumber one finger.  Watch carefully where the three fingers point before you look at where the one finger points.

 

This might seem a bit strange at first, but try it anyway.  False self wants to avoid blame so it looks at external situations to find a cause for its unhappiness.  True self knows that all “problems” are first solved from within before we solve the external manifestation of the “problem”.  True self knows that we must look within before we look without to understand and resolve a “problem”.

 

Use this method of three fingers against one as a subtle device to help retrain false self.  We are so accustomed to pointing fingers at our “problems” that at first it will be hard to even remember to look at our hand.

 

Don’t worry.  One day you will be all caught up in blaming someone and this example will come back to mind.  You won’t want to look at yourself, but you will remember that those three fingers tell you that you should.  You might look at the three fingers and you might not.  The important thing is that you remembered the example.

 

Next time the example comes up you might acknowledge that it has some validity.  You might start to look back at your self instead of continuing to blame someone or something else.  Over time, you will realize that all “problems” are resolved inside.  You will see that false self keeps looking outside and that true self is inside and that true self is the answer to all of our false self “problems”.

 

I urge you to watch very carefully when you blame an external situation for your unhappiness.  The sooner you see that this blame only continues your unhappiness, the sooner you will take responsibility for your “problems” and create your own true happiness.

 

Come back tomorrow when we will look at what actually happens when we do not like those around us.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

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Email

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Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

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False Self is an “It”

August 29, 2008

Thankful Friday

Our regular readers will remember that every Friday we start our post by expressing our gratitude to those around us.  This week I want to thank several of our readers for their feedback and suggestions about ideas they want to explore.  Thanks for the feedback and please keep it coming.

 

We also had a few email exchanges this week that were very thoughtful.  I appreciate all of our readers who took the time to write me this week.  Now, if we could only get these dialogs moved to comments on the blog where everyone can participate and benefit…

 

Our final thank you for the week goes to our new readers.  The number of hits on the site went up this week as did our email subscriber count.  As always we close with our appreciation to WordPress and FeedBurner for providing the free services that make this possible.

 

Housekeeping

Monday, September 1st is the Labor Day holiday in the United States.  I will be taking the day off.  The next post will be Tuesday, September 2nd.  Have a great weekend.

 

False self is an “it”

As you have been reading this blog over the last few weeks we have discussed the concepts of true self and false self at great length.  If you look carefully, I have always referred to false self as “it”.  Today I will discuss the reasons why I use this type of reference.

 

We identify with false self easily

One of the aspects of false self that was discussed several times recently is the idea that it is created for each lifetime.  Every time we reincarnate we create a new false self.  Our true self is the source of all of our knowledge and learning.  Why should we treat false self as a part of ourselves?

 

False self is temporary.  False self is just a physical tool which we use for a lifetime.  We do not take any of our possessions with us when we die.  Why should we take our false self?

 

We have repeated many times that all of our unhappiness, fears, possessiveness, anger, etc. come from false self.  Why would true self want to take that with us after we complete the lifetime?

 

Over the last few weeks we have looked extensively at the reasons why we are so attached to our false self identity.  For all those reasons and many more I always attempt to portray false self as something that is external to false self.  I always attempt to take away any identification with false self.

 

False self is external to true self.  False self is not “me”.  False self is not “us”.  False self is an “it”.  That “it” is not part of us, true self.

 

View false self as external

There are some religious and spiritual teachings and practices that do not make this clear distinction about false self.  If there is one thing that I hope to get across in the body of my writing it is this:

 

False self is not part of me – true self.  False self is merely an external tool that true self uses during a single lifetime.  The more I view false self as external to me the easier I recognize my true self.

 

It is so easy to think that false self is a part of true self.  We have spent several weeks looking at the reasons for this.  Everyone else around us views false self as their identity.  It is very difficult not to do the same.

 

The bottom line is our happiness.  I have learned that there is nothing more important in this world right now than for all of us to find and understand their true happiness.  We began our entire month of discussions on this subject by showing that happiness comes from true self.

 

The vast majority of the world is looking for their happiness from and within their false self.  We have mentioned numerous times that happiness comes internally from true self.  If false self is external to true self, how are we ever going to find happiness through false self?

 

Once again, the more that we can view false self as something which we created this lifetime, the more we will be able to view it as external to true self.  The more we can see that the unhappiness, anger, violence, and fears as part of the false self identity the easier it will be to externalize false self.

 

Have a great weekend

That is all for today, this week, and this month.  Once again, we will not be posting on Monday.  Our next post will be Tuesday, September 2nd.

 

Have a great weekend!

 

Until Tuesday –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

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Email

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Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

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Tips to Get Yourself in the Moment

August 27, 2008

Yesterday we illustrated the link between the concepts of true self, false self and being in the moment.  We heard that false self can never be in the moment.  Hopefully we felt and understood that true self is always in the moment.

 

So what did we learn from this?  I hope we learned that our happiness comes from being true self and in the moment at all times.

 

Are you ready for a few tips about how to get yourself in the moment?  Let’s go!

 

Take a chill pill

When we are upset, angry, frustrated, sad, etc., we are not in the moment.  The most important thing that we can do when we notice that we are not in the moment is to calm down.  Chill out.  Relax.

 

Eckhart Tolle has done some excellent work with his explanations of how to calm down and get ourselves in the now.  He recommends that we become silent.  Then we take a few slow breaths.  As we take those breaths, we begin to sense our body.  We continue taking deep breaths, we watch those breaths move in and out of the body, and we gradually calm ourselves down.  As we calm ourselves down we next start to observe our thoughts.

 

Observe yourself

As we calm ourselves we begin to have enough concentration that we can begin to observe our thoughts.  When we are upset, the internal thoughts, the chatter if you will, are so loud and so intense that we are unable to think clearly.  Part of the reason that we calm ourselves down is to begin to watch our thoughts.

 

As we begin to observe our thoughts we are able to watch for the harmful ones.  Acting out our harmful thoughts is a good way to cause ourselves a mess.  When we are upset we bombard ourselves with so many thoughts that we cannot sort through them.  We react to some of them and a few of those thoughts are harmful.  That is how we create our messes.

 

As we learn to observe our thoughts it will take a little time to learn to see the harmful ones.  That is fine.  This is a skill, and like any other skill it requires practice.  The important thing is to start.  Take every opportunity you have to observe your thoughts.  For now, don’t worry about doing anything about them, just learn to watch them.

 

We have looked at the idea of observation many times on this site.  I have found it to be the most fundamental skill required to be in the moment.  Observation must be practiced at all times in order to stay in the moment.

 

Ignore the chatter

A few paragraphs ago we talked about the chatter in our heads.  As we learn to observe our thoughts we begin to hear the chatter.  That chatter is nothing but false self nonsense.  However, we have been listening to and acting out this chatter for our entire life.  We think this chatter is ourself.

 

This chatter is the reason that we learn to calm down.  The chatter gets so loud and our reaction so immediate that we wind up out of control.  We can be out of control angry, violent, depressed, possessive, euphoric, and many more.  The point is that we are no longer observing the chatter.  We have become the chatter.

 

As we calm down and then start to observe, the chatter will return.  As we begin this process of observation we usually don’t even notice that the chatter has returned.  The chatter is so pervasive that we expect it to be there.  It returns and we are off to the races again.  Do not worry or get upset.  Eventually we will notice that we are unhappy.  We will ask ourselves “what happened?”  We will realize that we have to get back in the moment.

 

Do not be afraid to fail

In another post I compared learning this technique to learning to ride a bicycle.  In many ways this is the appropriate analogy.  Each starts with not knowing how, being afraid of the task, failing as we learn, and eventually learning to perform the task.

 

Do not be afraid to fail.  Chances are that you will.  We all start to learn to be in the moment.   We all start to see how much happier we are when we are in the moment.  Then we all make a sharp turn and go off on a tangent and create a new mess.  This is all part of the process.

 

Very few people have ever learned to be in the moment and then never gotten out of the present again.  For most of us it is a skill that we must practice, even when we have made great advancement.

 

I will not claim to always be in the moment.  However, I will claim that I have learned enough about staying in the moment to understand that it is my source of happiness.  I also have learned enough about staying in the moment that I am able to help others learn what I have learned for themselves.

 

One last point about failure – true self is not afraid to fail.  True self knows that it cannot “fail.”  When true self falls short of our objectives it views this as progress.  True self knows that by falling short of the objective we will learn something that we can use to get closer to the objective on the next attempt.  True self views as learning what false self views as failure.

 

Summary

Here is the summary of today’s tips:

 

  1. Take a chill pill – The first step to getting ourselves into the present is to calm down
  2. Observe yourself – Once we have relaxed we can start to observe ourselves, most especially our thoughts
  3. Ignore the chatter – As we start to learn the skill of observation the chatter will return.  We will gradually learn to ignore this chatter.
  4. Do not be afraid to fail – Learning this skill is like learning to ride a bicycle.  We will fail, but we will also learn from those failures.

 

That is all for today.  Tomorrow we will have a few more tips that will help you stay in the moment.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

Talk to us!  Post a comment or a question!

 

Subscribe

 

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This email list is maintained by Feedburner, a subsidiary of Google.  I hate to receive spam and advertisements in my email.  I will never sell your email address for such purposes.

 

Email

You can email us directly at:  noahnow@yahoo.com

 

Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

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Learning to Be In the Moment

August 26, 2008

In the last few days one of our readers asked me to talk a bit more about being in the moment.  They wanted some suggestions about how to be in the moment.  So here is that explanation.  Let’s go!

 

True self is always in the moment

In the last few weeks we have discussed at length the ideas of true self and false self.  The link to being in the moment is whether or not we are acting from true self or accepting the unhappiness of false self.

 

When we are operating from true self we are in the moment.  You might ask “how will I know when that happens?”  Here are a few ways to recognize that you are in the moment.

 

The most important way to recognize that you are in the moment is that you are absolutely peaceful and calm.  You are so calm that you do not really care what happens.  Deep inside you know that whatever happens is just fine because you know that you can handle it.  You know that the choices you make are the correct choices and that all you need to do is take the appropriate steps and you will accomplish anything you choose to do.

 

Another way to recognize when you are in the moment is that you do not notice the passage of time.  Whatever you are doing, you have become so involved that you do not realize that several hours have passed.

 

I heard a good example of this recently.  Leonard Bernstein, the conductor and composer, was recounting a time when he was conducting a symphonic performance.  He said that he stepped on the podium and began conducting.  The next thing he remembered was the applause at the end of the event.  He had been in the moment so deeply that several hours had passed without him realizing that passage.

 

Have you ever noticed yourself watching your thoughts or actions?  Whether you realized it or not you were being the “observer”.  There are many spiritual and religious practices that discuss the idea of observation as a way to self mastery.

 

For me, observation is the key to really learning how to be in the moment.  We will discuss observation at greater length tomorrow.  For now just note that whenever you step outside of yourself for the shortest instant and see yourself from a different perspective you are in the moment.  When you catch that glimpse congratulate yourself for that achievement and begin to recognize the feeling, and then repeat this as often as possible.

 

False self is never in the moment

By definition, false self can never be in the moment.  That is why it is false self.  False self is the place where we experience all the things that we do not want to be.  Let’s take a look at a few characteristics of false self and why that is not being in the moment.

 

First of all, whenever we are not happy we are not in the moment.  False self has a myriad of excuses that it decides are reasons for not being happy.  It does not have the possessions that it wants so it is unhappy.  It was awakened in the middle of the night so it is upset that it did not get enough sleep.  And here is the big one.  Someone burned its toast this morning so it must be upset all day about that insult.

 

Why are these things not being in the moment?  Let’s take a closer look at a few of these examples.  See if you can spot the pattern.

 

When false self does not think that it has the possessions that it should have it is actually envisioning another time.  In that envisioned time period false self has the big house, the expensive car, the beautiful clothes that it thinks it should have now.  False self does not have those possessions at this moment and it senses a disconnect.  It also senses the possibility that it might never get those possessions.  False self becomes unhappy until it either finds something new about which to feel unhappy or we get back in the moment.

 

If false self is awakened and is upset because it did not get enough sleep it is actually envisioning a time when it should get the sleep it “needs.”  It is convinced that it needs eight hours of undisturbed sleep.  When it is disturbed it compares this vision of the current situation with the idealized time.  It wants to be in the idealized time and gets upset because the current time does not match it.

 

Once again false self decides that it needs to be upset.  That upset can last for a few minutes, hours, or days.  The upset will last until it finds something it views as more important to get upset with or true self takes over and we get back in the moment.

 

Finally, let’s look at what happens when someone burns the toast that false self had planned to eat for breakfast.  This egregious affront to false self causes it to think back on all the previous meals it enjoyed when the toast was prepared properly.  Once again, the envisioned time frame does not match the current experience.

 

For the rest of the day false self takes this perceived injury out on everyone it meets.  It yells at its fellow commuters.  It is sullen with its co-workers.  When it gets home it yells at the children.  It was unhappy all day because of some burned toast.

 

Did you see the pattern here?  It was the false self putting itself in another time period and comparing it to the current experience.  That is the definition of not being in the moment.  The idealized time period will never match the current experience, yet false self never ceases attempting to make it match.

 

When our concentration is not on the current experience, by definition we are not in the moment.  True self concentrates completely on the current experience and endeavors to understand that situation.  True self does not care about a future or past time period.  True self knows that when we concentrate completely on what is going on NOW everything else will take care of itself.

 

Eckhart Tolle has done some excellent work with teaching people to be in the moment.  That work might help you as it has helped me.  Please check our resource page for more information.

 

That is all for today.  Tomorrow we will look at a few tips for learning to be in the moment.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

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Examining a Grudge

August 25, 2008

Welcome Back

Welcome back!  I hope everyone had a great weekend.  The weather in this part of the northeastern US remained great.  I wish the best to all those who have experienced hardships from Tropical Storm Fay.  I hope to take a little time later this week to explain a perspective of what was going on there.  That storm appeared to be an indication that the planetary rebalancing is getting closer.

 

Also this week we will take a closer look at how we can learn to stay in the moment.  I received an inquiry from a reader who asked if we could go into further depth about how to stay in the moment.  We will take a bit of time this week to do just that.

 

Today we will take a look at an example of how the false self holds a grudge.  The lesson to take from this is how unhappy this can make us for many years.

 

Are you ready to look at how silly a grudge can be?  Let’s go!

 

An Old Grudge

Many people know that I am a cineaste, a person who is a fan of movies.  My preference is classic movies from all over the world.  Pursuing this interest allows me to watch the false self in action from many perspectives.  Sometimes it is the way the plot is written and the characters act out their parts.  When researching the history of the movies one encounters many stories where actors lived their real lives deeply enmeshed in their false self illusions and fears.

 

This weekend I was watching an interview with a very famous director.  The interview was recorded several years ago when the director was over eighty years old.  The director has since passed.

 

During the interview the discussion turned to an incident many years ago when the director had punched a critic.  When asked about the incident the director readily admitted to having attacked the critic.

 

Evidently the reason the director physically attacked the critic was that the critic had written reviews of the director’s work that the director did not like.  The director said that he thought that by punching the critic he would intimidate the critic so that the critic would no longer write about him.

 

The part of the interview that I found extremely sad was that the director said “I hated that man then, and I hate him now.  Even though he is now dead I will always hate him.”

 

Carrying Great Pain

What I found so sad about this interview was that this world acclaimed man had chosen to bring himself so much pain.  This deep seated hate of the critic had caused him to act in a very painful manner and attack the man.  Then he chose to cause continuing pain by nurturing a deep and hateful grudge for the critic.

 

How many of us carry similar pain?  False self decided that some incident in the past was so hurtful that we were going to punish the one(s) who caused the hurt by hating them for the rest of our lives.

 

I have an acquaintance that has carried the same type of hurt for over thirty five years.  He was in combat in the Viet Nam war and has yet to release his hate of the ones he fought.  Just like the director, the object of his hate is dead, yet he continues to hurt himself by continuing to hate.

 

Why Does False Self Hate?

There are many reasons that false self hates, but they all come down to either perceiving that it has been hurt or anticipating that it might be hurt.  In the case of our director, his false self perceived that it had been hurt.  Let’s step through this based on what we have learned in the last few weeks.

 

This all starts with the director’s false self identification with his work.  As we have seen, this identification causes false self to think that the film is part of itself.  Now that the film is part of itself any remark (true or not) that false self chooses not to like will be viewed as an attack on false self.  An attack on the film is the same as an attack on false self.

 

In order to “defend” itself false self determined that the best course of action would be to attack the critic.  The stated reason was to keep the critic from writing about the director’s work.  This means that the false self attacked the critic so that the critic would not continue to hurt the false self by writing about the director’s work.  In other words, the critic could not hurt the false self if he no longer wrote about the director.

 

In this case the director first perceived an attack on false self through the unflattering writings of the critic.  Hurt number one for the false self.  The false self attacked the critic to keep him from hurting false self again.  Hurt number two for the false self.  This attack hurt false self much more than it hurt the critic.

 

In order to “prove” that false self was “right” when it attacked the critic the false self then chose to hate the critic.  The false self “logic” here was that if we could always view the critic with hate then we would not have to look at the possibility that we might have been wrong to attack the critic.

 

This became hurt number three for the false self. And it became the hurt that it nurtured for the rest of its life.  It is so sad to see people hurt themselves in this manner.  When we really understand how the false self is controlling our lives through fears and illusions we wonder why people choose to hurt themselves so deeply.  At least I wonder about that.

 

That’s all for today.  I am very interested in hearing your insights regarding the example we looked at today.  A discussion about this type of situation is always thought provoking for everyone involved.  Please share your thoughts with our other readers.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

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Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

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