Simplify Our Life – Non-Supportive Family

I am sure some of you have been scratching your head and wondering what the last two posts have had to do with simplifying your life.  When I started writing about family I thought that I would be able to explain it in one or two posts.  Surprise!  It is going to take a total of five.

 

Simplify your blood family

In the last two posts we talked about our blood families.  We first talked about the idea of functional and nonfunctional families.  Then we learned about the need to examine our family.  If you have not read those posts please do so.  Reading them is pretty much a prerequisite for understanding this post.

 

Today we will look at a strategy for dealing with the results of our examination of our family.  This strategy is used when we need to get out of a non-supportive relationship.

 

We are accepted

As in all of our relationships we generally have different relationships with the different members of our blood family.  Some will totally accept us for who we are.  These are good relationships that we should attempt to maintain and nurture.  We need to accept these family members unconditionally in the same way they accept us.

 

When acceptance is conditional

Other family members will want to put conditions on their acceptance of us.  These relationships can be summarized with the phrase “if you were really my daughter and loved me you would call me more often.”   Substitute “daughter” for whatever relationship is appropriate for you.  Substitute “call me more often” for any behavior that fits the relationship.

 

These relationships based on conditional acceptance are always painful for us.  The base cause of the pain is that we are not being accepted for who we are.  We usually do not see that.  What we see is that someone is attempting to force us to do things that we do not want to do.

 

We don’t want to call our mother more often.  We don’t want to play baseball but we do so because it will make dad happy.  We don’t want to buy flowers for our sister’s birthday to prove to her that we love her.  We want to express our acceptance in our own way, but they force us to do it their way.  Then, if we do express our acceptance and caring in our own way, they conclude that we do not love them and blame us for hurting them.

 

You can see where this kind of relationship goes.  Over time we are more and more constricted in our behavior towards this relative.  We become more and more unhappy but do not want to hurt them.  This is how nonfunctional families perpetuate themselves.

 

The separation strategy

The first strategy that we will look at is the separation strategy.  This is the more drastic and more final solution.  The way this strategy works is that we commit to attempting to explain to the relative who is placing conditions on their acceptance of us that they are limiting us.

 

If at all possible we should avoid talking about how we are being hurt by them.  There are two reasons for this.  The first goes back to the idea that only the false self can be hurt.  When we talk about being hurt then we are exhibiting false self behavior.

 

The second reason that we do not talk about being hurt is that our relative will frequently respond by telling us how much we are hurting them.  “You think I hurt you? Let me tell you how much you hurt me!”  This conversation rarely is progressive or has a happy ending.

 

In the separation strategy we talk to our relative about how a relationship is limited when we accept someone only if they pass certain conditions.  We talk about how when we are more open with our acceptance we can more truly understand and like each other.

 

We also make a long term commitment to taking whatever time is required to make sure we have tried every possible way to explain ourselves to this relative.  What we are really doing is telling them that we cannot continue our relationship with them if they continue to put conditions on their acceptance of us.  Usually we do not actually say this to our restricting relative.  This is viewed as an ultimatum and detracts from the discussion.

 

We know that the relationship is too painful for us to continue unchanged.  We take whatever time we can devote and have as many discussions as we can before we choose to separate ourselves from the overly restricting relative.

 

As we separate ourselves we acknowledge to ourselves that we have done everything we can to explain our desire to build a healthy relationship with our relative.  We accept that at this time this relative is more interested in their false self behavior than in building a healthy relationship with us.  We accept them for where they are right now and vow to revisit the relationship whenever we think there might be an opening for us to continue our discussions about acceptance.

 

This can be very devastating to us when we determine that we must go forward with our lives.  We have to recognize that we did everything that we could to help our non-supportive relative to understand why we had to break off the relationship.  We have to understand that if they were coming from their true self then they would have no problem with the break up.  The fact that we had to temporarily break the relationship means that we could no longer allow their false self behavior to control what our true self needs to do.

 

All this can be very difficult to sort through while we are in the middle of it.  These are very emotionally charged situations.  This is precisely why we need to be training false self to listen to true self.  True self understands the importance of each of our relationships and is always able to determine which we need to maintain and which we need to suspend.  By listening to true self we can simplify our family relationships.

 

How is this simplifying our life?

Think about how much time and emotional energy we expend on our blood family relationships.  How much of that is in the mutually accepting and supportive category?  How much is in the dealing with conditional acceptance category?

 

Most of us spend a lot of time and emotional energy dealing with the conditional acceptance placed on us by our blood family.  Should we not turn this around and be spending more time and energy on the mutually accepting and supportive relationships?

 

By recognizing the non-supportive relationships we are simplifying our lives.  True self is determining to relate more frequently with those in our family who support us.  These supportive relationships rejuvenate us.  The non-supportive relationships only drain us.

 

We simplify our lives by first understanding the nature of our blood family relationships.  Next we learn to choose for the supportive relationships because they are beneficial to us and help us to simplify our lives.  No unnecessary time or energy is wasted on them.

 

That is all for today.  Tomorrow we will look at another strategy.  That one is called the “accept but cauterize” strategy.

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

Talk to us!  Post a comment or a question!

 

Subscribe

 

Don’t miss any updates.  Get daily posts by email.  Subscribe to this blog by clicking here: SUBSCRIBE

 

This email list is maintained by FeedBurner, a subsidiary of Google.  I hate to receive spam and advertisements in my email.  I will never sell your email address for such purposes.

 

Email

You can email us directly at:  noahnow@yahoo.com

 

Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

noahnow@yahoo.com

 

Don’t Dwell on What You Don’t Have

Today I will explain a very valuable technique that I use to clarify my thinking.  When I need to attain something it is easy to say “if I only had…” as a means of resolving the issue.  Today we will look at a positive way to use the perspective of our true self to attain an objective.

 

Are you ready?  Let’s go!

 

Taking inventory

Have you ever noticed that when you want to achieve or attain something you get discouraged?  There are many reasons that cause this discouragement.  Today we will look at one, and hopefully start to learn to overcome it.

 

Watch your thinking process the next time you decide to do something difficult.  See if this happens to you.

 

Let’s say we deicide to buy a car.  For some of us this may be a simple process.  For others this can be a daunting task.  False self may immediately start taking inventory.  However, watch the inventory that false self discovers.

 

It will come up with things like you don’t have enough money for the down payment, you don’t have enough money for the monthly payment, and you don’t have enough money for the insurance.  The problem is that you haven’t even decided on which car you want.  False self has already given you a bunch of “problems” that you have to overcome.  You don’t want this inventory.

 

False self gives us more unwanted inventory as we proceed down the path of getting a car.  How long will we have to wait for the car?  Do they have it in our favorite color?

 

Those are borderline negatives.  However, one of the ones false self is sure of is that we have to buy a used car.  False self cannot stand the loss through depreciation that happens to a new car.

 

True self looks for ways to accomplish

When we take a look at the false self inventory described in the previous section we find that the items are mostly ways to keep from accomplishing our goal of buying a car.  For some reason that I do not understand, false self is always looking for the ways that we “can’t” get something done.

 

We can’t buy a car because we don’t have the money.  We can’t buy a car because they do not have it in our favorite color.  We can’t buy a new car because we will lose “a lot of money” through depreciation.

True self is not interested in the ways that something “can’t” be done.  We know that there are infinitely more ways that something “can’t” be done then there are ways to do something.  True self concentrates only on the ways to do something.  There is no need to waste our time convincing ourselves with reasons that do not lead towards our goal.

 

Let’s apply that idea to the false self inventory we created about buying a car.  Before we have even chosen a car false self thinks it does not have enough money.  It uses three ways to convince itself – money for the monthly payment, the down payment, and the insurance.

 

True self lumps all the money issues together and looks at them as one issue with three separate parts.  True self waits until after we have chosen and negotiated for the car to look at the money because the specifics are not available until that point.

 

False self is worried about the availability and the color of the car.  True self does not care that much about these “problems”.  True self knows that if there is one car that is the best solution, then waiting for that car to be available is appropriate.  True self may be able to live with a less than optimal color.  However, if the only color choices are absolutely hideous, then true self realizes that this just was not the appropriate car and continues the search process.

 

Finally, true self is not that concerned about losing money by the depreciation that happens when we drive a new car off the lot.  True self may prefer to pay the extra in advance so we can control the mechanical condition of the car. 

 

True self knows that the expensive things like engine, brake, and transmission repairs can be controlled through careful driving.  True self may prefer to control the way the car is operated than to take a chance on the unknown history of a used car.  True self may look at the big picture and decide that we will save on repairs later if we buy a new car now and then maintain it properly.

 

Use this skill

Remember to look at what you do have, not what you don’t have.  I cannot stress to you how important it is to learn this skill and use it in your daily life.  This could be one of the easiest ways to learn to have true self influence many aspects of your life.  As a project manager in the corporate world I used this concept to simplify my tasks.

 

I could accomplish a lot more than my fellow managers because I spent very little time on ideas that did not lead to our goals.  When I ran meetings I would not let the conversation turn to how we “can’t do it” or what we “didn’t have.”  I would turn the discussion towards what we did have and what we could do.

 

Try this technique for a few months.  I think you will see that it can make a difference in your attitude.  For an in depth discussion about how false self views possessions and how true self uses possessions please read the blog entries for August 18 and August 19 of 2008.

 

That’s all for today.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

Talk to us!  Post a comment or a question!

 

Subscribe

 

Don’t miss any updates.  Get daily posts by email.  Subscribe to this blog by clicking here: SUBSCRIBE

 

This email list is maintained by FeedBurner, a subsidiary of Google.  I hate to receive spam and advertisements in my email.  I will never sell your email address for such purposes.

 

Email

You can email us directly at:  noahnow@yahoo.com

 

Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

noahnow@yahoo.com

To Thine Own Self be True

I was watching a movie this weekend and this famous quotation from Hamlet was used.  It started me thinking about how this might mean that we should listen to our true self and not our false self.  But first –

 

Welcome Back

I trust that everyone had a great weekend.  Over the weekend another major hurricane struck the gulf coast of the US.  Our thoughts are with those who are affected by this storm.  If we can be of any help please let us know how we can do so.

 

Another movie

As many of you know I am a cineaste – a movie enthusiast.  One of my great joys is to find a movie that I have not seen before that also contains a great message.  This weekend I found the movie “All That Heaven Allows”.

 

This movie was made in 1955 and among other things examines the conformist nature of society in that era.  The widowed female lead (Cary) begins an affair with a younger man (Ron).  Cary is from the country club set and Ron runs a tree nursery.  All of her friends belong to the country club.  She eventually finds that his friends come from all walks of life.

 

Cary knows that there is something unusual about her lover, but has not yet understood what that is.  The couple gets invited to a party hosted by Ron’s best friends.  These friends, a married couple, have known Ron for many years.  It is the woman of this couple who finally explains what is different about Ron.

 

To thine own self be true

As the two women are preparing for the other party guests they start to talk about the men.  The hostess explains to Cary that Ron lives by the phrase “to thine own self be true.”  The hostess went on to say that Ron finds his security from inside of him, not through his job or money.

 

This discussion triggered a deeper understanding in me.  I realized that Shakespeare must have been talking about finding true self.  Shakespeare was saying that we must be true to true self, not false self.

 

I admit that I have heard this phrase countless times and never made the connection.  When you talk about being true to yourself and finding your security within – what else can you be talking about?

 

On this site, how many times have we written about finding our happiness within?  How many times have we said that false self thinks it can find happiness through attachments to external objects, ideas, or people?  How many times have we talked about true self finding happiness by being in the moment?

 

When I find this type of connection I realize how many people have said similar things.  History, the arts, and spiritual teachings are each full of similar examples.  I guess we discover these insights as we are ready for them.

 

The important stuff

Let’s go back to our movie for a minute.  The hostess went on to tell Cary that Ron only paid attention to the important stuff.  “Ron absolutely refuses to allow the unimportant things to become important.”

 

What a wonderful description of true self.  True self knows that all the things that false self wants to get caught in are truly unimportant.  You know – things like attachments to objects, fears, and the general pettiness that is false self.

 

We have not spent much time on the idea of simplifying our lives.  That is an oversight on my part.  I plan to write on this idea soon, but here are a few ideas about simplifying our lives.

 

To put it briefly, false self makes a lot more out of things than is necessary.  It makes mountains out of mole hills.  Because it has such a dislike for itself it has to aggrandize things to prove that it is important.  It justifies its stature by comparing itself to things that are big, important, influential, and generally of great magnitude.  It thinks that it will bask in the glory of these things and prove it is worthy of respect.

 

True self does not need complicated or grandiose things.  True self does what is necessary and does not care what any one thinks.  True self knows that by making something complicated we only take time and energy from another important task that needs to be accomplished.  True self will do whatever necessary to perform a required task, but has no desire to make the effort greater than necessary.

 

See the movie

I have provided a link to an online synopsis of the movie “All That Heaven Allows”.  It is an interesting study of a relationship wherein the individuals are at different levels of understanding the concepts of true self and false self.  They encounter many experiences that we all bump into as we travel our spiritual paths.  Please post your thoughts about this movie after you have seen it.  I am very interested in your insights.

 

The movie is available through Netflix.  You can also find it on cable TV.  Set your TiVo to record it.  I have no affiliation with TiVo or Netflix.  I just find them to be very useful.

 

That’s all for today.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

Talk to us!  Post a comment or a question!

 

Subscribe

 

Don’t miss any updates.  Get daily posts by email.  Subscribe to this blog by clicking here: SUBSCRIBE

 

This email list is maintained by FeedBurner, a subsidiary of Google.  I hate to receive spam and advertisements in my email.  I will never sell your email address for such purposes.

 

Email

You can email us directly at:  noahnow@yahoo.com

 

Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

noahnow@yahoo.com

 

The Impossible Dream

Yesterday we looked at our hands as a metaphor for the internal conflict that can happen as we begin our spiritual growth.  Today we continue that metaphor and reach for the stars.  But first…

 

Thankful Friday

Our custom is to take a moment each Friday to thank those around us.  Today we thank the member of our Tuesday discussion group who has found the writings on this site to be helpful.  We hope that what is written here helps people.  This confirmation helps us to know that we are proceeding in a way that others find beneficial.

 

Next we would like to thank our new email subscribers.  We are experiencing a gradual growth in our subscriber list.  Anyone who would like to receive the daily update in their email can click here:  SUBSCRIBE

 

As always we end with thanks to WordPress and FeedBurner.  They provide the free tools that make this site possible.  Thanks!

 

The impossible dream

When I was growing up there was a Broadway show called “Man of La Mancha”.  It was made into a movie in 1972.  Unfortunately the movie was not as good as the original Broadway production, but it is what is available.

 

A few weeks ago I was watching this movie and realized that there could be a metaphor for the concepts of true self and false self contained therein.  You know these concepts – we talk about them all the time.

 

The more I watched the movie the more it seemed that Don Quixote was attempting to see through the illusions and deal with people as their true selves.  In the course of the movie he was portrayed as being crazy because he was substituting his attempt at clear sight for the illusions that those around him believed in.

 

Back in the day, one of the iconic songs from this movie was “The Impossible Dream.”  If you click on the link you will go to the lyric of the song.

 

As I listened to the song I realized that it was describing the quest upon which we embark when we seek our true happiness.  Let’s take a look at a few lyrics to illustrate this point:

 

“To fight the unbeatable foe” – is this the conflict between true self and false self?  False self wants us to believe it is dominant and that it will be in charge no matter what we do.

 

“To run where the brave dare not go” – what can be more brave than taking on our false self?  So many of the people around us just give in and accept false self.  Who are the brave few that take the risk of finding true self?

 

“To try when your arms are too weary” – those who find their true happiness are those who never give up.  No matter how tired they get they pursue their quest because they know that their true happiness depends on the outcome.

 

“That my heart will be peaceful and calm when I am laid to my rest” – to me this is obvious.  He knows that his happiness comes from the quest and that his peace and happiness are the result of that pursuit.

 

“And the world will be better for this” – he knows that those around him do not understand his quest.  He also knows that the world will be better because of his quest.  One person striving for their true happiness may inspire others.  The only choice is to persevere.

 

“The unreachable star” – life is a journey, not a destination.  We never reach a full understanding of our true self.  We reach for that star, but we never get there.  The journey is the reaching.

 

On the other hand

Ok – so what does all this have to do with yesterdays post “On the Other Hand”?  Remember how we talked about our right hand holding our new spiritual understandings?  Remember how we talked about the right hand pulling us towards our true self?

 

As I was thinking about that image I also saw the end of the movie, “Man of La Mancha.”  As the cast is singing “to reach the unreachable star” they have their hands raised over their heads.

 

The image I saw next was that we are all reaching for the unreachable star.  We all have our right hand raised above our heads and we are all being drawn forward on our quest for the impossible dream of finding our true happiness.

 

Can you see yourself doing this?  Right now, reach your right hand above your head.  See all of your dreams of true happiness in that right hand.  Now watch as your body reaches for true self.  Also notice that true self is pulling you up.

 

Now let go of what ever is in your left hand.  That is what is holding you back.  That is your unhappiness.  That is why you are getting torn.  True self is pulling you – false self is holding you back.

 

Let go and reach for that unreachable star.  You can do it.  I know you can.

 

Have a great weekend! Until Monday –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

Talk to us!  Post a comment or a question!

 

Subscribe

 

Don’t miss any updates.  Get daily posts by email.  Subscribe to this blog by clicking here: SUBSCRIBE

 

This email list is maintained by FeedBurner, a subsidiary of Google.  I hate to receive spam and advertisements in my email.  I will never sell your email address for such purposes.

 

Email

You can email us directly at:  noahnow@yahoo.com

 

Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

noahnow@yahoo.com

 

On the Other Hand

Last week I participated in a discussion where one of the participants was struggling to accept the spiritual awakening they were experiencing.  Today we will look at some ideas that can help us to balance our spiritual awakening with our existing beliefs and behaviors.

 

Email distribution

For some unexplained reason the email distribution for Tuesday did not go out on schedule.  The post was uploaded in time and the RSS feed even updated correctly.  The post for Tuesday was picked up and included in the email distro for Wednesday, so that became a two for one.

 

As I have said many times before, FeedBurner is a free service.  Most of the time they do a great job.  They have an occasional hiccup, but since none of us are paying anything we must accept the occasional outage.

 

Any of our new readers who would like to receive this post as a daily email should click here:  SUBSCRIBE  FeedBurner will make you fill out the standard screening form and send you a confirmation email.  Please be sure to follow the directions in the confirmation email to receive your daily update.

 

On the one hand

I was a part of a discussion last week where someone was struggling with some new understandings.  They were saying that they heard a lot of truth in what was being discussed and they were being drawn to that truth.

 

However, this individual was being torn by their current beliefs and behaviors.  Most of us experience the same conflict as we begin to travel our spiritual path.  We have an existing way of living that we think we know.  For some reason we have become unhappy with that life and are searching for something else.  When we find something that resonates with us we can get torn between the two.

 

Today we will look at an example of how to begin the resolution of this internal conflict.  An approach that I have used is to start by placing both hands in front of you.  Imagine one hand – let’s say the right hand – as holding the new understandings.  Imagine the left hand as grasping your current understandings and behaviors.

 

Let’s take a look at the left hand first.  In that hand you have your current understandings of spirituality, religion, your relationships, your family, and your possessions.  Whether you realize it or not, your unhappiness is also in your left hand. 

 

At one time we all thought that everything we ever need would be in this hand.  After all, what more do we need?  We are trained from birth that we do not need anything more than family, religion, possessions, and relationships.

 

Let’s look at the last item in our left hand – our unhappiness.  If everything we needed was in our left hand then unhappiness would not be there.  But because that unhappiness is there we have decided to look outside of that hand.

 

On the other hand

The reason that there is something in our right hand is because of the unhappiness we found in our left hand.  Somewhere we sensed that the unhappiness was strong enough to cause us to look for something else.  That something else became our newly found spiritual path.

 

We have begun to travel that path and have discovered a lot of things that will not fit in our left hand.  We put those discoveries in our right hand and start to ask ourselves what to do with them.  Many of these new understandings are clearly in conflict with what is in our left hand.

 

The problem is that these new understandings resonate very strongly with us.  That resonance is so strong that we know that we cannot drop these new understandings from our right hand.  Now we are being pulled very strongly by the attraction to our right hand.  Yet we are attached to the familiar and comfortable things in our left hand.  No wonder we feel torn between the two.

 

What to do, what to do

The resolution of this feeling of being torn can be a challenge.  There can be many steps, but we will start with the first step.  I am sure that this topic will come up again in future posts.  Anyone who wants to discuss this topic further can make a comment on this post and we can begin the discussion immediately.

 

Here is how I solved the internal conflict between my left and right hands.  It took awhile, but I eventually I came out the other side much more peaceful and happy.

 

My first step was to acknowledge and accept the situation.  In my left hand I had a bunch of stuff that was familiar, but that was causing unhappiness.  In my right hand I had other stuff that was pulling me very strongly.  The stuff in my right hand seemed so truthful, yet I could not let go of what was in my left.

 

Eventually I accepted that my unhappiness was in my left hand along with all the other stuff.  I realized that it was that stuff that was causing the unhappiness.  This did not mean that I could let go of it easily.  It was just a realization, but no action had been taken.

 

Likewise I realized that the stuff in my right was leading me towards my true happiness.  Even though I could not yet let go of the stuff in the left hand, I could try to utilize some of the things in my right hand.

 

At first it was simple things.  Like beginning to see that happiness comes from inside, not outside.  Then I learned more about the true self and the false self.  I looked at what spirituality really is and I even started to understand that fear is a behavior that we learn.

 

Don’t get me wrong.  All these investigations did not happen immediately.  I was very attached to my existing beliefs and behaviors in my left hand.  I would merely dabble my right hand in the water of my new understanding to see what it was like.

 

Gradually I began to see that the only thing in my right hand was my true happiness.  Every time I went back to my left hand the only thing I found was my unhappiness.

 

It took many years of dabbling to convince me to let go of what was in my left hand.  After that it took more years of changing my behavior so that I was no longer holding onto what was in my left hand.

 

Eventually my right hand won and I am much more able to notice when my left hand is holding on.  I am also much happier.

 

Trust yourself

To summarize how to resolve the internal conflict that usually comes when we start on our spiritual path – trust yourself.  Your true self is in your right hand.  Your false self is in your left hand.  Trust that your right hand will guide you towards your true happiness.  After all, your left hand has never given you any happiness.  Why would it start to do so now?

 

That’s all for today.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

Talk to us!  Post a comment or a question!

 

Subscribe

 

Don’t miss any updates.  Get daily posts by email.  Subscribe to this blog by clicking here: SUBSCRIBE

 

This email list is maintained by FeedBurner, a subsidiary of Google.  I hate to receive spam and advertisements in my email.  I will never sell your email address for such purposes.

 

Email

You can email us directly at:  noahnow@yahoo.com

 

Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

noahnow@yahoo.com

 

I Like Me – At Last

Last week at my usual Thursday afternoon discussion group we discussed an idea that I had not thought of in awhile.  This concept was a stumbling block for me for many years.  Hopefully this discussion will help you as well.

 

When we don’t like ourselves

Last Thursday we were visited by a woman who was struggling with a few personal issues.  One of the issues that she was dealing with was that she did not like herself.  This triggered my memories of the years that I struggled with the same issue.

 

I offered my perspective about this idea.  I explained that it took me many years to like myself.  Early on in my awakening my guide had explained to me how important it was to like myself.  He explained it over, and over, and over again.  To this day I marvel at his patience.

 

He explained many things that were a part of liking me.  First, until I accepted myself I would not be able to truly accept anyone else.  Next, until I accepted myself and all the “faults” that I saw I would not be able fix those faults.  Third, until I liked and accepted myself I would not find any true self confidence, only false self bluster.

 

The course of the discussion did not allow me to go into all of these details.  What I concentrated on were the ideas of how important it was to like yourself and how long it took me to learn to do so.  I mentioned that I knew I needed to learn to like myself, but that I just was not able to do so for a long time, which in itself added to the tensions.

 

Acceptance comes first

As my guide explained, the first step in liking yourself is to accept yourself just the way you are.  Do not say – “When I have more money I will like myself.”  Nor should we say “When I change this about me I will like myself.”  Take it from me, those things never happen.

 

If we wait until we have more money to like ourselves, that day never comes.  If we think a little money will cause us to like ourselves, then we think a lot of money will cause us to like ourselves even more.

 

If we think we will like ourselves only when we change something about ourselves first, then we will want to change something else before we like ourselves.  Then we will want to change something else, and we never learn to like ourselves because we keep thinking we have to change something first.

 

As we heard about in an earlier post, the idea of changing things before we can pursue our spiritual growth is an illusion.  Also, this is another example of looking for happiness in external situations.  We are saying that changing an external situation will make us happy enough to like ourselves.

 

The truth is we must find a way to accept ourselves the way we are right now.  We must acknowledge, all the warts, blemishes, and other “defects” that we see.  We do not have to like them.  We just need to accept them.  By accepting them we can start to change them.  When we do not accept them those warts and blemishes become the things that keep us from accepting ourselves as we are.

 

Start where you are

I know that this is a common theme through this post, but the idea needs to be repeated.  This aspect was very hard for me to deal with and caused me years of not liking myself.

 

For some reason I just could not accept myself the way I was.  I was very afraid of looking at and acknowledging my “faults”.  Deep inside I knew that they were there.  However, I just could not face the pain of admitting that they were there.  Unfortunately this denial caused me great additional pain over the years.

 

I kept looking for the silver bullet to change things so that I would like myself.  When I did not find the silver bullet I started looking for the magic wand.  Gradually I realized that the only silver bullet or magic wand was my unconditional acceptance of myself.

 

The technique

This took years, but I finally began – I started to look at and take responsibility for my perceived defects and flaws.  I am sure that there are more things that I need to accept about myself.  For now I am comfortable with my progress.  While learning to accept myself I learned a technique that might help you as it has helped me.

 

As always, these techniques involve self observation.  We have discussed the idea of observation in many posts on this site.  Please read a few of these posts to get a further understanding of this concept.

 

My technique for self acceptance is to observe when I am unhappy.  As we have discussed, unhappiness is a false self behavior.  When I notice that I am unhappy I ask myself why I am unhappy.  My causes for unhappiness are usually from some external situation.  Examples would be a dent in my car, not enough money, someone does not like me, etc.

 

When I find the external cause for my unhappiness I remember what happens when I point my finger.  I have three fingers pointing back at me.  This reminds me that my cause for unhappiness is internal, not external.  This cause is usually something that I do not like or have not accepted about myself.

 

Sometimes I quickly find what I am not accepting.  I put that on my list of things that I need to accept and start working on it as appropriate.

 

Sometimes I do not find it.  I recognize that I am unhappy, but I do not see the internal cause.  I note that as well.  That unhappiness will come around again and I have to be prepared for it.  Hopefully I will find the internal cause the next time.  In the long run it does not matter.  As long as I am truly open to finding the cause of the unhappiness I will eventually find it.

 

I hope that this technique will help you as it has helped me.  Please submit any questions or comments that you might have.  I would like to see how our readers use this technique for themselves.

 

That’s all for today.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

Talk to us!  Post a comment or a question!

 

Subscribe

 

Don’t miss any updates.  Get daily posts by email.  Subscribe to this blog by clicking here: SUBSCRIBE

 

This email list is maintained by FeedBurner, a subsidiary of Google.  I hate to receive spam and advertisements in my email.  I will never sell your email address for such purposes.

 

Email

You can email us directly at:  noahnow@yahoo.com

 

Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

noahnow@yahoo.com

 

The Compass vs. False Self

Review

For the last few days we have been learning to use my compass.  This is a tool that has been very helpful to me over the years.  Today we will look at how the compass can help us to recognize false self behavior.

 

Are you ready?  Let’s go!

 

The compass is true self

What I have done with the compass is to substitute the way that true self looks at existence for the false self illusions.  When we are first created, long before we are able to take a physical lifetime, one of the first things true self learns is why we were created.

 

If you think about it, shouldn’t we know why we are created?  Shouldn’t that also be something simple and easy to understand?  I keep repeating this, but what could be more simple and easy to understand?

 

The reason that we exist is to learn and grow and share that learning and growth with each other.

 

The only rule is that we do not interfere with the free will of another individual because that interferes with their ability to learn and grow in the manner that they choose.

 

Our true self learned this concept almost as soon as we were created.  We have lived our entire existence based on this idea.  We have used this as our guide during our countless lifetimes on other planets.  We have used this during the time that we are nonphysical and are not physically present anywhere.

 

The only time we do not use this principle on which we were created is when we follow what passes for decisions made by our false self when we are on this planet.  As we have stated in many previous posts, this is because we have not properly trained false self to listen to the guidance of true self.

 

The compass vs. false self

For the past month we have taken a long look at false self.  We have attempted to understand why we have a false self, recognize some of the false self behaviors, and explain different kinds of false self attachments.  There is a common thread that runs through all false self behavior.  That thread is that we are not reading our compass.

 

At first it can be very difficult to live our lives by taking readings from our compass.  Many of the ideas and behaviors that we take for granted are diametrically opposed to the compass readings.

 

False self thinks that it has to look after itself first before it can take care of others.  This is true, but not necessarily in the way that false self thinks it is.  False self thinks that if it helps someone else it has to give up or lose something.  False self is convinced that if it shares something with someone else that means that it no longer has what it shared.

 

Think about this for a minute.  If our primary purpose is to learn and then share that learning, how can there be a finite amount of learning?  Isn’t there always something more to learn?  When false self is afraid of losing something when it shares what it has learned – all it is doing is believing in an illusion.

 

There is an infinite amount of knowledge to be gained and there is nothing that true self can lose when it shares that learning.  False self is the only one worried about loss when anything is shared.

 

So much for the learning and sharing part of reading compass.  Let’s look at the part of the reading that talks about not interfering with free will.

 

False self interferes with free will all of the time.  Let’s look at a few situations where it is easy to see this in action.

 

False self is fearful and wants to change a situation so that the fear is eliminated.  One common way of changing the situation is to demand that other people change their behavior.  We find this deliberate interference in everything from our personal relationships, to our justice system and even in international relations.

 

This happens in our personal relationships when our spouse does something that causes us fear.  It may be that our possessiveness is triggered when they talk to someone else.  Possessiveness is just a false self fear.  Even though our spouse may find the conversation very helpful, we demand that they do not talk to this person again.  Our false self behavior – fear – has caused us to interfere with the way our spouse is choosing to learn.

 

In our criminal justice system this happens when we continue to punish individuals who have committed a crime and are attempting to learn form their mistake.  I am not saying that people do not make mistakes.  Neither am I saying that there are many people who do not want to learn from their mistakes. 

 

My point is that there are many people who do the crime, do their time, and then are punished for the rest of their lives.  When we create a justice system that does not make the effort to truly rehabilitate those who want to rehabilitate themselves we are interfering with the free will of those individuals.

 

The same is true for international relations.  When one country decides that it is afraid of another country it usually decides to punish the other country.  The punishments can range from economic sanctions to pre-emptive war.

 

The dispute is usually between the leaders of those countries, not between the citizens who make up the populations of the country.  By punishing the citizens of a country because of a dislike of their leader we are interfering with their free will to live the way they chose.  Who knows, given enough time and free will they might even get rid of their leader and chose one that we like.

 

Multiple levels

We have just seen how we can apply our compass to false self based fear.  These examples looked at several levels from the personal to the international.  They all share the same root.

 

False self based fear is not the only way that we trigger interference with the free will of others.  It is just one of the more common ways.  One of the ways we can learn to use the compass is to use it to read our relationships with those around us as well as our thoughts about the situations around us.  Whenever the compass tells us that we are interfering with the free will of other individuals we have found a very good indication that we are engaging in false self behavior.

 

That’s all for today.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

Talk to us!  Post a comment or a question!

 

Subscribe

 

Don’t miss any updates.  Get daily posts by email.  Subscribe to this blog by clicking here: SUBSCRIBE

 

This email list is maintained by FeedBurner, a subsidiary of Google.  I hate to receive spam and advertisements in my email.  I will never sell your email address for such purposes.

 

Email

You can email us directly at:  noahnow@yahoo.com

 

Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

noahnow@yahoo.com

 

Take a Compass Reading

Welcome back

Welcome back.  I hope everyone had a great weekend.  Here in the northeast US we had tropical storm Hanna move through on Saturday.  That was a warm and humid day that eventually begat a lot of rain and wind.  Fortunately there was limited damage in this area.  Sunday was a great day with lots of sunshine and comfortable temperatures.

 

We ended last week with a look at my compass.  Today we will take a closer look at how to take a reading with my compass.  Are you ready?  Let’s go!

 

How to read the compass

On Friday we talked about a tool that I call my compass.  The compass has guided me through many confused situations over the years.

 

To quickly review, the compass is based on the concept that the reason we exist is to learn and grow and to share that learning with each other.  The only rule is that we do not interfere with the free will of another individual because that keeps them from being able to learn and grow in the ways that they choose.

 

When I take a reading with the compass I am looking for understanding within a situation.  The readings usually happen when I come across a situation that appears to be confusing.  Sometimes I look to the compass to help me see how the learning of the individuals in the situation is being supported.  At other times I look to the compass to see when the free will of individuals is being repressed.  Understanding these points helps me to more clearly evaluate the situation.

 

On Friday I showed how I have used the compass to help understand a political situation.  Today we will look at a more personal situation.  Let’s take a look at how to use the compass to help understand a personal relationship.

 

Reading a relationship

Many of us have been in less than healthy relationships.  We might have been able to see that the relationship was not healthy while we were in it.  Often we could not see why the relationship was not healthy.  Taking a reading on our compass might help us to understand the situation.

 

Many of us have been in relationships where one individual was exhibiting controlling behavior.  That individual might have even been us.  Let’s look at one example a possibly controlling behavior.

 

Suppose that one spouse does not want the other spouse to work.  The one spouse makes enough money that the other spouse does not need to work.  (I recognize that in the current economy both spouses usually have to work, but let’s go along with the example for now.)  There could be a variety of reasons for the one spouse to demand the other does not work.  There could also be a number of reasons for the other spouse to work anyway.

 

If we are the spouse that wants to work and we want some guidance regarding the situation, we pull out our compass.  We look first at the aspect of learning and growth.  Do we want to work because we want to further our learning and growth?  If so we make note of that and continue to take the next part of the reading.

 

If we want to work only to get out of the house then it is probably not that important to our learning and growth.  We make note of that and move on to the next part of the reading.

 

Now we look at the second factor.  Is someone interfering with the free will of an individual?  This can get tricky to understand.  Many times when someone is interfering with the free will of another they do not realize it.  Also, we can be ultrasensitive when we think someone is interfering with our free will.  We need to be as objective as possible when we take this part of the reading.

 

Let’s say we think that our spouse is interfering with our free will by arbitrarily telling us not to work.  This is a very serious situation and requires more analysis.

 

What we should do in this situation is to look at their behavior in other situations.  We need to find out if our spouse has a habit of controlling other individuals to take away their free will, or are they just doing it in this situation.  If they do not have a habit of taking away free will, then we address just this instance.  If they have a habit of controlling people then that has implications on our entire relationship with this individual.

 

Taking a reading does not mean taking action

It is important to understand that we do not always have to take action after we have taken a compass reading.  In our society we are so accustomed to taking action that we have almost lost the skill of reflection.  We think that if we see something that we must act immediately.

 

In this case I urge that when we take a compass reading that we do nothing other than to think about the situation.  The compass is best used for large decisions that should be approached carefully and with much thought.

 

Look at this way – the compass tells us the course that we need to steer.  Once we know where we need to go we should reserve some time to determine how to get there.  In the current example that would mean not reacting as soon as we have taken our compass reading.

 

Let’s say that we have found that we want to go back to work because we want to continue our learning and growth.  We have also found that our spouse does not have a habit of controlling others, but for some reason is acting in a controlling manner in this situation.

 

These two factors should make up the basis of a discussion between us and our spouse.  That discussion may take several months and many conversations to resolve the situation.  Our spouse may not see that they are being controlling.  It may take a few discussions for them to see that they are keeping us from learning and growing.  In the end, if they really care for us they will help us with our learning and growing.

 

I cannot stress the importance of thinking about the results of our compass reading before we take action.  Many times an immediate and reflexive action is false self behavior.  If you are a regular reader of this site you will know how damaging that can be.

 

That’s all for today.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

Talk to us!  Post a comment or a question!

 

Subscribe

 

Don’t miss any updates.  Get daily posts by email.  Subscribe to this blog by clicking here: SUBSCRIBE

 

This email list is maintained by FeedBurner, a subsidiary of Google.  I hate to receive spam and advertisements in my email.  I will never sell your email address for such purposes.

 

Email

You can email us directly at:  noahnow@yahoo.com

 

Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

noahnow@yahoo.com

 

Judge Not

Housekeeping

Here is an update on the FeedBurner distribution issues we encountered last month.  Other than the fact that for some unexplained reason the email distribution for Tuesday, September 2^nd did not go out, this distribution seems to be working well.  The formatting seems to vary for each mail client reader.  I have set the formatting to work with maximum compatibility for most email clients, but your email client may not be as compatible as some others.

 

The RSS feed did not update for almost a week.  It updated over the weekend and seems to be current.  Once again, this is a free service and I really have no control over these issues.  Thank you for your patience while FeedBurner works on these issues.

 

Judge not lest ye be judged

This is another of those principles that are found in most spiritual and religious practices.  Today we will look at this idea through what we have learned about the concepts of false self and true self.

 

False self likes to judge

We will start by reviewing the idea originally posted on August 7th that false self has many attachments.  We looked at several different attachments in that post.  Today we are going to concentrate on how false self attachment to ideas leads to judgmental behavior.

 

First, a quick summary of how false self attaches to ideas.  As we have mentioned numerous times on this site, false self knows that it is not supposed to be in charge of the decision making for our life.  We do not train false self to listen to the true source of decision making.  All of the important decisions about our life should come from true self.

 

False self knows this and becomes fearful.  It looks for things external to it to cling to for reassurance.  It attaches to many things, its body, its possessions, and other people.  It also attaches to many ideas.

 

When it attaches to ideas it ceases to view those ideas objectively.  In attaching to ideas, false self has begun to view those ideas as a part of itself.  Now that it has come to view those ideas as part of itself any questioning or attack on those ideas is viewed as an attack on false self.  That is why when false self attaches to an idea it ceases to be objective – because it can no longer rationally discuss the idea.

 

Now let’s see how this turns into judgment.  I know it is not polite to talk about religion and politics.  That is because so many of us have such strong attachments to our religious and political ideas that we cannot discuss them objectively.  I am still going to use them as examples of how we start to judge.

 

I think we can all easily agree that many people get attached to their religious or political ideas.  When those ideas are questioned many people get defensive because false self thinks that it is being attacked.  Over time false self comes up with a method of attacking before the ideas, and therefore itself, are attacked.  That method is called judgment.  For the most part judgment is synonymous with prejudice.  Etymologists will note that they share the same root word.

 

Rubbing mud

Here is how false self uses judgment to perform pre-emptive attacks as a method of defending itself.  Let’s say that false self is a member of a religion that believes that rubbing blue mud on their bellies will help them achieve eternal salvation.

 

All of false self’s family members have adhered to the Belly Rubbing religion for as long as anyone can remember.  And, as far as anyone can tell all of these people have achieved eternal salvation because they rubbed mud on their bellies.

 

On the other side of the village there are a few people who rub green mud on each other’s backs.  They know that this will help them achieve eternal salvation.  They have always done this and as far as anyone knows, their ancestors have achieved eternal salvation.

 

The Belly Rubbers and the Back Rubbers are in constant conflict.  Each views that the other is wrong because they rub their mud on a different part of the body.  The fact that someone else rubs their mud differently is great cause for false self doubt.

 

Rather than face this doubt, false self takes the easy way out.  False self decides to make the judgment that no matter what other redeeming traits some one else may have, if they rub their mud differently false must dislike them.  The way one rubs their mud has become so important to false self identity that false self must be prejudiced against any one who does not rub the same way as false self.

 

I know this seems like an extreme example, but this is the way many of us approach our ideas.  If you substitute almost any idea from race, to religion, politics, economics, sexual preference, etc. you will see how many different prejudices are active in the world.  It all comes from false self being attached to ideas and thoughts.

 

True self is objective

True self does not have time for attachments to ideas.  True self will not become caught in prejudices.  True self does not lose objectivity when examining ideas.

 

True self knows that the reason that we exist is to learn and grow and to share that learning and growth with each other.  True self knows that when we lose objectivity we interfere with our ability to learn.  True self knows that any prejudice or judgmental behavior keeps us from looking at ideas that are limiting our growth.  True self knows that to grow in all areas we must be able to objectively consider every idea to see if that idea is limiting us.

 

True self knows that when we judge or are prejudiced we hurt another individual because we do show them respect.  True self also knows that at the same time we hurt ourselves even more because we interfere with our learning and growth, and therefore our true happiness.

 

That’s all for today.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

Talk to us!  Post a comment or a question!

 

Subscribe

 

Don’t miss any updates.  Get daily posts by email.  Subscribe to this blog by clicking here: SUBSCRIBE

 

This email list is maintained by Feedburner, a subsidiary of Google.  I hate to receive spam and advertisements in my email.  I will never sell your email address for such purposes.

 

Email

You can email us directly at:  noahnow@yahoo.com

 

Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

noahnow@yahoo.com

What I (Don’t) Like About You

Yesterday we looked at what happens when we point a finger to blame an external cause.  That external cause of our unhappiness can be either someone or something.  We learned that when we point a finger we should look at ourselves as the first possible reason because there are three fingers pointing back at us.

 

Today we will look at what is actually happening when we point our finger of blame at someone else.  Are you ready?  Let’s go!

 

When we don’t like someone

This insight was explained to me many years ago.  I am the type that attempts to understand why everything works as it does.  Hopefully those types of insights and understandings are a reason why I am able to make some of my explanations in simple terms that are easy to understand.

 

However, I admit to being absolutely baffled about why this next principle works.  I have examined it for almost thirty years.  All I can say is that it works.  I have learned to use it, but if anyone understands why it works please let me know.

 

When we point our finger of blame at someone else we say that there is something in that person that causes us to dislike them.   Let’s say that we don’t like them because they are too pushy.

 

Our rationale then becomes that because they are too pushy we cannot get along with them.  Their being pushy gets us upset and we cannot think clearly when we are upset.

 

What I have learned is that when there is a character trait or behavior that someone exhibits that I do not like – it means that I do not like that about myself.  In the previous example it would be that I do not like myself when I am pushy.  This may sound counterintuitive, but it works.

 

Let’s repeat that.  What we do not like in someone else is just an indicator of what we do not like in ourselves.

 

Think about our example of pointing the blame finger.  We learned that the three fingers pointing back at us mean we need to look at ourselves first.  But what do we look at?  We look at what we want to blame about the other person.  That is what the three fingers are trying to tell us.  Look at ourselves first and blame ourselves first for what we want to blame the other for.

 

Don’t blame yourself

I am not really talking about blaming ourselves.  Truly there is no such thing as blame.  We will discuss that idea at a later time.  What I am really saying is to examine yourself first for what you do not like in others.  Take responsibility for exhibiting the same trait or behavior you dislike in others.

 

Chances are you will not see this trait or behavior in yourself at first.  When we have not yet learned the skill of self observation we find it strange when we look for something in ourselves that we dislike.

 

Learning how

Take it from me; I was once in that same position.  I was being told to learn to observe myself.  I was being told that what I did not like in others was something I actually did not like in myself.

 

These concepts rang true with me so I decided to try them for awhile.  It took me awhile to start to look at and understand what I did not like in myself.  However, I did start to recognize what I did not like in others.  That was easy.  I could very quickly make a long list of the things I disliked in other people.  It took me some time to realize that these were the things that I did not like about myself.

 

Gradually I realized that through self observation I was seeing the same things in myself that were on my list of what I did not like in others.  Finally I started to see the wisdom of this insight.

 

Overtime I learned that as long as I was blaming others for what I did not like in myself, I would never fix what I did not like about myself.  The light went on and I finally saw that when I fixed what I did not like in myself I no longer would care about what I did not like in others.

 

I forgave myself

So how did I deal with all these things that I did not like about myself?  I finally learned to forgive myself.  That may seem strange, but it is the process that worked for me.  Evidently I had built up a large list of things that I either disliked myself for or felt guilty about.  I blamed myself for all of those things.

 

With some urging from my guide and teacher I learned that I had no reason to be ashamed of myself.  Shame and guilt are false self behavior.  True self has nothing for which it needs to feel shameful or guilty.  Overtime true self forgave false self for its feelings of shame and guilt.

 

The real dividend from forgiving myself was that I quickly found that I much more easily forgave those around me.  After finally forgiving myself I saw that others were struggling with the same issues that I was.  I quickly became much more compassionate and learned to forgive the same behavior that I once disliked in myself.

 

Please learn to forgive yourself.  You will begin to lead a much happier life and you will have much better relationships with the people in your life.

 

That’s all for today.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

Talk to us!  Post a comment or a question!

 

Subscribe

 

Don’t miss any updates.  Get daily posts by email.  Subscribe to this blog by clicking here: SUBSCRIBE

 

This email list is maintained by Feedburner, a subsidiary of Google.  I hate to receive spam and advertisements in my email.  I will never sell your email address for such purposes.

 

Email

You can email us directly at:  noahnow@yahoo.com

 

Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

noahnow@yahoo.com