False Self is an “It”

August 29, 2008

Thankful Friday

Our regular readers will remember that every Friday we start our post by expressing our gratitude to those around us.  This week I want to thank several of our readers for their feedback and suggestions about ideas they want to explore.  Thanks for the feedback and please keep it coming.

 

We also had a few email exchanges this week that were very thoughtful.  I appreciate all of our readers who took the time to write me this week.  Now, if we could only get these dialogs moved to comments on the blog where everyone can participate and benefit…

 

Our final thank you for the week goes to our new readers.  The number of hits on the site went up this week as did our email subscriber count.  As always we close with our appreciation to WordPress and FeedBurner for providing the free services that make this possible.

 

Housekeeping

Monday, September 1st is the Labor Day holiday in the United States.  I will be taking the day off.  The next post will be Tuesday, September 2nd.  Have a great weekend.

 

False self is an “it”

As you have been reading this blog over the last few weeks we have discussed the concepts of true self and false self at great length.  If you look carefully, I have always referred to false self as “it”.  Today I will discuss the reasons why I use this type of reference.

 

We identify with false self easily

One of the aspects of false self that was discussed several times recently is the idea that it is created for each lifetime.  Every time we reincarnate we create a new false self.  Our true self is the source of all of our knowledge and learning.  Why should we treat false self as a part of ourselves?

 

False self is temporary.  False self is just a physical tool which we use for a lifetime.  We do not take any of our possessions with us when we die.  Why should we take our false self?

 

We have repeated many times that all of our unhappiness, fears, possessiveness, anger, etc. come from false self.  Why would true self want to take that with us after we complete the lifetime?

 

Over the last few weeks we have looked extensively at the reasons why we are so attached to our false self identity.  For all those reasons and many more I always attempt to portray false self as something that is external to false self.  I always attempt to take away any identification with false self.

 

False self is external to true self.  False self is not “me”.  False self is not “us”.  False self is an “it”.  That “it” is not part of us, true self.

 

View false self as external

There are some religious and spiritual teachings and practices that do not make this clear distinction about false self.  If there is one thing that I hope to get across in the body of my writing it is this:

 

False self is not part of me – true self.  False self is merely an external tool that true self uses during a single lifetime.  The more I view false self as external to me the easier I recognize my true self.

 

It is so easy to think that false self is a part of true self.  We have spent several weeks looking at the reasons for this.  Everyone else around us views false self as their identity.  It is very difficult not to do the same.

 

The bottom line is our happiness.  I have learned that there is nothing more important in this world right now than for all of us to find and understand their true happiness.  We began our entire month of discussions on this subject by showing that happiness comes from true self.

 

The vast majority of the world is looking for their happiness from and within their false self.  We have mentioned numerous times that happiness comes internally from true self.  If false self is external to true self, how are we ever going to find happiness through false self?

 

Once again, the more that we can view false self as something which we created this lifetime, the more we will be able to view it as external to true self.  The more we can see that the unhappiness, anger, violence, and fears as part of the false self identity the easier it will be to externalize false self.

 

Have a great weekend

That is all for today, this week, and this month.  Once again, we will not be posting on Monday.  Our next post will be Tuesday, September 2nd.

 

Have a great weekend!

 

Until Tuesday –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

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Email

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Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

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Summarizing the False Self

August 22, 2008

Thankful Friday

As always, we will take a moment and thank those around us for their work and assistance.  Our first thank you goes out to the imsezha who have provided such wonderful weather for the last two weeks.  The weather this month in this area of the northeast US has been close to perfect.  (If you want to know who the imsezha are post a comment asking the question.)

 

Our second thanks goes to our readers.  Thank you for taking the time to read this site on a regular basis.  Our final thanks goes to WordPress and FeedBurner for providing the free tools that make this site possible.  Thanks!

 

What is the false self?

For the past few weeks we have taken a very detailed look at the concepts of true self and false self.  Today we are going to summarize the major characteristic of the false self and how it functions.  Our hope is that the more we recognize false self the more we will recognize the pain that comes from living in the false self identity.

 

We have learned that false self begins to be created as soon as we are born.  It knows it is supposed to be trained by true self.  True self is our nonphysical self that is the repository for everything we have ever learned.  At the beginning of each lifetime it is supposed to take charge and train false self to be the eyes and ears for true self during the lifetime.  True self is supposed to make all the decisions, not false self.

 

On this planet we do not do this with our infants.  The parents do not understand what true self is, so they allow the false self to take charge.  False self knows that it is not supposed to be in charge and begins to form its identity based on this fear of being alone and being in charge.

 

False Self Forms Attachments

False self in an infant is supposed to look to true self for guidance and its identity.  Because we do not train our infants to listen to true self our infants begin to take their false self identity from the physical objects around them.

 

The initial attachments that an infant forms are to their body and to those people around it.  Gradually the infant begins to form attachments to their thoughts and ideas.

 

By the time the child is about seven years old these initial attachments are set strongly enough that they will govern the child’s behavior for the rest of their life – or until they learn to retrain the false self.  There are times when true self steps in and says that we can rid ourselves of an attachment or a fear, and we do so.  However these times are relatively few and far between.

 

A Tangled Web of Fears and Attachments

As we have just seen, false self begins to form its identity from the fear that it knows that it is not supposed to be in charge of the lifetime.  It has not understood that true self is supposed to make the decisions.  It has also not been trained to listen to true self for guidance.  It becomes very fearful when it comes to the conclusion that it will have to operate alone for the lifetime.

 

In order to quell that base fear false self begins to create an identity based on attachments to the things around it.  As the child gets older these attachments become the source of the false self identity.

 

The false self identity is now made of such attachments as its clothing, its automobile, its body, its nationality, its religion, and many more.  Because the false self has yet to understand that true self is always available it believes that it is actually all these attachments.

 

The additional fears come from the perceived questioning or injuring of any of the attachments.  False self identifies with its automobile.  If someone scratches that automobile, then false self perceives that it has been scratched.  False self identifies with its religious beliefs.  If someone appears to question those religious beliefs, false self views this as its identity being questioned.

 

Frequently when the false self identity is injured or questioned false self thinks it has to defend or attack in order to protect that identity.  If someone questions its political views, false self thinks it has to lash out at that someone to defend its identity.  If false self thinks someone is going to take its possessions, it attacks in order to protect those possessions and therefore its identity.

 

The Difficulty of Retraining False Self

Ok – so we are starting to see where our unhappiness comes from.  Our false self is attached to all kinds of objects, people, and thoughts that it thinks create its identity.  We spend most of our lives acting out the fears that false self experiences because it is protecting its false self identity.  We know we are unhappy.  Why can’t we learn to become happy?

 

The reason why it takes awhile to learn to be happy is that false self is resisting us at every turn.  As we start to listen to and understand our true self we also start to question the false self identity.  We start to see the fears and attachments for what they are – our source of unhappiness.

 

Initially false self does not know whether or not it can trust true self.  False self has been running things for many years and has become quite afraid of anyone or anything questioning its fears and attachments.  It has spent the entire lifetime defending those fears and attachments.  It does not like true self questioning its identity.

 

We retrain false self by continuously facing its fears and attachments.  We learn to listen to true self and the quiet little voice that will not submit to those fears and attachments.  That quiet little voice eventually convinces false self that true self understands what is going on and can be trusted.

 

Although we can have great insights and make large advancements in a single step, the typical path is one of small but frequent steps.  We see a small fear and conquer it.  We see a small attachment and let it go.  We make the small steps as we see them, but do not wait for the big steps.  Those will happen, but they will happen in their own time when we least expect them.  The gradual daily progress is what will bring us closer to our true happiness.

 

That is all for today.  I hope everyone has a great weekend!

 

Until Monday –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

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Email

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Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

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Understanding More of the False Self Identity

August 21, 2008

Recap

Yesterday we started to get a sense for how the false self builds its identity.  We discussed how this identity is built from attachments.  Finally we touched on a few of the external things that false self uses to create its false identity.

 

Today we will continue the list of things false self thinks we are but true self knows that we are not.  Let’s go!

 

The List Continues

Yesterday we ended the daily post with a few of the external situations that false self uses to construct its false identity.  Here are a few more things that you are not:

 

You are not your car.  Yesterday we discussed the idea of you are not your possessions.  We also looked at the idea that you are not your clothes.  Another common thing that we think we are is our car.

 

We do not literally think we are something with four wheels and an engine.  We are attached to the image that the car gives us.  If you think about the example from yesterday about clothes, many of us approach our automobiles in the same manner.

 

A car is something that is external that can project an image.  Like becoming attached to the image clothing gives us, we become attached to the image the car gives us.  Then we transfer that attachment from the image to the car and we start to create a false identity based on our car.  As with any attachment this will eventually lead to unhappiness.

 

You are not your political party.  This one is an example of being attached to our thoughts.  We have discussed the general idea of attachment to thoughts elsewhere on this site.  Now it is time to take a closer look at some specific thoughts and ideas to which we develop attachments.

 

Many of us choose a political party that we feel represents our view point.  That is as it should be.  When we develop an attachment to that party and incorporate that attachment as a part of our identity we have doomed ourselves to unhappiness.

 

When we say “I am a Republican”, or “I am a Democrat” we are most likely showing an attachment to our political party.  We can be just as attached to being an independent.  Once again it is not the favoring of a political party; it is creating an attachment to the idea of being a member of that party and incorporating that attachment into our false identity.

 

You are not your religious beliefs.  Just like the example of attaching to a political affiliation, we do the same thing with our religious beliefs.  We determine which religion we agree with and then attach to that religion.  Next we view that attachment as part of our false self identity.

 

It is not the decision to choose a religion that creates the false self identity.  It is the choice to create an attachment that creates the false self identity.

 

Like other attachments, false self feels it is being threatened when anyone questions the object of the attachment.  In this case, when false self is questioned about its religious beliefs it feels the need to defend or attack the source of the question.

 

When we think about this last statement it explains the source of most of the conflict in the world for most of known history.  One group is threatened because another group either questions or will not accept their religious beliefs.  The attachment to those beliefs causes them to attack those who don’t share the same belief.  And on it goes.

 

You are not your age.  Another common attachment is to our age.  This one is a combination of attachment to our body and attachment to our thoughts.

 

We have preconceived ideas of how we are supposed to behave, look, and feel when we are certain ages.  We turn those preconceived ideas into attachments.  Those attachments become a part of our false self identity and we become trapped by our preconceived ideas of what being a certain age means.

 

You are not who people tell you to be.  All of our lives we are told by the people around us who or what we should be.  Our parents tell us to be a doctor, lawyer, etc.  Our siblings tell us who we should be.  Our spouse tells us who we should be.  Our co-workers tell us who we should be.  After we receive all this input is it any wonder we have no idea who we are?

 

Along the way we attempt to be what other people tell us we should be.  Sometime we do this to make them happy.  Last month we learned that we can never make someone happy.  After awhile many of us quit trying to be what others tell us to be.

 

However, many times we do not release the attachments that we developed while we were trying to be what others wanted us to be.  Please review what others have told you to be and see if that is who you really want to be.  Don’t worry; you won’t lose anything except your false identity.

 

You are not your child or spouse.  Many of us develop a false sense of identity from our attachments to our spouse or children.  This can come out in many different ways.  Let’s take a look at two examples.

 

We all know about parents who get overly involved in the sport activities of their children.  We have all heard of or witnessed parents who behave very aggressively towards coaches or referees who “are not treating their child properly”.

 

All that is happening here is that the parent is so attached to the behavior of the child that they view the child as themselves.  Their false self perceives anything that happens to the child as happening to itself and must defend or attack any hurt to the child as if false self were being hurt.

 

We have all heard of or experienced someone who will not let their spouse say or do something “because it embarrasses me.”  This behavior comes from an attachment to the spouse where the spouse’s behavior is viewed as part of the false self identity.  Just like the previous example, the false self identity is defending itself from a perceived injury.

 

You are not your job.  Finally, we are not our job.  How many of us have created a false self identity surrounding our job.  I am truck driver so I must do the following things.  I am a doctor so I must have a certain type of house or car.

 

Hopefully after all these examples we are starting to see through some of these false self identities.  A doctor can have any car or house that that fits the way they want to live.  A truck driver can behave in many ways that their fellow truck drivers might not understand.

 

Our job is just what we are doing right now.  For some of us it may be part of what our true self wants to accomplish during this lifetime.  For most of us it is what we are doing to make money.  Either way, it is not part of our identity.  It is just what we do with our time.

 

If we really are accomplishing goals determined by true self and lost our job, true self would not care.  We know that we can find another way to accomplish those goals.  We know that by losing one job we might very well find a better way to accomplish those goals.

 

That’s all for today.  Please start to look at your false self identity and begin to see how living in that false identity has been painful.  There is no reason to live an unhappy life.  Please choose to live a happy life.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

Talk to us!  Post a comment or a question!

 

Subscribe

 

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Email

You can email us directly at:  noahnow@yahoo.com

 

Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

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Understanding the False Self Identity – part 1

August 20, 2008

Housekeeping

My apologies that yesterdays post went out late.  When I uploaded the post I filed it as a draft.  I should have published it.  I will endeavor to publish correctly in the future.  Also, I am still resolving the issue with the daily update emails that shows each paragraph as one long line.  I will keep looking into that issue until I get it resolved.

 

Today we are going to start to look at how false self develops its identity.  Are you ready?  Here we go!

 

False Self Should Not Have an Identity

As we have discussed this idea of false self, we have gotten a feeling for the nature of the false self.  In our discussion on the origin of false self we talked about how we are supposed to train our false self to listen to true self.  False self is designed to be the physical interface for true self and nothing more.

 

Because we do not train false self properly it begins to take on an identity from its surroundings.  By the time it is about age seven it has developed a very clearly defined idea of who it thinks it is supposed to be.  It is also very attached to that self created identity.

 

Unless we learn to see through this false self identity as we grow older we continue to accept the identity and the attachments.  As we grow older we continue to add items to that identity.  Because we have not learned better, we also continue to create attachments to the new additions to our identity.  Of itself, the identity is not that much of a problem.  The real problem is the attachments.  Without the attachments the false self identity gradually fades away.  In fact that is how we eventually rid ourselves of it – we let go of the attachments.

 

None of this should happen.  False self should be trained to look to true self for identity.  Some of us start to look for a better way because our false self identity has finally become so painful that we cannot live in it any longer.  During the next few days we will look at how to identify the false self identity and gradually ease our pain and unhappiness.

 

How False Self Constructs Its Identity

When we talked about how fear comes from false self, we also mentioned how false self begins to develop it false identity.  As a young and improperly trained mind false self creates attachments to the items it finds around it.  It attaches to its body, its thoughts and the people around it.  It begins to weave these attachments into the beginning of its false identity.

 

As it grows older it begins to find other external things that it can weave into its false identity.  It might pick a political party to identify with.  It might pick a religion or ethnic group to identify with.  It might view its job as a part of its identity.  Pick an external situation or object and some false self probably views it as part of its identity.

 

Elsewhere on this site we have heard about how false self views any challenge to its attachments as a challenge to itself.  Think about this for a minute.  If false self thinks that it really is all these situations to which it is attached, then it has no choice but to defend itself when those situations or attachments are questioned.

 

By questioning the situations or attachments you are questioning the identity of false self.  It thinks that it has to defend or even attack when questioned or else it will lose its identity.  It does not see that the identity is based on improper understanding.  All it knows is that it is being questioned and must defend or attack.

 

This is the source of the pain that comes when we live within this false self identity.  We are always defending or attacking in order to protect our false identity.  After awhile this becomes wearisome and many of us seek a better way to live.

 

A Few Things You Are Not

False self probably has hundreds of external situations that it thinks collectively create its identity.  I would be writing for years if I tried to list them all.  Instead we will start with a few today and continue the list tomorrow.

 

You are not our body.  True self knows that this body is only temporary and will exist only for the current lifetime.  False self is encouraged by those around it to view its body as an integral part of its identity.  Any injury to the body becomes an injury to false self which causes continuous pain and suffering.

 

You are not your opinions.  False self is constantly looking for something to help create its false identity.  Thoughts are very handy because they are always close at hand.  False self creates opinions on everything and then attaches to those opinions.  False self takes those attachments and adds them to the false identity.

 

You are not your possessions.  False self takes anything close at hand and attaches to it and then adds those attachments to its false identity.  Possessions are always nearby so they are easily added to the false self.  Like any other attachment false self sees loss of or damage to a possession as damage to itself.  Once again we see another continuous source of pain caused by false self.

 

You are not your clothes.  This is a variation on the idea of you are not your possessions.  I will mention it because many of us acquire clothes for the purpose of creating an “image”.  That “image” usually originates from false self looking to create or project its false identity.  We become unhappy if we do not have the right clothes to project this “image”.  We also become unhappy if this “image” does not make us happy.  That is a bit of circular logic, but false self does not care about logic.  It just goes and acquires some new clothes which it will use to project its “new image”.  And of course it will become unhappy with this “new image” and will have to create another “new image”.  And on it goes until we become tired of the pain.

 

That’s it for today.  Tomorrow we will look at more things that false thinks we are and true self knows we are not.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

Talk to us!  Post a comment or a question!

 

Subscribe

 

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Email

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Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

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How True Self Uses Possessions

August 19, 2008

How True Self Uses Possessions

 

Recap

Yesterday we looked at how false self attaches itself to possessions.  We heard about the way false self feels hurt when one of our possessions is damaged.  We also started to get a feeling for the idea that we should view possessions as tools that we use while we are learning and growing.

 

Today we will take a closer look at how true self uses possessions.  Are you ready?  Let’s go!

 

True Self for Our Learning

We have seen how false self wants to attach to many things, especially possessions.  True self is happy and self contained.  When we are being our true self we realize that objects and possessions are temporary.  They come into our lives when we need them and we should not get upset when they leave our lives.

 

True self views all objects as tools which it needs to do its job.  What is that job?  As we have stated many times on this site – we exist to learn and grow and share that learning and growth with each other.  So the job of our true self is to continue to learn and grow.

 

True self evaluates all objects and possessions in the light of what it needs to learn and grow.  When an object is no longer needed for our learning true self does not care if it leaves our life – true self just allows that object to leave.  We will not hang on to the object because of attachment.  We will maintain possession only if we anticipate needing that object.

 

True self does not care if an unneeded object leaves our possession.  True self views this as one less thing we have to look after.  True self also knows that if an object leaves our possession and we need it again – then we will acquire it again.

 

At first this might seem like a lot of work.  First we acquire something and then we let it go.  Then we acquire it again.  However, once the object has ceased to be useful, how can we know if we are going to ever need it again?  I view that the work required to maintain the object “just in case” is usually far more work than letting it go and then getting it back again.  If we let it go and then get it back we might get a better one back or one that is more suited for the task.

 

Also, the fewer possessions we have the more simple our life becomes.  The more simple our life becomes the more time we have to concentrate on our real job of learning and sharing that learning.

 

True Self and Status Symbols

Status symbols are just another way to describe attachments.  A status symbol is supposed to convey a certain image about the person who possesses the status symbol.  False self is concerned about identity so it seeks status symbols and other methods of conspicuous consumption.  We will discuss false self and identity later this week.  For now, let’s just accept that anytime we seek to purchase a status symbol we are acting from false self.

 

True self can purchase a status symbol and not do so from an attachment.  Let’s take a look at the example of buying a watch.  True self realizes that we need a watch in order to keep track of time.  It is important that when we make a commitment to be somewhere on time that we honor that commitment.

 

So we need a watch – which one should we buy?  If we look at simple functionality an inexpensive watch could be all that we need.  However, an inexpensive watch may not be durable enough.  True self recognizes that we will need to keep track of time for the rest of our lifetime.  Now we consider a more expensive and more durable watch.

 

Next, true self looks at the social situations that it will be in while wearing the watch.  If we will be in very formal situations then we will need a watch that is appropriate for those situations.  That would mean we now need a durable and handsomely decorated watch.

 

True self is also able to afford an upscale watch without financial hardship.  We have now worked ourselves into the territory of some watches that many people would consider as status symbols.  However, true self is viewing this in a pragmatic manner.  We need a watch.  The correct watch for our needs is considered a status symbol.  True self does not care about status symbols – it only cares about acquiring the correct watch.  If the correct watch had been a $10 throw away watch, that is what true self would have acquired, even if we could have afforded a $100 watch.

 

It is all about acquiring the correct tool for the job.  That is all true self cares about.  It has much more important things to be doing than caring about a bunch of attachments to physical objects.

 

We Do Not Have to Renounce Possessions

Many spiritual and religious disciplines teach that we should renounce or severely limit our physical possessions.  I do not see it that way.

 

My viewpoint is that we need to renounce our attachments to physical possessions and material things.  There is a big difference between renouncing having the objects and renouncing the attachments to the objects.

 

When we renounce possessing physical objects we do not address the underlying attachments.  We may renounce possessions except for just those few things we perceive that we need to live our life.  Two things happen because of this.

 

First, we may pass up some very important learning opportunities because we have renounced possessions.  If those learning opportunities require us to acquire some possessions then we will not be able to learn those lessons.

 

Second, we can still become very attached to the few objects remaining in our life.  Renouncing possessions has not worked because we still have false self attachments.

 

To me, the better approach is to learn to approach possessions and physical objects as true self.  We renounce our attachments, but recognize the importance that possessions and objects can have on the lessons we choose to learn.

 

Because we are not attached to the objects we do not care as the objects enter and leave our lives.  We are concentrating on our learning and the appropriate objects are always there.  Part of that learning is to know when and how to acquire the appropriate objects.

 

Well, that is all for today.  We will see you again tomorrow when we will start to take a look at some of the facets of false self identity.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

Talk to us!  Post a comment or a question!

 

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False Self Wants Life to be Fair

August 14, 2008

Distribution Update

It looks like we might have email distribution of the daily post working properly again.  I confess that I might have accidentally turned it off.  I definitely did change the format without realizing that I had done so.

 

I write the blog a day or two before it is posted.  Therefore the updates on the distribution may be slightly out of date.  On Wednesday morning I received the email containing that day’s post.  However it was in a “teaser” form.  I had unknowingly changed the distribution to be in this format.  I have since changed that back and hopefully today’s email distribution will be of the entire post.

 

If you missed any posts during the email distribution outage please go back and read those posts.  The discussion regarding true self/false self builds on the information from previous posts.  By not reading the other posts you might miss part of the entire explanation.

 

Sign up!  For a few days FeedBurner was not accepting new emails subscriptions.  If you were unable to sign up recently please click here to subscribe to the daily post.

 

Finally – there may still be a problem with the RSS feed being updated.  Right now the RSS feed seems to be about a week out of date and I cannot find a way to force it to update.  I am asking anyone else who is having any problems with the RSS feed to contact me so that I can research them.

 

Enough of that.  Let’s go to today’s post!

 

Life Isn’t Fair

I know – we all heard that as kids.  Did we agree with this idea then?  Do we agree with it now?

 

We have probably never agreed with the idea that life isn’t fair.  Why?  Where do we get the idea that life should be fair?

 

Hhmmm…  We have been talking about false self for almost two weeks.  Could it be that false self wants life to be fair?

 

We have talked about false self being the source of our unhappiness.  Doesn’t some form of unhappiness usually precede our insistence that life should be fair?  It would be a good guess that false self wants life to be fair.  But why?

 

When Life is Fair it is Easy

Remember that false self is composed mainly of fears and attachments.  It does not really like to think hard about things.  It wants things to be simple and readily apparent.  In our post about life being a journey we looked at the idea that false self wants life to be a formula.  A formula is easy to understand and follow.

 

In much the same way false self wants life to be fair.  It thinks that there is a formula that will bring fairness.  For example, “if I am fair to people then they should be fair to me.”  Another example would be “if I do a good job at work then I will keep my job and get raises.”

 

When false self follows some formula that it thinks will bring about fairness it is always disappointed.   It does a good job but loses its job anyway.  It is “fair” to other people but perceives that other people are not fair to it.  Then it takes these upsets personally and the downward spiral of happiness continues.

 

So if life is not fair, what is it?

 

Life Is What It Is

At first glance this seems to be either a flippant or simplistic answer.  Maybe it is both.  However, let’s take a look at it and attempt to understand it.

 

We will start with our post about why we exist.  I will summarize that post but it would be helpful if you read the entire post.

 

The reason that we exist is to learn and grow and then to share that learning and growth with those around us.

 

Believe it or not, that is all there is to life.  We touch upon that idea in greater detail in other posts on this blog so we will not spend much time on it right now.  When we start at the beginning many things become much easier to understand.

 

OK – so what does that have to do with “life is what it is?”

 

I was just getting to that.  If our main purpose in life is to learn, then if we live strictly by a formula then we drastically limit our opportunities to learn.  What do we learn if we perform tasks A, B, and C and always get result D?

 

If life is fair then all we have to do is be fair to other people and they will be fair to us.  This takes all the learning out because we think we know what it means to be fair.  “You don’t have to tell me what fair is, I already know that.”  Does that sound familiar?  That does not sound like a very open minded person, does it?

 

How can we learn when we are not open minded? We can’t.  When we are living life in a close minded way we are attempting to prove the truth of what we think we already know.  Once again, where is the new learning in that?

When we start to throw fears, attachments, self validation, and all those other marvelous characteristics of the false self into the mix, we see how we are closing off our learning opportunities.  We are trying to make life what we want it to be, and that never brings happiness.

 

It is far more satisfying to allow life to be what it is, approach it with the open mindedness of true self, and learn from the experience.  Our true self knows that life is whatever it is.  We know that true self wants to learn from whatever happens in life and therefore does not attempt to make it “fair” or otherwise fit into a formula.

 

When we recognize false self wanting life to be fair we must remember that once again we are true self observing the behavior of false self.  Tell false self that life isn’t fair – it is what it is.  Tell false self that true self knows what to do with this nebulous understanding of life.  Eventually false self will quiet down and start to trust true self.  Now we are on the path to finding our true happiness.

 

That’s all for today!  Please stop banging your head against the wall by trying to make life into something it cannot be.  As always, I want you to become at peace with yourself much sooner than I did.

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

Talk to us!  Post a comment or a question!

 

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Don’t miss any updates.  Get daily posts by email.  Subscribe to this blog by clicking here: SUBSCRIBE

 

This email list is maintained by Feedburner, a subsidiary of Google.  I hate to receive spam and advertisements in my email.  I will never sell your email address for such purposes.

 

Email

You can email us directly at:  noahnow@yahoo.com

 

Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

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Recognizing Our True Self – Releasing Attachments

August 8, 2008

Housekeeping

We start today with a bit of housekeeping.  For our readers who subscribe by email – you may not have received yesterday’s post.  Our subscription service has been doing some maintenance and the post might have slipped through the cracks.  If you missed yesterday’s post please click here.  Today’s post is based on what was said yesterday.

 

Thankful Friday

Our custom is to take a minute each Friday to thank those around us.  Today we would like to thank Oprah Winfrey for the work she is doing.  Her extended webcast discussion with Eckhart Tolle about his book “A New Earth” has been helpful to many individuals.  You can also obtain podcast versions of this webcast series and many of her XM Radio broadcasts on ITunes.  We have no financial or other relationship with Oprah Winfrey or Eckhart Tolle.  We only want to thank them for their work.

 

Next we would like to thank our readers who take the time from their busy days to read these posts.  We hope what we are saying is helping you to live a happier life.  Please let us know what else we can do to help you achieve your goal of that happier life.

 

Finally we would like to thank WordPress and FeedBurner for providing the free services that make this site possible.  Thanks!

 

Recap

Yesterday we looked at the false self and its attachments.  We talked about a few common attachments and got a feeling for how unhappy we become when we live a life controlled by those attachments.

 

We ended the post by recognizing that we have all asked ourselves at one time or another “Isn’t there a better way?”  The idea I was attempting to raise was that we have all looked at out lives and recognized our unhappiness.  We have all said there must be a way to be more happy.

 

There is.  Let’s go find it!

 

True Self Sees Through the Attachments

One of the points that I am attempting to convey on this site is that we have never been totally disconnected from our true self.  It has always been there giving us guidance.  We have not listened to it for a variety of reasons, but it has always been there.

 

One of the best ways to recognize that the true self has been attempting to guide our life is when we step back and ask the question “Isn’t there a better way?”  Remember, true self is the observer.  When we ask this kind of a question we are asking it from the perspective of true self.  True self is observing our life and our attachments and is attempting to tell false self that there is a better way.  The problem comes with the answers to the question.

 

A Tangle of Interlocking Attachments

When we ask a question like “Isn’t there a better way?” we always get an answer.  That answer may be drowned out by the false self chatter, it may be an answer that we do not like, and it may be an answer that we cannot yet understand.  However, we always get an answer.

 

Let’s take a look at an example of a question that most of us have asked at one time or another about a relationship which we were in when we asked the question.  The relationship has become unhappy and we ask “Isn’t there a better way?”  The question we actually asked was probably a bit different, but the spirit was the same.  We wanted to find a way back to happiness.

 

Let’s take an answer to that question and look at some of the possible interlocking attachments that might have kept us from either accepting the answer or doing anything about making a choice for happiness.

 

So we ask our question and we get the answer that we need to end our relationship with this person and move on with our life.  True self has recognized that this relationship will not bring us happiness.  Now false self has to sort through its attachments to determine if it wants to end the relationship.  That sounds silly, but that is what happens.

 

A few common attachments that false self may have are things like “What will people think?”, “Where will I find someone else?”, “This person provides my security, how will I replace that?”  Does anyone see a pattern in these questions?  Raise your hand if you do.

 

That is correct.  All these questions have to do with some external situation.  Caring about what other people will think has become more important than finding our happiness.  Finding someone else implies that we are unable to exist without a close personal relationship.  For us to be “whole” we need someone else.  Clinging to someone because they provide security is saying that we do not have the power or ability to provide our own security.

 

Each of these attachments is looking to some external situation for something which can only be found inside.  True self provides our security.  True self does not need anyone else to be whole; it is already whole, thank you very much.  True self does not care what people think.

 

True self knows that other true selves will be supportive of its actions.  Someone else’s false self may castigate us for breaking up a relationship, but their true self will recognize that we are choosing for our happiness.  Who do we want to listen to, their supportive true self or their judgmental false self?

 

Learning to See the Attachments

In this example I am not trying to say that real life is not more complicated than the few attachments we have looked at.  However, this is entirely representative of actual situations.  In fact here are many more attachments that we deal with when we have to break up a relationship.  If there were only these three then breaking up would be easy to do.

 

The point here is that we need to start to see the attachments.  Not just when we ask true self for guidance regarding a relationship, but any time we recognize that we are unhappy.  Remember, as soon as we see that we are unhappy we have begun observing from true self.  The answers will be associated with pursuing our happiness and releasing attachments.  Please learn to at least hear the answers, even if you cannot yet do anything with the answers by releasing the attachments.  Eventually you will be able to utilize them, so for now at least listen to them.

 

Once again, this is a skill that will take a bit of time to master.  It starts with recognizing this pattern:

 

  1. Without recognizing it we get caught in an attachment.
  2. We become unhappy.
  3. We recognize that we are unhappy.
  4. We realize that when we recognize that we are unhappy we have become the observer.  Once we have become the observer our perspective is that of true self.
  5. True self will always have answers that will resolve our unhappiness.  We need to listen to those answers because they will tell us to release some of our attachments.
  6. If we cannot yet do anything with those answers, we need to at least acknowledge that they exist.
  7. Practice, practice, practice.

 

That is all for today, and this week.  Please learn to recognize that voice of true self that is telling you to let go of your attachments.  I want you to find your happiness sooner than I found mine.

 

Have a great weekend!

 

Until next week –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

Talk to us!  Post a comment or a question!

 

Subscribe

 

Don’t miss any updates.  Get daily posts by email.  Subscribe to this blog by clicking here: SUBSCRIBE

 

This email list is maintained by Feedburner, a subsidiary of Google.  I hate to receive spam and advertisements in my email.  I will never sell your email address for such purposes.

 

Email

You can email us directly at:  noahnow@yahoo.com

 

Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

noahnow@yahoo.com