Judgments Are Attachments

October 1, 2008

Today, at my Tuesday morning discussion group one of the participants made the statement “judgments are attachments.”  I had not heard it put this way before, but it made sense to me.  Here is how I see that judgments and attachments are related.

 

Quick review

We have talked many times on this site about false self attachments.  We have even talked about judgments.  Let’s do a quick review.

 

The false self identity is based in fear.  False self knows that it is not supposed to be making the decisions and becomes quite fearful.  False self then creates attachments to mask those fears.  Those attachments can be to anything imaginable.  The most common attachments are to false self’s own thoughts, the people around false self, and false self’s possessions.

 

False self fiercely defends its attachments.  Because it views the attachments as part of itself, false self attacks any threat to it’s attachments as if it were an attack on itself.

 

On September 4 we looked at the concept of judgment.  A review of that post would be helpful to understand today’s post.  We will use similar concepts today but will make a different explanation.

 

What is judgment?

As we illustrated on September 4, judgment is a false self defense mechanism.  If false self can attack someone for being different from it then it does not have to look at itself.  False self says that the other person/idea/situation is different than what it is.  Therefore we must by right and they must be wrong.

 

Judgment means that false self does not have to look at the fact that it might be wrong.  False self does not want to look to see if it is wrong.  It is afraid that if it is wrong then there is something wrong with it.  False self does not want to look at anything that might suggest that it is anything less than perfect.

 

By using judgment as the pre-emptive attack on an objective look at itself false self becomes extremely annoying.  Have you ever noticed this about judgmental people?  They were extremely annoying.  Yet you probably did not understand why.

 

Here is the reason.  A judgmental person is actually going around and telling everyone “I am right and you are wrong.”  This behavior irritates everyone who comes in contact with this judgmental person.  By everyone I mean everyone – whether they are coming from their false self or their true self.

 

The annoying judgmental person

When a judgmental person and their “I am right” behavior comes into contact with another false self the other false self usually reacts.  The other false self says to the judgmental person “You are attacking me because you are saying I am wrong.”

 

This false self must now defend itself.  What do you think it says to the judgmental person?  It says “No – I am right and you are wrong.”  I can see how this could develop into a very stimulating and interesting conversation.

 

The judgmental person also irritates someone who is coming from their true self.  True self does not get mad, but it gets frustrated.  True self realizes that as long as a false self is saying “I am right and you are wrong” it will not listen to the person who is coming from their true self.

 

The judgmental person has already decided what was right and what was wrong.  They are not interested in the facts that might show false self to be wrong.  Someone coming from their true self is sad and frustrated with this type of situation.  They know that the judgmental person is hurting themselves by not being open minded and attempting to understand the true situation.

 

True self is sad about the hurt the judgmental person is inflicting on themselves.  True self is also frustrated that they cannot get through to the other person to help them see that they are hurting themselves.  True self sits back and watches the situation.  Should an opening come true self will try again to help the other person to see for themself that they are indeed hurting themselves.

 

Summary

In summary, judgments grow out of our attachments.  They become a protective mechanism to reinforce false self behavior.  They keep false self from having to look at its shortcomings.

 

Judgmental people are very annoying because they are saying that they are right and that everyone else is wrong.  By recognizing when we are being judgmental we can become much more pleasant to be around.  We can also use our judgments to start to look at the attachments that caused the judgments.

 

That is all for today.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

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© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

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False Self Wants Life to be Fair

August 14, 2008

Distribution Update

It looks like we might have email distribution of the daily post working properly again.  I confess that I might have accidentally turned it off.  I definitely did change the format without realizing that I had done so.

 

I write the blog a day or two before it is posted.  Therefore the updates on the distribution may be slightly out of date.  On Wednesday morning I received the email containing that day’s post.  However it was in a “teaser” form.  I had unknowingly changed the distribution to be in this format.  I have since changed that back and hopefully today’s email distribution will be of the entire post.

 

If you missed any posts during the email distribution outage please go back and read those posts.  The discussion regarding true self/false self builds on the information from previous posts.  By not reading the other posts you might miss part of the entire explanation.

 

Sign up!  For a few days FeedBurner was not accepting new emails subscriptions.  If you were unable to sign up recently please click here to subscribe to the daily post.

 

Finally – there may still be a problem with the RSS feed being updated.  Right now the RSS feed seems to be about a week out of date and I cannot find a way to force it to update.  I am asking anyone else who is having any problems with the RSS feed to contact me so that I can research them.

 

Enough of that.  Let’s go to today’s post!

 

Life Isn’t Fair

I know – we all heard that as kids.  Did we agree with this idea then?  Do we agree with it now?

 

We have probably never agreed with the idea that life isn’t fair.  Why?  Where do we get the idea that life should be fair?

 

Hhmmm…  We have been talking about false self for almost two weeks.  Could it be that false self wants life to be fair?

 

We have talked about false self being the source of our unhappiness.  Doesn’t some form of unhappiness usually precede our insistence that life should be fair?  It would be a good guess that false self wants life to be fair.  But why?

 

When Life is Fair it is Easy

Remember that false self is composed mainly of fears and attachments.  It does not really like to think hard about things.  It wants things to be simple and readily apparent.  In our post about life being a journey we looked at the idea that false self wants life to be a formula.  A formula is easy to understand and follow.

 

In much the same way false self wants life to be fair.  It thinks that there is a formula that will bring fairness.  For example, “if I am fair to people then they should be fair to me.”  Another example would be “if I do a good job at work then I will keep my job and get raises.”

 

When false self follows some formula that it thinks will bring about fairness it is always disappointed.   It does a good job but loses its job anyway.  It is “fair” to other people but perceives that other people are not fair to it.  Then it takes these upsets personally and the downward spiral of happiness continues.

 

So if life is not fair, what is it?

 

Life Is What It Is

At first glance this seems to be either a flippant or simplistic answer.  Maybe it is both.  However, let’s take a look at it and attempt to understand it.

 

We will start with our post about why we exist.  I will summarize that post but it would be helpful if you read the entire post.

 

The reason that we exist is to learn and grow and then to share that learning and growth with those around us.

 

Believe it or not, that is all there is to life.  We touch upon that idea in greater detail in other posts on this blog so we will not spend much time on it right now.  When we start at the beginning many things become much easier to understand.

 

OK – so what does that have to do with “life is what it is?”

 

I was just getting to that.  If our main purpose in life is to learn, then if we live strictly by a formula then we drastically limit our opportunities to learn.  What do we learn if we perform tasks A, B, and C and always get result D?

 

If life is fair then all we have to do is be fair to other people and they will be fair to us.  This takes all the learning out because we think we know what it means to be fair.  “You don’t have to tell me what fair is, I already know that.”  Does that sound familiar?  That does not sound like a very open minded person, does it?

 

How can we learn when we are not open minded? We can’t.  When we are living life in a close minded way we are attempting to prove the truth of what we think we already know.  Once again, where is the new learning in that?

When we start to throw fears, attachments, self validation, and all those other marvelous characteristics of the false self into the mix, we see how we are closing off our learning opportunities.  We are trying to make life what we want it to be, and that never brings happiness.

 

It is far more satisfying to allow life to be what it is, approach it with the open mindedness of true self, and learn from the experience.  Our true self knows that life is whatever it is.  We know that true self wants to learn from whatever happens in life and therefore does not attempt to make it “fair” or otherwise fit into a formula.

 

When we recognize false self wanting life to be fair we must remember that once again we are true self observing the behavior of false self.  Tell false self that life isn’t fair – it is what it is.  Tell false self that true self knows what to do with this nebulous understanding of life.  Eventually false self will quiet down and start to trust true self.  Now we are on the path to finding our true happiness.

 

That’s all for today!  Please stop banging your head against the wall by trying to make life into something it cannot be.  As always, I want you to become at peace with yourself much sooner than I did.

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

Talk to us!  Post a comment or a question!

 

Subscribe

 

Don’t miss any updates.  Get daily posts by email.  Subscribe to this blog by clicking here: SUBSCRIBE

 

This email list is maintained by Feedburner, a subsidiary of Google.  I hate to receive spam and advertisements in my email.  I will never sell your email address for such purposes.

 

Email

You can email us directly at:  noahnow@yahoo.com

 

Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

noahnow@yahoo.com