Seeing Through Illusions – I Am Not Responsible

October 8, 2008

We have not looked at any illusions in awhile.  Today we will look at an illusion that keeps many of us from taking complete control of our lives.  When we think things are out of our control then we think we are not responsible.

 

Housekeeping

Yesterday’s post was about an idea that I read on another site during last weekend.  At the time I was not able to make proper attribution to the original site.  If I had read my email before I wrote that post, I would have found a note from the owner of that site.  The correct site is Nerdy Renegade News.  Please click the link and go to the post for October 3 to read the original post that I wrote about yesterday.  Sorry Lisa.

 

I am not responsible

How many times have we heard this idea?  This is an illusion and it is a deeply embedded false self behavior.  Let’s look first at why false self wants to cling to this illusion.

 

As we have repeated numerous times on this site – false self does not want to take a look at the possibility it might be wrong.  Because of this, false self attempts to take responsibility for as little as possible.

 

One of the best (and frequently humorous) ways to tell that someone is engaged in false self behavior is when they refuse to take responsibility.  This can be for something that is clearly their responsibility or something that is only marginally their responsibility.  The bottom line is that when they refuse to take responsibility they are in denial.  Being in denial is actually proof that there is a problem that needs to be looked at.

 

True self seeks to take responsibility

Believe it or not, true self actually seeks to take responsibility.  There are several reasons for this.  The first is that true self knows that we must be truthful with those around us.  When we are actually responsible for something then we must acknowledge that responsibility.

 

This acknowledgement can be either private or public.  We must always make the private acknowledgement.  This will keep us from being in denial.  If a public acknowledgement is appropriate then we need to do that as well.

 

This is an interesting point because a public acknowledgement is not always necessary.  When it is we must do so.  However, as we are learning to take responsibility we will sometimes take responsibility privately but have not become strong enough to take the responsibility publicly.  That is fine.  We recognize that this is where we are and gradually build our internal strength so that we are able to take public responsibility as we find the strength to do so.

 

A strange behavior

There is an interesting offshoot of this idea that is a variation on false self illusionary behavior.  This is when we take public responsibility for something because we are “expected” to do so.  We do not take private responsibility because we do not think we are responsible.

 

True self most likely would not take public responsibility for something for which we were not responsible.  It might happen, but we would clearly understand the situation.  This behavior is usually just an extension of false self wanting to be in denial.  We say we are responsible to “get along” while internally we are busy justifying our behavior to ourself.

 

Here is how we can tell the difference between true self and false self as it relates to this behavior.  True self accepts the situation and recognizes that taking public responsibility is best for all concerned.  False self wants to deny its responsibility to itself so it takes public responsibility but justifies to itself that it really is not responsible.

 

True self wants to learn

Another reason that true self wants to take responsibility when necessary is that we want to learn.  Remember all the times we have said that the reason that we exist is to learn and grow and share that learning and growth with each other?

 

If you think about it, when we refuse to take responsibility in a situation where we are clearly responsible we are not accepting that situation.  All situations are here for us to learn from them.  When we do not accept the situation for what it truly is we cannot learn from it.

 

This is why so many of us repeat the same painful situations.  We do something and we are responsible for the outcome of that behavior.  We choose to go into denial and not take responsibility for our behavior.  We do not learn what we should have learned because we did not think we were responsible for the outcome.

 

The next time the situation comes up we act the same way.  We get the same unhappy results.  Once again we think we are not responsible and continue our denial.  We also continue to block any chance we will learn from our actions.  The pattern repeats until we are in so much pain that we finally take a look at ourself.  Or we die.

 

 

Do we want to become old and bitter?

Have you ever wondered why so many people get so bitter as they get old?  Many of them are in tremendous denial about many things and have been so for a very long time.  It is very painful to look at these things.  Instead of taking responsibility for that pain they blame everyone and everything around them for their pain.

 

Ask yourself right now – do I want to become old and bitter or do I want to become wise and happy?  The choice is yours.

 

If you want to become wise and happy one of the best ways to achieve that is to start taking responsibility right now for everything in your life.  At first it is a very scary thought, but in time we learn that it actually brings us closer to our happiness.

 

That’s all for today.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

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The Impossible Dream

September 12, 2008

Yesterday we looked at our hands as a metaphor for the internal conflict that can happen as we begin our spiritual growth.  Today we continue that metaphor and reach for the stars.  But first…

 

Thankful Friday

Our custom is to take a moment each Friday to thank those around us.  Today we thank the member of our Tuesday discussion group who has found the writings on this site to be helpful.  We hope that what is written here helps people.  This confirmation helps us to know that we are proceeding in a way that others find beneficial.

 

Next we would like to thank our new email subscribers.  We are experiencing a gradual growth in our subscriber list.  Anyone who would like to receive the daily update in their email can click here:  SUBSCRIBE

 

As always we end with thanks to WordPress and FeedBurner.  They provide the free tools that make this site possible.  Thanks!

 

The impossible dream

When I was growing up there was a Broadway show called “Man of La Mancha”.  It was made into a movie in 1972.  Unfortunately the movie was not as good as the original Broadway production, but it is what is available.

 

A few weeks ago I was watching this movie and realized that there could be a metaphor for the concepts of true self and false self contained therein.  You know these concepts – we talk about them all the time.

 

The more I watched the movie the more it seemed that Don Quixote was attempting to see through the illusions and deal with people as their true selves.  In the course of the movie he was portrayed as being crazy because he was substituting his attempt at clear sight for the illusions that those around him believed in.

 

Back in the day, one of the iconic songs from this movie was “The Impossible Dream.”  If you click on the link you will go to the lyric of the song.

 

As I listened to the song I realized that it was describing the quest upon which we embark when we seek our true happiness.  Let’s take a look at a few lyrics to illustrate this point:

 

“To fight the unbeatable foe” – is this the conflict between true self and false self?  False self wants us to believe it is dominant and that it will be in charge no matter what we do.

 

“To run where the brave dare not go” – what can be more brave than taking on our false self?  So many of the people around us just give in and accept false self.  Who are the brave few that take the risk of finding true self?

 

“To try when your arms are too weary” – those who find their true happiness are those who never give up.  No matter how tired they get they pursue their quest because they know that their true happiness depends on the outcome.

 

“That my heart will be peaceful and calm when I am laid to my rest” – to me this is obvious.  He knows that his happiness comes from the quest and that his peace and happiness are the result of that pursuit.

 

“And the world will be better for this” – he knows that those around him do not understand his quest.  He also knows that the world will be better because of his quest.  One person striving for their true happiness may inspire others.  The only choice is to persevere.

 

“The unreachable star” – life is a journey, not a destination.  We never reach a full understanding of our true self.  We reach for that star, but we never get there.  The journey is the reaching.

 

On the other hand

Ok – so what does all this have to do with yesterdays post “On the Other Hand”?  Remember how we talked about our right hand holding our new spiritual understandings?  Remember how we talked about the right hand pulling us towards our true self?

 

As I was thinking about that image I also saw the end of the movie, “Man of La Mancha.”  As the cast is singing “to reach the unreachable star” they have their hands raised over their heads.

 

The image I saw next was that we are all reaching for the unreachable star.  We all have our right hand raised above our heads and we are all being drawn forward on our quest for the impossible dream of finding our true happiness.

 

Can you see yourself doing this?  Right now, reach your right hand above your head.  See all of your dreams of true happiness in that right hand.  Now watch as your body reaches for true self.  Also notice that true self is pulling you up.

 

Now let go of what ever is in your left hand.  That is what is holding you back.  That is your unhappiness.  That is why you are getting torn.  True self is pulling you – false self is holding you back.

 

Let go and reach for that unreachable star.  You can do it.  I know you can.

 

Have a great weekend! Until Monday –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

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Email

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Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

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I Like Me – At Last

September 10, 2008

Last week at my usual Thursday afternoon discussion group we discussed an idea that I had not thought of in awhile.  This concept was a stumbling block for me for many years.  Hopefully this discussion will help you as well.

 

When we don’t like ourselves

Last Thursday we were visited by a woman who was struggling with a few personal issues.  One of the issues that she was dealing with was that she did not like herself.  This triggered my memories of the years that I struggled with the same issue.

 

I offered my perspective about this idea.  I explained that it took me many years to like myself.  Early on in my awakening my guide had explained to me how important it was to like myself.  He explained it over, and over, and over again.  To this day I marvel at his patience.

 

He explained many things that were a part of liking me.  First, until I accepted myself I would not be able to truly accept anyone else.  Next, until I accepted myself and all the “faults” that I saw I would not be able fix those faults.  Third, until I liked and accepted myself I would not find any true self confidence, only false self bluster.

 

The course of the discussion did not allow me to go into all of these details.  What I concentrated on were the ideas of how important it was to like yourself and how long it took me to learn to do so.  I mentioned that I knew I needed to learn to like myself, but that I just was not able to do so for a long time, which in itself added to the tensions.

 

Acceptance comes first

As my guide explained, the first step in liking yourself is to accept yourself just the way you are.  Do not say – “When I have more money I will like myself.”  Nor should we say “When I change this about me I will like myself.”  Take it from me, those things never happen.

 

If we wait until we have more money to like ourselves, that day never comes.  If we think a little money will cause us to like ourselves, then we think a lot of money will cause us to like ourselves even more.

 

If we think we will like ourselves only when we change something about ourselves first, then we will want to change something else before we like ourselves.  Then we will want to change something else, and we never learn to like ourselves because we keep thinking we have to change something first.

 

As we heard about in an earlier post, the idea of changing things before we can pursue our spiritual growth is an illusion.  Also, this is another example of looking for happiness in external situations.  We are saying that changing an external situation will make us happy enough to like ourselves.

 

The truth is we must find a way to accept ourselves the way we are right now.  We must acknowledge, all the warts, blemishes, and other “defects” that we see.  We do not have to like them.  We just need to accept them.  By accepting them we can start to change them.  When we do not accept them those warts and blemishes become the things that keep us from accepting ourselves as we are.

 

Start where you are

I know that this is a common theme through this post, but the idea needs to be repeated.  This aspect was very hard for me to deal with and caused me years of not liking myself.

 

For some reason I just could not accept myself the way I was.  I was very afraid of looking at and acknowledging my “faults”.  Deep inside I knew that they were there.  However, I just could not face the pain of admitting that they were there.  Unfortunately this denial caused me great additional pain over the years.

 

I kept looking for the silver bullet to change things so that I would like myself.  When I did not find the silver bullet I started looking for the magic wand.  Gradually I realized that the only silver bullet or magic wand was my unconditional acceptance of myself.

 

The technique

This took years, but I finally began – I started to look at and take responsibility for my perceived defects and flaws.  I am sure that there are more things that I need to accept about myself.  For now I am comfortable with my progress.  While learning to accept myself I learned a technique that might help you as it has helped me.

 

As always, these techniques involve self observation.  We have discussed the idea of observation in many posts on this site.  Please read a few of these posts to get a further understanding of this concept.

 

My technique for self acceptance is to observe when I am unhappy.  As we have discussed, unhappiness is a false self behavior.  When I notice that I am unhappy I ask myself why I am unhappy.  My causes for unhappiness are usually from some external situation.  Examples would be a dent in my car, not enough money, someone does not like me, etc.

 

When I find the external cause for my unhappiness I remember what happens when I point my finger.  I have three fingers pointing back at me.  This reminds me that my cause for unhappiness is internal, not external.  This cause is usually something that I do not like or have not accepted about myself.

 

Sometimes I quickly find what I am not accepting.  I put that on my list of things that I need to accept and start working on it as appropriate.

 

Sometimes I do not find it.  I recognize that I am unhappy, but I do not see the internal cause.  I note that as well.  That unhappiness will come around again and I have to be prepared for it.  Hopefully I will find the internal cause the next time.  In the long run it does not matter.  As long as I am truly open to finding the cause of the unhappiness I will eventually find it.

 

I hope that this technique will help you as it has helped me.  Please submit any questions or comments that you might have.  I would like to see how our readers use this technique for themselves.

 

That’s all for today.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

Talk to us!  Post a comment or a question!

 

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Email

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Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

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My Compass

September 5, 2008

Thankful Friday

Our custom is to start our Friday post by giving thanks to those around us who have helped us recently.  This week I would like to thank those who have spent time in the last week helping me with my work situation.  I am between jobs right now and several people have helped me with prospects for a new job.

 

I would like to thank those who have helped organize and are attending the new Tuesday study group.  These individuals are very open minded are sincerely interested in exploring new concepts.  Thanks for being open to all the new ideas I am sending your way!

 

Finally I would like to thank WordPress and FeedBurner for the free services they offer.  Those services make this site possible.  Thanks!

 

We end this week with an explanation of my compass.  Are you ready?  Let’s go!

 

My Compass

Over the years I have developed what I call a compass.  This compass helps me navigate the stormy sees of uncertainty and doubt.  This compass gives me a true north unlike any other spiritual or religious practice that I have ever found.  Ever since I began using this compass I have always been able to steer myself in the direction that brought me to greater understanding, wisdom, and happiness.

 

I hope you can find a way to use this compass to steer to your greater happiness, wisdom, and understanding.

 

It is a simple thing

Occasionally I have explained this compass and received the comment “is that all there is?”  I reply that indeed that is all there is.  It is very simple.  The compass is easy to understand.  However, there is a bit of skill that is required to accept and follow the guidance provided by the compass.

 

We will start with an explanation of the compass.  Next we will look at a few ways to apply our understanding of the compass.

 

Does anyone remember our previous discussion about the reason that we exist?

 

The reason that we exist is to learn and grow and share that learning and growth with each other.

 

The only rule is that we do not interfere with the free will of another individual.  When we interfere with the free will of another we are interfering with their ability to learn and grow in the way they choose.

 

That is all there is to life.  For thirty years I have been applying this concept to my life as if the concept were a compass.  I have yet to find a more simple and logical compass.

 

The only times that I have gotten off track were those time when I did not follow the guidance of the compass.  I assure you that those times of being off course were when I chose the guidance of false self over the guidance of the compass.

 

Reading the compass

Here is an example of how I have used this compass to keep my life on course.  Next week we will look at more examples.

 

Over the last thirty years I did not pay much attention to politics.  I had a lot of stuff on my plate.  I was also learning to apply all the spiritual guidance I was receiving.  That all changed almost eight years ago.

 

I started paying much more attention to the political situation because I noticed that there was a group of people who were attempting to intimidate through the open use of fear tactics.  I recognized this as a false self behavior and decided that I needed to watch.  Some false self behaviors are more benign than others.  I needed to watch this situation to see if it was benign.

 

Over the course of a few years I noticed that this group of people who were intimidating through fear was also doing other things that caused me to pull out my compass to take a reading.

 

When I took my reading my compass told me that this same group of people was not helping others to learn and grow.  In some very public ways they said that they were helping people learn, but when you looked carefully at their actions they were actually helping only those people who agreed with them.

 

An additional reading of the compass showed me that they were clearly and deliberately interfering with the free will of individuals, especially those who did not agree with them.  These two readings told me all I needed to know.  I could not support this group of people.

 

What to do, what to do

OK – so what do I do?  My first action was to commit to watching the situation very carefully.  I wanted to know what this group of people was doing so that I could keep myself as protected as possible.  Please understand that this is not fear based.  This group of people is interfering with the exercise of free will.  If I stay informed of what they are doing I can exercise my free will while I drive around the obstacle.  I am not afraid of exercising my free will – I just want to make sure that if at all possible I am not running into an obstacle that I could have avoided.

 

The next thing I did was to talk to anyone who would listen to me.  Without proselytizing, without personal attacks, I attempted to explain the facts as I understood them.  Even now I talk about the behavior of the individuals, not their individual character.  In talking about their character I would be attacking them from my false self.  That would not lead to my true happiness.

 

Also, I do not care if people agree with me.  If I were to care if people agreed with me that would be false self behavior.  Remember – false self wants to be seen as being correct.  False self cares a great deal if people agree with it.  False self would have wanted to create a group of people who agree with it.

 

By getting caught in either of these two false self behaviors I would have been using my compass to point me in the correct direction, but I would have strayed into the shoals.  The compass will always point us in the correct direction.  We have to learn how to read it and not steer using false self behavior.

 

That’s all for this week.  Come back on Monday and we will learn more about my compass.  Have a great weekend!

 

Until Monday –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

Talk to us!  Post a comment or a question!

 

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This email list is maintained by Feedburner, a subsidiary of Google.  I hate to receive spam and advertisements in my email.  I will never sell your email address for such purposes.

 

Email

You can email us directly at:  noahnow@yahoo.com

 

Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

noahnow@yahoo.com

 


False Self is an “It”

August 29, 2008

Thankful Friday

Our regular readers will remember that every Friday we start our post by expressing our gratitude to those around us.  This week I want to thank several of our readers for their feedback and suggestions about ideas they want to explore.  Thanks for the feedback and please keep it coming.

 

We also had a few email exchanges this week that were very thoughtful.  I appreciate all of our readers who took the time to write me this week.  Now, if we could only get these dialogs moved to comments on the blog where everyone can participate and benefit…

 

Our final thank you for the week goes to our new readers.  The number of hits on the site went up this week as did our email subscriber count.  As always we close with our appreciation to WordPress and FeedBurner for providing the free services that make this possible.

 

Housekeeping

Monday, September 1st is the Labor Day holiday in the United States.  I will be taking the day off.  The next post will be Tuesday, September 2nd.  Have a great weekend.

 

False self is an “it”

As you have been reading this blog over the last few weeks we have discussed the concepts of true self and false self at great length.  If you look carefully, I have always referred to false self as “it”.  Today I will discuss the reasons why I use this type of reference.

 

We identify with false self easily

One of the aspects of false self that was discussed several times recently is the idea that it is created for each lifetime.  Every time we reincarnate we create a new false self.  Our true self is the source of all of our knowledge and learning.  Why should we treat false self as a part of ourselves?

 

False self is temporary.  False self is just a physical tool which we use for a lifetime.  We do not take any of our possessions with us when we die.  Why should we take our false self?

 

We have repeated many times that all of our unhappiness, fears, possessiveness, anger, etc. come from false self.  Why would true self want to take that with us after we complete the lifetime?

 

Over the last few weeks we have looked extensively at the reasons why we are so attached to our false self identity.  For all those reasons and many more I always attempt to portray false self as something that is external to false self.  I always attempt to take away any identification with false self.

 

False self is external to true self.  False self is not “me”.  False self is not “us”.  False self is an “it”.  That “it” is not part of us, true self.

 

View false self as external

There are some religious and spiritual teachings and practices that do not make this clear distinction about false self.  If there is one thing that I hope to get across in the body of my writing it is this:

 

False self is not part of me – true self.  False self is merely an external tool that true self uses during a single lifetime.  The more I view false self as external to me the easier I recognize my true self.

 

It is so easy to think that false self is a part of true self.  We have spent several weeks looking at the reasons for this.  Everyone else around us views false self as their identity.  It is very difficult not to do the same.

 

The bottom line is our happiness.  I have learned that there is nothing more important in this world right now than for all of us to find and understand their true happiness.  We began our entire month of discussions on this subject by showing that happiness comes from true self.

 

The vast majority of the world is looking for their happiness from and within their false self.  We have mentioned numerous times that happiness comes internally from true self.  If false self is external to true self, how are we ever going to find happiness through false self?

 

Once again, the more that we can view false self as something which we created this lifetime, the more we will be able to view it as external to true self.  The more we can see that the unhappiness, anger, violence, and fears as part of the false self identity the easier it will be to externalize false self.

 

Have a great weekend

That is all for today, this week, and this month.  Once again, we will not be posting on Monday.  Our next post will be Tuesday, September 2nd.

 

Have a great weekend!

 

Until Tuesday –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

Talk to us!  Post a comment or a question!

 

Subscribe

 

Don’t miss any updates.  Get daily posts by email.  Subscribe to this blog by clicking here: SUBSCRIBE

 

This email list is maintained by Feedburner, a subsidiary of Google.  I hate to receive spam and advertisements in my email.  I will never sell your email address for such purposes.

 

Email

You can email us directly at:  noahnow@yahoo.com

 

Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

noahnow@yahoo.com


Learning to Be In the Moment

August 26, 2008

In the last few days one of our readers asked me to talk a bit more about being in the moment.  They wanted some suggestions about how to be in the moment.  So here is that explanation.  Let’s go!

 

True self is always in the moment

In the last few weeks we have discussed at length the ideas of true self and false self.  The link to being in the moment is whether or not we are acting from true self or accepting the unhappiness of false self.

 

When we are operating from true self we are in the moment.  You might ask “how will I know when that happens?”  Here are a few ways to recognize that you are in the moment.

 

The most important way to recognize that you are in the moment is that you are absolutely peaceful and calm.  You are so calm that you do not really care what happens.  Deep inside you know that whatever happens is just fine because you know that you can handle it.  You know that the choices you make are the correct choices and that all you need to do is take the appropriate steps and you will accomplish anything you choose to do.

 

Another way to recognize when you are in the moment is that you do not notice the passage of time.  Whatever you are doing, you have become so involved that you do not realize that several hours have passed.

 

I heard a good example of this recently.  Leonard Bernstein, the conductor and composer, was recounting a time when he was conducting a symphonic performance.  He said that he stepped on the podium and began conducting.  The next thing he remembered was the applause at the end of the event.  He had been in the moment so deeply that several hours had passed without him realizing that passage.

 

Have you ever noticed yourself watching your thoughts or actions?  Whether you realized it or not you were being the “observer”.  There are many spiritual and religious practices that discuss the idea of observation as a way to self mastery.

 

For me, observation is the key to really learning how to be in the moment.  We will discuss observation at greater length tomorrow.  For now just note that whenever you step outside of yourself for the shortest instant and see yourself from a different perspective you are in the moment.  When you catch that glimpse congratulate yourself for that achievement and begin to recognize the feeling, and then repeat this as often as possible.

 

False self is never in the moment

By definition, false self can never be in the moment.  That is why it is false self.  False self is the place where we experience all the things that we do not want to be.  Let’s take a look at a few characteristics of false self and why that is not being in the moment.

 

First of all, whenever we are not happy we are not in the moment.  False self has a myriad of excuses that it decides are reasons for not being happy.  It does not have the possessions that it wants so it is unhappy.  It was awakened in the middle of the night so it is upset that it did not get enough sleep.  And here is the big one.  Someone burned its toast this morning so it must be upset all day about that insult.

 

Why are these things not being in the moment?  Let’s take a closer look at a few of these examples.  See if you can spot the pattern.

 

When false self does not think that it has the possessions that it should have it is actually envisioning another time.  In that envisioned time period false self has the big house, the expensive car, the beautiful clothes that it thinks it should have now.  False self does not have those possessions at this moment and it senses a disconnect.  It also senses the possibility that it might never get those possessions.  False self becomes unhappy until it either finds something new about which to feel unhappy or we get back in the moment.

 

If false self is awakened and is upset because it did not get enough sleep it is actually envisioning a time when it should get the sleep it “needs.”  It is convinced that it needs eight hours of undisturbed sleep.  When it is disturbed it compares this vision of the current situation with the idealized time.  It wants to be in the idealized time and gets upset because the current time does not match it.

 

Once again false self decides that it needs to be upset.  That upset can last for a few minutes, hours, or days.  The upset will last until it finds something it views as more important to get upset with or true self takes over and we get back in the moment.

 

Finally, let’s look at what happens when someone burns the toast that false self had planned to eat for breakfast.  This egregious affront to false self causes it to think back on all the previous meals it enjoyed when the toast was prepared properly.  Once again, the envisioned time frame does not match the current experience.

 

For the rest of the day false self takes this perceived injury out on everyone it meets.  It yells at its fellow commuters.  It is sullen with its co-workers.  When it gets home it yells at the children.  It was unhappy all day because of some burned toast.

 

Did you see the pattern here?  It was the false self putting itself in another time period and comparing it to the current experience.  That is the definition of not being in the moment.  The idealized time period will never match the current experience, yet false self never ceases attempting to make it match.

 

When our concentration is not on the current experience, by definition we are not in the moment.  True self concentrates completely on the current experience and endeavors to understand that situation.  True self does not care about a future or past time period.  True self knows that when we concentrate completely on what is going on NOW everything else will take care of itself.

 

Eckhart Tolle has done some excellent work with teaching people to be in the moment.  That work might help you as it has helped me.  Please check our resource page for more information.

 

That is all for today.  Tomorrow we will look at a few tips for learning to be in the moment.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

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Examining a Grudge

August 25, 2008

Welcome Back

Welcome back!  I hope everyone had a great weekend.  The weather in this part of the northeastern US remained great.  I wish the best to all those who have experienced hardships from Tropical Storm Fay.  I hope to take a little time later this week to explain a perspective of what was going on there.  That storm appeared to be an indication that the planetary rebalancing is getting closer.

 

Also this week we will take a closer look at how we can learn to stay in the moment.  I received an inquiry from a reader who asked if we could go into further depth about how to stay in the moment.  We will take a bit of time this week to do just that.

 

Today we will take a look at an example of how the false self holds a grudge.  The lesson to take from this is how unhappy this can make us for many years.

 

Are you ready to look at how silly a grudge can be?  Let’s go!

 

An Old Grudge

Many people know that I am a cineaste, a person who is a fan of movies.  My preference is classic movies from all over the world.  Pursuing this interest allows me to watch the false self in action from many perspectives.  Sometimes it is the way the plot is written and the characters act out their parts.  When researching the history of the movies one encounters many stories where actors lived their real lives deeply enmeshed in their false self illusions and fears.

 

This weekend I was watching an interview with a very famous director.  The interview was recorded several years ago when the director was over eighty years old.  The director has since passed.

 

During the interview the discussion turned to an incident many years ago when the director had punched a critic.  When asked about the incident the director readily admitted to having attacked the critic.

 

Evidently the reason the director physically attacked the critic was that the critic had written reviews of the director’s work that the director did not like.  The director said that he thought that by punching the critic he would intimidate the critic so that the critic would no longer write about him.

 

The part of the interview that I found extremely sad was that the director said “I hated that man then, and I hate him now.  Even though he is now dead I will always hate him.”

 

Carrying Great Pain

What I found so sad about this interview was that this world acclaimed man had chosen to bring himself so much pain.  This deep seated hate of the critic had caused him to act in a very painful manner and attack the man.  Then he chose to cause continuing pain by nurturing a deep and hateful grudge for the critic.

 

How many of us carry similar pain?  False self decided that some incident in the past was so hurtful that we were going to punish the one(s) who caused the hurt by hating them for the rest of our lives.

 

I have an acquaintance that has carried the same type of hurt for over thirty five years.  He was in combat in the Viet Nam war and has yet to release his hate of the ones he fought.  Just like the director, the object of his hate is dead, yet he continues to hurt himself by continuing to hate.

 

Why Does False Self Hate?

There are many reasons that false self hates, but they all come down to either perceiving that it has been hurt or anticipating that it might be hurt.  In the case of our director, his false self perceived that it had been hurt.  Let’s step through this based on what we have learned in the last few weeks.

 

This all starts with the director’s false self identification with his work.  As we have seen, this identification causes false self to think that the film is part of itself.  Now that the film is part of itself any remark (true or not) that false self chooses not to like will be viewed as an attack on false self.  An attack on the film is the same as an attack on false self.

 

In order to “defend” itself false self determined that the best course of action would be to attack the critic.  The stated reason was to keep the critic from writing about the director’s work.  This means that the false self attacked the critic so that the critic would not continue to hurt the false self by writing about the director’s work.  In other words, the critic could not hurt the false self if he no longer wrote about the director.

 

In this case the director first perceived an attack on false self through the unflattering writings of the critic.  Hurt number one for the false self.  The false self attacked the critic to keep him from hurting false self again.  Hurt number two for the false self.  This attack hurt false self much more than it hurt the critic.

 

In order to “prove” that false self was “right” when it attacked the critic the false self then chose to hate the critic.  The false self “logic” here was that if we could always view the critic with hate then we would not have to look at the possibility that we might have been wrong to attack the critic.

 

This became hurt number three for the false self. And it became the hurt that it nurtured for the rest of its life.  It is so sad to see people hurt themselves in this manner.  When we really understand how the false self is controlling our lives through fears and illusions we wonder why people choose to hurt themselves so deeply.  At least I wonder about that.

 

That’s all for today.  I am very interested in hearing your insights regarding the example we looked at today.  A discussion about this type of situation is always thought provoking for everyone involved.  Please share your thoughts with our other readers.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

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Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

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