Insist on Having Fears and You Will Have Them

December 4, 2008

Today we look at the idea that we insist on having fears.  Many of us think that fear is normal.  However, as we look at our lives carefully we see that fear keeps us from being happy.  Why do we insist on having fears?

 

Remember the tiger?

We recently wrote about an analogy of a tiger that came from a book by Vernon Howard.  Today’s post is based on another analogy from that book.  The original analogy is:”argue for your limitations and they are yours.”  We will change that slightly as we look at fears.

 

Fear is something we learn

Several months ago as we were looking at the idea of false self we talked about fear.  We wrote a post about the idea that fear is a learned behavior.  The idea was that if we learn to be fearful we can also learn to overcome our fear.

 

How do we learn our fear?  As children we learn how to operate in our environment.  Our parents want to protect us.  Many of them think they are being helpful by teaching us to be afraid of things that can hurt us.

 

They teach us to be afraid of crossing the street so that we do not get run over by a car.  They teach us that there are a lot of “bad” people in the world so we need to be afraid of strangers.  They want us to be successful in life so they teach us to be afraid of failing in our school work.

 

We all have a different upbringing so we all have a different set of fears.  Some of them come from the good intentions of our parents, but some of them also come from us.  As we live our life we decide to develop fears that are based on our experience.  Either way, whether the source was our parents or ourselves, all fears are something we choose to accept into our life.

 

Why don’t we let go of our fears?

That is a very good question and one that I have puzzled over for many years.  As my understanding has evolved, I have come to several conclusions about this.

 

We see fear as normal

It seems to me that so many of us have so many fears that fear seems to be normal.  We alluded to this in a recent post.  When everyone else is afraid then it seems normal for us to be afraid as well.  We think this is the way we are supposed to live, so that is how we live.

 

Caution not fear

Many of us mistakenly think that fear is a protective device.  We think that if we are afraid of something it will make us more careful.  This was why our parents instilled fear in us.  If we were afraid of the flame on the stove then we would be more carful and not get burned.

 

The proper attitude is caution.  Caution does not imply fear, but many of us confuse the two.  When I drive on the expressway I am cautious of the cars around me, but I am not fearful.  It seems to be a fine distinction, and for many of us it is.  Hopefully in a future post we will explore that distinction.

 

Why be different?

Another aspect of why we choose to be fearful is we want to be like everyone else.  Once again, this is an idea that we have discussed in other posts on this site.  The basic idea is that false self does not want to be different.  By not being fearful of the things that the other false selves are fearful of, false self stands out.

 

When false self stands out as being different it is afraid.  Therefore it must behave in a manner that it can rationalize and justify for being different.  This is where we begin to get much of the irrational false self fear based behavior.

 

Confidence not bluster

When false self decides to show everyone that it is not afraid, all it usually does is puff itself up and talk in a boastful manner.  False self is putting on a false front about being fearful.  The more we talk about not being afraid, the more we are proving how afraid we really are.

 

True self does not have to prove that we are not afraid.  True self is confident, not boastful.  True self goes about our business without regard for fears.  True self just does not care about fear.  There is no reason to prove this – true self just does not care.

 

If we have to prove that we are not afraid then we are acting from false self.  This is part of the false self bluster.  True self just does not care, so will not even consider proving that it is not afraid.  The proof is in watching true self.  When you watch carefully you will see that there is no fear.  That is the proof.

 

Observe the fear

As with everything else on our spiritual path, it all starts with observation.  The most important step in learning to let go of our fears is to observe them.  We do not have to do anything about the fears at first.  We just have to watch them.

 

By observing the fears we get past the denial of them.  Many of us are in denial of many different fears.  As long as we are in denial, we cannot observe.  That is why we start with observation.  As we honestly observe our fears we begin to see how they are causing unhappiness.  Eventually we get tired of being unhappy and we decide to stop being fearful.  But it all starts with observation of the fear.

 

That is all for today.  I want you to be happy – so please start observing your fears.  Right now.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

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On the Other Hand

September 11, 2008

Last week I participated in a discussion where one of the participants was struggling to accept the spiritual awakening they were experiencing.  Today we will look at some ideas that can help us to balance our spiritual awakening with our existing beliefs and behaviors.

 

Email distribution

For some unexplained reason the email distribution for Tuesday did not go out on schedule.  The post was uploaded in time and the RSS feed even updated correctly.  The post for Tuesday was picked up and included in the email distro for Wednesday, so that became a two for one.

 

As I have said many times before, FeedBurner is a free service.  Most of the time they do a great job.  They have an occasional hiccup, but since none of us are paying anything we must accept the occasional outage.

 

Any of our new readers who would like to receive this post as a daily email should click here:  SUBSCRIBE  FeedBurner will make you fill out the standard screening form and send you a confirmation email.  Please be sure to follow the directions in the confirmation email to receive your daily update.

 

On the one hand

I was a part of a discussion last week where someone was struggling with some new understandings.  They were saying that they heard a lot of truth in what was being discussed and they were being drawn to that truth.

 

However, this individual was being torn by their current beliefs and behaviors.  Most of us experience the same conflict as we begin to travel our spiritual path.  We have an existing way of living that we think we know.  For some reason we have become unhappy with that life and are searching for something else.  When we find something that resonates with us we can get torn between the two.

 

Today we will look at an example of how to begin the resolution of this internal conflict.  An approach that I have used is to start by placing both hands in front of you.  Imagine one hand – let’s say the right hand – as holding the new understandings.  Imagine the left hand as grasping your current understandings and behaviors.

 

Let’s take a look at the left hand first.  In that hand you have your current understandings of spirituality, religion, your relationships, your family, and your possessions.  Whether you realize it or not, your unhappiness is also in your left hand. 

 

At one time we all thought that everything we ever need would be in this hand.  After all, what more do we need?  We are trained from birth that we do not need anything more than family, religion, possessions, and relationships.

 

Let’s look at the last item in our left hand – our unhappiness.  If everything we needed was in our left hand then unhappiness would not be there.  But because that unhappiness is there we have decided to look outside of that hand.

 

On the other hand

The reason that there is something in our right hand is because of the unhappiness we found in our left hand.  Somewhere we sensed that the unhappiness was strong enough to cause us to look for something else.  That something else became our newly found spiritual path.

 

We have begun to travel that path and have discovered a lot of things that will not fit in our left hand.  We put those discoveries in our right hand and start to ask ourselves what to do with them.  Many of these new understandings are clearly in conflict with what is in our left hand.

 

The problem is that these new understandings resonate very strongly with us.  That resonance is so strong that we know that we cannot drop these new understandings from our right hand.  Now we are being pulled very strongly by the attraction to our right hand.  Yet we are attached to the familiar and comfortable things in our left hand.  No wonder we feel torn between the two.

 

What to do, what to do

The resolution of this feeling of being torn can be a challenge.  There can be many steps, but we will start with the first step.  I am sure that this topic will come up again in future posts.  Anyone who wants to discuss this topic further can make a comment on this post and we can begin the discussion immediately.

 

Here is how I solved the internal conflict between my left and right hands.  It took awhile, but I eventually I came out the other side much more peaceful and happy.

 

My first step was to acknowledge and accept the situation.  In my left hand I had a bunch of stuff that was familiar, but that was causing unhappiness.  In my right hand I had other stuff that was pulling me very strongly.  The stuff in my right hand seemed so truthful, yet I could not let go of what was in my left.

 

Eventually I accepted that my unhappiness was in my left hand along with all the other stuff.  I realized that it was that stuff that was causing the unhappiness.  This did not mean that I could let go of it easily.  It was just a realization, but no action had been taken.

 

Likewise I realized that the stuff in my right was leading me towards my true happiness.  Even though I could not yet let go of the stuff in the left hand, I could try to utilize some of the things in my right hand.

 

At first it was simple things.  Like beginning to see that happiness comes from inside, not outside.  Then I learned more about the true self and the false self.  I looked at what spirituality really is and I even started to understand that fear is a behavior that we learn.

 

Don’t get me wrong.  All these investigations did not happen immediately.  I was very attached to my existing beliefs and behaviors in my left hand.  I would merely dabble my right hand in the water of my new understanding to see what it was like.

 

Gradually I began to see that the only thing in my right hand was my true happiness.  Every time I went back to my left hand the only thing I found was my unhappiness.

 

It took many years of dabbling to convince me to let go of what was in my left hand.  After that it took more years of changing my behavior so that I was no longer holding onto what was in my left hand.

 

Eventually my right hand won and I am much more able to notice when my left hand is holding on.  I am also much happier.

 

Trust yourself

To summarize how to resolve the internal conflict that usually comes when we start on our spiritual path – trust yourself.  Your true self is in your right hand.  Your false self is in your left hand.  Trust that your right hand will guide you towards your true happiness.  After all, your left hand has never given you any happiness.  Why would it start to do so now?

 

That’s all for today.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

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True Self is Always in the Moment

August 15, 2008

Today we will bring together the last two weeks of posts.  The reason why we want to be living from our true self is because true self is always in the moment.  But first…

 

Distribution Update

Last night’s email distribution was successful.  However, it appears that the paragraph formatting was lost.  Each paragraph appears as one long line.  I will continue to work on that.

 

It looks like the RSS feed is still irregular.  Sometimes it is showing as current and other times it shows as several days old.  I will continue to look into that.

 

Thankful Friday

On Fridays we spend a moment thanking people.  This week I want to thank our readers who have kept with the blog through the email distribution issues.  Thank you for taking the time to read this blog.

 

This week I want to thank my regular Thursday “A Course in Miracles” study group.  For the past year and a half you have helped me understand my true self more clearly.  You have also offered me the opportunity to share what I understand and provided me a venue in which I could fine tune my explanation skills.  The weekly discussions are stimulating and thought provoking.  Thanks!

 

And as always, we thank WordPress for providing the free site for me to write and you to read.  Thanks WordPress!

 

And now, on to the daily post!

 

The Past Two Weeks

So, you are asking yourself why we have spent the last two weeks talking about true self and false self.  The simple answer is that when we can identify and externalize the false self behavior we are left with true self.

 

True self is the source of everything we want in life.  Our happiness can only come from true self.  Anytime that false self starts to feel happy it always becomes afraid of losing that happiness.  True self knows that happiness will never go anywhere.

 

Our self confidence also comes from true self.  False self sometimes thinks it is confident.  However, this is frequently an aggressive, “in your face type” of confidence.  False self tries to “prove” it is confident.  That is not true confidence.  True self knows that it is confident and does not need to prove it.

 

For the past two weeks I have been attempting to help us see the differences between false self and true self.  I have been attempting to encourage us to learn how true self behaves and for us to learn to start behaving in that manner.  I have been showing how false self behavior is always self destructive and encouraging us to stop behaving in that manner.

 

True Self is Always in the Moment

The idea of being in the moment is discussed in many spiritual and religious practices.  It is the reason that people are encouraged to meditate.  It is the basis of prayer.  It is the single most important behavior we can learn in this or any other lifetime.

 

Let’s put together what we have been saying for the past two weeks about understanding true self and how that relates to being in the moment.  Let’s start with observation.

 

All discussions about being in the moment touch on the idea of observing.  When we are in the moment we are watching what is going on in our lives.  It is kind of like we have a vantage point that is a few inches above and behind our head.  We watch what is going on but our thinking process is slightly disengaged.  We are participating in, but not confined to what is going on around us.

 

True self is that observer.  If you reread the postings of the last few weeks you will see that whenever we talk about how to recognize and overcome false self behavior we are talking about observing that behavior.  Then we reinforce by showing that this observation is coming from true self.

 

The reason for these explanations was to attempt to show us how we are frequently in the moment for very short periods of time.  When we are in the moment we see clearly.  We are calm.  We have no fears.  Then the chatter which comes from false self jumps in and we are out of the moment.

 

Learning to Stay in the Moment

We start to see that there are fleeting seconds when we are actually in the moment.  We start to recognize that we can be in the moment.  Now the task becomes to stay in the moment for longer and longer periods of time.  That is just a matter of practice.

 

Once again, I hope that you will reread the last two weeks of discussion about true self and false self.  There are many specific examples of behaviors that we all exhibit at one time or another.  Each behavior is pulled apart and analyzed from a true self and false self perspective.

 

We describe a false self behavior and suggest where it came from.  We show how to observe that behavior.  We reinforce the idea that by observing the behavior we are observing from true self.  We are learning to stay in the moment by practicing being true self.

 

As we have said several times, this observation period usually starts with a fleeting second or two that comes from our desire to find true peace and happiness.  Frequently we say to ourselves “There has to be a better way!”  By recognizing those fleeting seconds we gradually learn to be the observer for short periods of time.  Now it is a matter of learning how to become the observer for longer periods of time.

 

No one is saying any of this is easy.  Nor is anyone saying this is hard.  Each of us finds our own way to learn to be in the moment.  From my observations it usually happens when we become absolutely and completely tired of being unhappy.

 

Then there is a trigger of some sort that is an insight to our true happiness.  At that point we decide we are going to find our true happiness no matter what the cost.  Now nothing can stop us.  We can become distracted or delayed.  We can get caught back in the false self illusions.  But somewhere inside we remember our commitment to our true happiness and we become the observer again.

 

We continue on our path knowing that we are becoming happier by the day.  We know that no matter what happens we will always return to our path.  Now we have found our true self, our true happiness and we are in the moment.

 

That’s all for today.  Have a great weekend!

 

Until Monday –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

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Email

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The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

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Understanding False Self – Attachments to People

August 11, 2008

Welcome Back

I hope everyone had a great weekend.  Here in my part of the northeastern US we had a gorgeous day on Saturday followed by a cool and rainy Sunday.  All in all the weather was pretty good for most of the weekend.  Thanks for coming back for today’s installment.

 

Note to Email Subscribers

It looks like our email subscription service is still resolving some issues.  I did not receive my daily updates last Thursday or Friday.  Because today’s content relies on those posts please read them before you read today’s post.  Here are the links to Thursday’s post and Friday’s post.

 

We would like to track the quality of our email subscription service.  Please help us by either sending an email or posting a comment stating if the service is fulfilling your expectations.

 

Now for today’s post.  Are you ready to learn more about attachments to people?  Let’s go!

 

False Self Needs to Know Its Place

One of the valuable lessons I took from Eckhart Tolle recently was his comment that false self (or ego) is always trying to place itself above or below those around it.  This is a very powerful insight and can help us to understand when to recognize that we are acting from false self.

 

As we have stated a number of times during the past week, false self knows that it is not supposed to be alone.  When it is not trained properly it becomes very afraid.  One of the places that those fears manifest themselves is in how it relates to other people.

 

False self has a very hard time treating anyone as an equal.  Because of its fear it decides if it should be above or below someone else.  Lets’ take a closer look at this.

 

Putting Itself Below

If we meet someone that false self feels is powerful, or perceives as someone who could help us, false self usually puts that person in a superior position.  False self looks up to that person and tries not to upset that person.  It perceives that if it gets that other person mad then that person won’t like false self anymore and will not be able to help with whatever false self thinks it needs help with.

 

In other words, if false self views that it needs another person it usually puts itself below that person.  This is not always the case, nor is it the only reason why false self behaves like this, but for our purposes it will serve for our discussion.

 

Another reason that false self may put itself below another person is because it wants something directly from that person.  What it wants will differ widely from love, to money, to a job and anything else you can think of.  However the base of this choice of false self position is rooted in false self ingratiating itself with the person it has chosen to be below.

 

False self wants something from this other individual.  It thinks that if it gets the other person mad at them then they won’t give false self what it wants.  How often have we all behaved like this?

 

Putting Itself Above

When false self sees no need to respect another person it usually puts itself in a superior position.  There can be several different fears being acted upon here, so we will take a look at a few of them.

 

First, false self is very threatened by the idea of someone who is “different” from it.  It views those differences as a threat to its attachment to its ideas or its self image.  Some of the common differences that threaten false self are religion, gender, nationality, and sexual preference.

 

Next, rather than attempt to deal with these differences and treat the other individual as an equal, false self decides that they have no worth.  Finally, once false self views the person who is “different” as having no worth then it no longer needs to think about them.  It has put itself above the “different” individual and given that “different” individual no standing.

 

The Attachment Is to the Position

Once false self has decided that it is above or below someone it gets attached to that position.  Remember, false self is very scared.  False self finds change to be very scary.  False self tries to keep relationships from changing by becoming attached to either its superior or inferior position.

 

Now, in all this, false self has never consulted the other person to find out if they want to be in the inferior or superior position that our false self has so graciously bestowed on them.  Watch how this can easily lead to conflict.

 

My false self has decided for whatever it considers are reasons that you are inferior to it.  Then you decide to at least be equal.  My false self views this as a threat to its attached idea of where you should be.  Instead of blaming itself for its attachment my false self decides to blame you for deciding to change your part of the relationship.  Doesn’t this sound like a common cause for conflict and violence in our society?

 

There Are Many More Reasons

By no means do I intend to cover all the possible relationships and all the possible reasons that false self needs to place itself above or below another person.  All that I am attempting to do here is to help you to start to understand another example of false self behavior.

 

Remember, any time we want to find our true happiness we must start with observing our behavior.  We observe the behavior that we do not like because it is causing us to be unhappy.  These examples are for that purpose.

 

As you go through your day practice watching if you are considering yourself above or below those around you.  Once you start to see that you are behaving in this manner notice the situation in which you are doing so.  Then ask yourself why you are doing so.

 

Practicing this observation and question method will serve two main purposes.  First it will help you to know when you are not treating other people as equals.  Next it will start to improve all you relationships.

 

Once you start to recognize people as equals and treat them with the respect of an equal, they will be much more likely to respond to you in the same manner.  Gradually this will improve almost every one of your interpersonal relationships.

 

That’s all for today.  Tomorrow we will look at how true self relates to the people around us.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

Talk to us!  Post a comment or a question!

 

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Copyright

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The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

 

 

noahnow@yahoo.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Recognizing Our True Self – Releasing Attachments

August 8, 2008

Housekeeping

We start today with a bit of housekeeping.  For our readers who subscribe by email – you may not have received yesterday’s post.  Our subscription service has been doing some maintenance and the post might have slipped through the cracks.  If you missed yesterday’s post please click here.  Today’s post is based on what was said yesterday.

 

Thankful Friday

Our custom is to take a minute each Friday to thank those around us.  Today we would like to thank Oprah Winfrey for the work she is doing.  Her extended webcast discussion with Eckhart Tolle about his book “A New Earth” has been helpful to many individuals.  You can also obtain podcast versions of this webcast series and many of her XM Radio broadcasts on ITunes.  We have no financial or other relationship with Oprah Winfrey or Eckhart Tolle.  We only want to thank them for their work.

 

Next we would like to thank our readers who take the time from their busy days to read these posts.  We hope what we are saying is helping you to live a happier life.  Please let us know what else we can do to help you achieve your goal of that happier life.

 

Finally we would like to thank WordPress and FeedBurner for providing the free services that make this site possible.  Thanks!

 

Recap

Yesterday we looked at the false self and its attachments.  We talked about a few common attachments and got a feeling for how unhappy we become when we live a life controlled by those attachments.

 

We ended the post by recognizing that we have all asked ourselves at one time or another “Isn’t there a better way?”  The idea I was attempting to raise was that we have all looked at out lives and recognized our unhappiness.  We have all said there must be a way to be more happy.

 

There is.  Let’s go find it!

 

True Self Sees Through the Attachments

One of the points that I am attempting to convey on this site is that we have never been totally disconnected from our true self.  It has always been there giving us guidance.  We have not listened to it for a variety of reasons, but it has always been there.

 

One of the best ways to recognize that the true self has been attempting to guide our life is when we step back and ask the question “Isn’t there a better way?”  Remember, true self is the observer.  When we ask this kind of a question we are asking it from the perspective of true self.  True self is observing our life and our attachments and is attempting to tell false self that there is a better way.  The problem comes with the answers to the question.

 

A Tangle of Interlocking Attachments

When we ask a question like “Isn’t there a better way?” we always get an answer.  That answer may be drowned out by the false self chatter, it may be an answer that we do not like, and it may be an answer that we cannot yet understand.  However, we always get an answer.

 

Let’s take a look at an example of a question that most of us have asked at one time or another about a relationship which we were in when we asked the question.  The relationship has become unhappy and we ask “Isn’t there a better way?”  The question we actually asked was probably a bit different, but the spirit was the same.  We wanted to find a way back to happiness.

 

Let’s take an answer to that question and look at some of the possible interlocking attachments that might have kept us from either accepting the answer or doing anything about making a choice for happiness.

 

So we ask our question and we get the answer that we need to end our relationship with this person and move on with our life.  True self has recognized that this relationship will not bring us happiness.  Now false self has to sort through its attachments to determine if it wants to end the relationship.  That sounds silly, but that is what happens.

 

A few common attachments that false self may have are things like “What will people think?”, “Where will I find someone else?”, “This person provides my security, how will I replace that?”  Does anyone see a pattern in these questions?  Raise your hand if you do.

 

That is correct.  All these questions have to do with some external situation.  Caring about what other people will think has become more important than finding our happiness.  Finding someone else implies that we are unable to exist without a close personal relationship.  For us to be “whole” we need someone else.  Clinging to someone because they provide security is saying that we do not have the power or ability to provide our own security.

 

Each of these attachments is looking to some external situation for something which can only be found inside.  True self provides our security.  True self does not need anyone else to be whole; it is already whole, thank you very much.  True self does not care what people think.

 

True self knows that other true selves will be supportive of its actions.  Someone else’s false self may castigate us for breaking up a relationship, but their true self will recognize that we are choosing for our happiness.  Who do we want to listen to, their supportive true self or their judgmental false self?

 

Learning to See the Attachments

In this example I am not trying to say that real life is not more complicated than the few attachments we have looked at.  However, this is entirely representative of actual situations.  In fact here are many more attachments that we deal with when we have to break up a relationship.  If there were only these three then breaking up would be easy to do.

 

The point here is that we need to start to see the attachments.  Not just when we ask true self for guidance regarding a relationship, but any time we recognize that we are unhappy.  Remember, as soon as we see that we are unhappy we have begun observing from true self.  The answers will be associated with pursuing our happiness and releasing attachments.  Please learn to at least hear the answers, even if you cannot yet do anything with the answers by releasing the attachments.  Eventually you will be able to utilize them, so for now at least listen to them.

 

Once again, this is a skill that will take a bit of time to master.  It starts with recognizing this pattern:

 

  1. Without recognizing it we get caught in an attachment.
  2. We become unhappy.
  3. We recognize that we are unhappy.
  4. We realize that when we recognize that we are unhappy we have become the observer.  Once we have become the observer our perspective is that of true self.
  5. True self will always have answers that will resolve our unhappiness.  We need to listen to those answers because they will tell us to release some of our attachments.
  6. If we cannot yet do anything with those answers, we need to at least acknowledge that they exist.
  7. Practice, practice, practice.

 

That is all for today, and this week.  Please learn to recognize that voice of true self that is telling you to let go of your attachments.  I want you to find your happiness sooner than I found mine.

 

Have a great weekend!

 

Until next week –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

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Recognizing Our True Self – Seeing Through Fear

August 6, 2008

Yesterday we took an in depth look at where our fears come from and how to resolve them.  We heard a great deal about how the false self becomes fearful and then runs our life based on those fears.

 

Today we will flip that perspective and look at our True Self.  We will learn how to feel when our True Self is in control.  Are you ready?  Let’s go!

 

Learning to Sense Our True Self

We have spent the last two posts looking at the true self and the false self.  Yesterday we started to learn how the false self develops fears and then runs our life based on those fears.  This leads to a very unhappy lifetime.

 

We also looked at the idea of remembering previous times in this lifetime when we had experienced a fear and had overcome that fear.  In today’s post we will learn what actually happened as we overcame that fear.

 

When we look back at a previous fear, who is looking at that fear?  When we were actually in the situation when we overcame the fear, who decided to get rid of that particular fear?  The answer to both of these questions is our true self.

 

What we are learning here is how to glimpse our true self.  The false self cannot overcome a fear.  It can only go along with the fear and let the fear control it.  This is because the false self is based on fear and cannot resolve any fears.  True self has no fears.  Therefore it can resolve fear.  Whenever we have resolved a fear it has been an example of our true self stepping in and taking control of the lifetime at that particular moment.

 

Our true self is always calm, quiet, peaceful, and confident.  Whenever we are experiencing these things we are experiencing true self.  True self is a quiet little voice that is always telling us what to do.  It is always correct.  When we have conquered a fear we have listened to that voice.

 

We have all sensed that peaceful strength.  We have all seen the power that is there.  What we have not done is listened to that little voice long enough to retrain our false self.  Because false self is fearful it is always worrying.  That constant chatter in our heads is coming from our worrying false self.  False self has no confidence so it has to be constantly worrying about things. The only way it can do that worrying is through constant chatter.

 

Quieting the Chatter

We use many different methods to quiet the chatter.  Some of us use yoga, meditation, or prayer.  There are many great ways to learn to quiet the mind.  Please find one that is good for you.

 

Some of us use more self destructive methods such as drug or alcohol addiction.  Some of us use sexual relationships to quiet the chatter.  The self destructive methods actually increase the chatter because they create or embed more fear.

 

We can learn to quiet the mind through means like yoga or meditation.  However, once we have quieted the mind we need to start to recognize that the false self is still chattering.  We have made it easier to hear the voice of true self, but false self has not given up.

 

What makes false self start to give up?  When we learn to operate from that little, quiet voice of true self we gradually start to take back control from false self.  We hear something that true self wants us to do and start to do it.  False self becomes fearful and starts to tell us why we “can’t do that.”

 

At this point we can either give into the fears that false self is using to convince us that we “can’t do that”, or we can tell it to be quiet and trust true self.  Without knowing what we were doing, this is exactly what we have done every time we have overcome a fear in the past.  False self says NO!  We say “trust me”.  We resolve the fear based on that trust.

 

Now it is time for us to learn how to make the choice to deliberately behave in this manner.  We have done it in the past without knowing we were doing so.  To overcome our fears from here forward we need to recognize this process that we are already using.  The more we recognize and practice this process the better we will get at ridding ourselves of fear.

 

Recognize True Self

True self is the observer.  Whenever we catch a glimpse of false self being fearful we are seeing from the viewpoint of our true self.  Whenever we decide that we want to overcome a fear – that is a decision that is coming from our true self.  The more we can recognize when we are operating from true self the greater the contrast with false self will become.

 

At first we may become frustrated.  We catch a glimpse of our fears.  We recognize that we do not want to be fearful.  Then it all falls apart and we get caught up in the fears.  It may be days or weeks until we remember that we had even seen the fears.

 

Do not worry.  This is normal.  The important thing is that you observed the fears.  Then you remembered that you observed the fears, but got caught up in them.  Believe it or not this is an excellent start.  We all want the fears to go away immediately and become frustrated when they do not magically vanish.  Think about this – it took a few years to embed those fears in your behavior and it will take a few years to rid yourself of them.

 

How long will it take?  There is no answer for that.  However, the more we can learn to be the observer and the more quickly we can learn to get rid of our fears the sooner we find our true happiness.  Remember, it’s a journey, not a destination.  Relax and enjoy the journey.  We have been collecting fears for many years.  We have just recently decided to see through them.  It will take a little time to do so.

 

Summary – How to Recognize True Self

Here are a few points that may help us to recognize our true self.

 

1.     Practice being the observer.  Whenever we can see our fears we are being the observer.  When we are observing our false self, by default, that has to be from the viewpoint of our true self.

2.     Listen to that quiet voice.  False self is full of fear and that fear creates constant chatter.  We must learn to quiet our minds in whatever way is appropriate for us.  As we learn to listen to that quiet little voice we also learn to tell false self to trust us.  In time false self will learn to trust us.

3.     Practice, practice, practice.  We are learning a new skill.  It will take time to master this skill.  It is a process at which we will be mastering for the rest of our lives.  It does not matter how quickly we make our progress.  It only matters that we start.  Start now, not next week.  The sooner we get comfortable with this process the sooner we begin to glimpse what a truly happy life we can choose to have.

 

Please do not fight this process as much as I fought it.  Please start right now learning to observe your fears and accepting that you can overcome them.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

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Copyright

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Recognizing The False Self – Fear is Learned

August 5, 2008

 

Yesterday we heard about our True Self and our False Self.  We showed some ways to start to understand the difference between the two.  We also touched on why we have a false self.  Today we will take a look at one of the major debilitating aspects of the false self.

 

Are you ready to start to recognize how we allow our false self to rule us through use of fear?  Let’s go!

 

All Fear Comes From the False Self

Yesterday we looked at the idea that we do not learn to properly train our false self to listen to our true self.  To summarize that discussion, false self is supposed to be the physical interface for nonphysical true self to use during a physical lifetime.  False self more or less runs wild to make decisions because it has not been trained.  Because everyone else around us is doing pretty much the same thing we have no role model to follow to train our false self.

 

Underneath all of this lack of training false self realizes that it is not supposed to be all alone.  It knows that there is supposed to be some guidance so that it does not have to make the decisions all by itself.  When it realizes that it is not receiving proper guidance and training it decides that it must start to make the decisions by itself.

 

This determination to make the decisions starts within the first few years of a lifetime.  During the first few months of life false self looks to the parents and other care givers for this initial training.  This is the tremendous openness that we see in babies.  Their false self has not yet learned to take over.  Gradually the false self decides that it must take over.  It imitates what it sees around it, which are just other false selves who are running their lifetimes – and very poorly at that!

 

By the time the child reaches six or seven years old the false self is pretty well set as the one that is in control.  The true self becomes just a tiny, quiet voice behind all the mind chatter that is the false self.  That tiny voice is always calm, and always correct.  When we finally retrain the false self we are retraining it to listen to that voice.

 

So now we are at age seven and the false self is in control of the lifetime.  It knows it is not supposed to be in control, so it is fearful.  It knows that it does not have the answers, but it will not admit that fact.  From this point forward, almost all behavior that an individual exhibits is in some way related to fear or its smaller cousin, insecurity.

 

Fear Is a Behavior That Is Learned

In the preceding section we learned that all fear and insecurity come from our false self which has not been trained to listen to our true self.  Because our false self has decided to be fearful, that means that fear and insecurity are behaviors that we learn as we develop.  That means that we can unlearn them.

 

Riding a Bicycle

Let’s take a simple example of a fear that most of us had at one time and then learned to overcome.  Most of us were at one time afraid of riding a bicycle.  We perceived it as something on which it was difficult to balance.  We were afraid that it would hurt when we lost our balance and fell on the pavement.

 

In our own ways we each overcame this fear.  Were we born with this fear?  I say that we were not.  We learned it as we grew up.  Somehow, we faced the fear and learned to see through it.  We learned that we could ride the bicycle and gradually the fear subsided.

 

My point here is that all fears are essentially the same.  For some reason we decided to have the fear.  Maybe we chose to have it on our own or maybe someone told us we should have the fear so we decided to make the fear our own.  One way or another we decided to make the fear a part of our false self.

 

Once again, fear is a learned behavior.  Just like with the bicycle we can learn to face the fear and not let it affect us.  We wanted to ride the bicycle more than we wanted to have the fear so we learned to overcome the fear.  We can treat all of our fears in the exact same manner.

 

Overcome Fears by Accepting Them

We start overcoming our fears by realizing that they are nothing more than something created by our false self.  If we created it then we can get rid of it.  This may be difficult at first, but take a look back at your lifetime and give yourself credit for the fears that you have already overcome.  You will see that even though you may not have realized it, you were accepting that you had the ability to overcome the fear, and then you went and rid yourself of the fear.

 

The next thing we need to accept is that we have the fear.  Fears are big scary things.  We do not realize that we create them.  Therefore we are reluctant to admit that we have them.  We want to blame them on something else.  We have to accept that we allowed the fear to occur, and that we do in fact have the fear.

 

When we blame the fear on an external cause we are also saying that the external cause must remove the fear.  If we created the fear then no one or no thing external to us can remove it.  It is ours and we must accept it.

 

The best tool that I have found that I use to overcome fears is to realize that I created the fear and that the fear is causing unhappiness.  I say to myself that I would rather be happy than fearful.  Eventually I start to resolve the fear.  Have I rid myself of all fear?  Hell no.  Am I less fearful and more happy than I was thirty years ago?  Hell yes.

 

Things That Must Be Accepted

Here is a list of things that we must accept in order to overcome our fears:

 

1.     Accept that all fear comes from our false self.  Because false self knows that it is not supposed to be in charge, it becomes fearful.  By accepting those fears we choose to lead a scared and unhappy life.

2.     Accept that you can rid yourself of your fears.  We used the example of the bicycle.  We were once afraid of riding the bicycle.  We decided the happiness of riding the bicycle was more important than the fear of doing that riding.  We rid ourselves of that fear.  All our fears are essentially the same.

3.     Accept that you have fears.  Fears are scary things to look at.  We do not want to look at them.  Recognize that the fear will still be there even if we do not look at it.  The sooner we look at and accept it the sooner we can start to resolve it.

4.     Accept that the fears all come from us.  We are deceiving ourselves when we think that a fear has come from an external cause.  When we think in this manner then we also look for an external cause to resolve it.  That ain’t gonna happen!

5.     One of the most valuable tools that we can use is to accept that we have overcome some of our fears already.  We have heard the analogy of the bicycle, but we all have other fears that we have overcome.  Look back at your life and give yourself a Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! for all the fears that you have overcome.  Use these examples of progress to build your confidence to overcome other fears.

 

Well that’s all for today.  Fear can be a very difficult thing to deal with.  Please post any comments, questions, or examples of your having overcome your fears.  A discussion on this subject could be very helpful to our other readers.

 

Tomorrow we will continue to learn how to recognize when we are acting from our false self.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

Talk to us!  Post a comment or a question!

 

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Copyright

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The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

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