There Is No Silver Bullet

February 16, 2009

Does anyone remember the Lone Ranger?  It started out as radio show and then became a TV show.  The hero, the Lone Ranger, was famous for shooting silver bullets.  The idea of a silver bullet seems to originate in folklore as a “magic” solution to a problem.  Today we look at why silver bullets do not exist – or do they?

 

Welcome back

I trust everyone had a great weekend.  We had seasonable weather in this part of the northeast US.  This was also Valentine’s Day, President’s Day weekend, and the Daytona 500 was run.  As an automobile racing fan, I was glad to see the season get underway again.

 

Silver bullets are nice

At one time or another we all want silver bullets.  We want nice, simple, straightforward, easy, solutions to our “problems”.  We want to shoot a silver bullet and make all of our problems go away.  The question is – why do we want a silver bullet solution?

 

Actually, it is not us that wants the silver bullet solution.  It is our false self that wants the solution.  We, as our true self, recognize that “silver bullet” solutions rarely exist.  We will see more about this in tomorrow’s post.

 

In reality, it is our false self that wants silver bullet solutions.  Remember, false self is based on fear.  False self is afraid of any change.  False self is afraid of doing anything that it does not understand or want to do.

 

Silver bullet solutions are enthralling

For false self, a silver bullet solution is very persuasive.  It offers the opportunity to make a problem magically disappear.  The problem goes way and we never have to think about it again.  The fallacy is that this is just another way of being in denial.

 

False self wants the problem to magically disappear.  This solution never works because false self has never taken the time to look at and understand the “problem”.  It is afraid to look at the problem, so it just wants it to go away. 

 

However, if we do not understand the problem and why it occurred, then we never truly solve the problem.  Since we do not understand the problem, it will happen again.  When it happens again we will get a new opportunity to look at and understand the problem.

 

It’s all about learning

Some would view this as karma.  I see it as learning.  We encounter what we call a “problem”.  We get an opportunity to learn about something that will help us to resolve the problem.  We also get a silver bullet solution.  When false self opts for the silver bullet solution we do not learn anywhere near as much as what we learn when true self rolls up our sleeves and starts to resolve the situation.

 

It is always our choice.  Do we want to allow false self to delay the learning or do we, as true self, want to learn now?  I have found that it is much more efficient when we choose to learn now.

 

After all this – there is one possibility that there just might be a silver bullet.  Join us tomorrow when we look at that possibility.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

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The Child Chasing the Bee

December 29, 2008

Today we will look at another analogy from the book The Mystic Path to Cosmic Power by Vernon Howard.  We heard several analogies from this book in previous posts.  Today we will hear about the child and the bee.

 

Welcome back

Welcome back from your holiday weekend.  I trust that everyone had a safe and happy weekend.  We have had very changeable weather in this part of the northeast US.  To me, this is just a sign the planetary rebalancing is getting underway in earnest.

 

The child and the bee

Today’s analogy compares our false self desires to a child chasing a bee.  The child is playing in the yard and spies a big colorful bumble bee.  The bumble bee is slow moving so the child decides to catch this mesmerizing creature.

 

Of course the bee immediately stings the child.  As Vernon Howard describes it – the child soon finds that he does not want the bee.

 

Our false self is much the same as the child chasing after the bright and colorful bee.  False self is mesmerized by things like money, power, notoriety, personal relationships, and material objects.  It chases after them without much thought as to what will happen when it catches them.

 

Our culture is replete with individuals, both historical and current, who apparently had everything but were not happy.  They had all the money, power, fame which most of us dream of.  They still had not found their true self, so all these false self accomplishments turned out to be meaningless.

 

The dog chasing cars

There is an old joke about dogs that chase cars.  The punch line is “What is the dog going to do when he finally catches a car?”

 

I recommend that we do the same thing with all the false self materialistic dreams that we are chasing.  Ask yourself what are you really going to do when you win the lottery?  Will buying that house really make your life any better?  When you get that promotion and you have more people reporting to you, are you really going to be able lead them any better than you can now?

 

I am not preaching.  I am not saying there is anything wrong with wanting more money, a nicer house, or a promotion.  I am just recommending that we think about why we really want these things.  Then we should think very seriously about what we will do once we get them.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

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© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

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Don’t Bother the Tiger

November 20, 2008

During the last week I have been asked to explain a metaphor about a tiger.  This has happened several times.  I finally got the message that maybe I should write a post about it.  To quote that great American hero, Homer Simpson: Doh!

 

The source

I readily admit that I have not read a lot of books on spirituality.  My preferred method has been to learn a few principles and then learn to utilize them in my daily life.  Then repeat.  Then repeat.

 

However, one of the best books that I have read was “The Mystic Path to Cosmic Power” by Vernon Howard.  I read this book almost thirty years ago and several times since then.  The vividness and practicality of the examples and metaphors that he used still resonate with me.  The book has been hard to find, but most people eventually obtain a copy.  You might try this link.  I have no financial or any other relationship with the seller of the book.

 

The metaphor of the tiger comes from this book.  Vernon Howard wrote about many more examples that can help illuminate our path.  If there is a good response to this post, I will write about some of the other examples that have helped me on my path.

 

Disturbing the tiger

Remember our discussion a few weeks ago about observation?  This metaphor assumes you are familiar with the concept of observation.  Please read the articles about observation if you are not familiar with the concept.

 

The metaphor of the tiger starts by observing our thoughts.  We see thoughts of anger, unhappiness, hate, fear, and many more.  Those painful thoughts become the tiger.

 

We watch the tiger (painful thoughts) appear and walk through our mind.  We are fearful of the tiger so we strike it.  Or we grab it.  Somehow we arouse the tiger and make it aware of us.

 

Once the tiger is aware of us we must wrestle with it.  Remember – the tiger is our negative and unhappy thoughts.  When we are wrestling with the tiger we are wrestling with our own thoughts, our self.

 

Who wins this battle with the tiger (our self)?  No one.  Who loses the battle with our self?  We do.  We always lose when we fight with our self.  In fighting with the tiger we are fighting with our self – a battle we cannot win.

 

Learning to ignore the tiger

It takes awhile, but eventually we learn that if we ignore the tiger it will not bother us.  Just because we see the tiger does not mean we have to do something about it.  When we are still, observant, and fearless, all we need to do is watch the tiger walk through our mind.

 

When we learn to just let the tiger walk on through our mind we learn that it cannot have any effect on us unless we disturb it.  Eventually we learn to have many tigers walking through our mind at the same time.  We gradually learn to  ignore the tigers and go about our business.  The tigers will take care of themselves and we are happier when we do not disturb them.

 

In other words

Let’s break this metaphor down again.  The tiger represents our negative thoughts, our false self.  As we learn to observe, we learn to watch the tiger, our negative thoughts, our false self, from a separate place.  That separate place is our true self.  We learn that when we are enmeshed in the false self we lose objectivity and are in pain.

 

At first when we see our painful thoughts (the tiger, false self) we think we have to do something about them.  We think we have to lash out at them.  We think we have to change them.  All this does is causes us to fight with our self (false self, tiger).  When we fight our self we always lose.

 

It seems counter intuitive, but when we see our false self (painful thoughts, tiger) all we have to do is ignore it.  We let it go.  We allow the thoughts to go through our mind and we learn not to act on them.  We learn that every time we act from false self (painful thoughts, tiger) we become more unhappy.

 

Gradually we realize that as long as we remain in our place of observation true self will know what to do.  When we stop listening to false self the only voice remaining is that of true self.

 

We learn to trust that true self always has the best answer.  We learn that true self is always happy.  We learn that there is nothing more important in life than to be operating from our true self, no matter the apparent “cost” in physical terms.

 

We learn that there is no substitute for the peace and happiness that come from true self.

 

That is all for today.  Please submit your comments or experiences of when you realized that you had disturbed the tiger.  Our readers would like to hear your experiences.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

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Email

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Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

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Imagine Yourself as a Puppet Master

November 6, 2008

Today we will continue our discussion regarding observation.  We will extend our analogy by adding the idea of being a puppet master.

 

Review

We started this analogy on Monday when we began talking about observing ourselves from a balcony.  Yesterday we looked at why we jump off the balcony.

Today we will look at an analogy that can help us stay on the balcony.

 

Practice observing

Let’s go back to our initial analogy about observation.  Imagine that you are standing on a balcony that is a little above and behind you body.  You are watching that body as it goes through the daily routine.

 

At this point you are only observing.  You observe as your body eats breakfast.  You observe as your body goes through the day at work.  You observe when your false self gets mad when it has to sit in traffic on the way home from work.

 

You watch all this but do not get involved.  Gradually you will develop a sense of separateness from your body, but not a disconnection.  You will see that you are still connected to your body but that your point of observation is outside of that body.

 

A limited role

At this point you start to understand the role your body is supposed to play.  The only tasks your body is supposed to perform are to be your physical eyes and ears.  The body is supposed to move itself around as you need it to move.  Those are the only tasks that the body is supposed to do.

 

The last thing your body is supposed to do is get involved with a bunch of complicated thinking.  What most of us consider as thinking actually comes from our false self, which is a part of the physical body.  False self is supposed to do what true self tells it to do.  The tasks false self performs are strictly related to being the physical interface for true self within the physical world.

 

An example

Let’s use the example of going to a meeting to start to understand how these roles are separated.  You are at work and you have a meeting to attend at 10:00 AM.  Let’s watch to see how true self and false self are supposed to collaborate for this common task.

 

You get to work and check your calendar before you get started on any work.  You note that you have a 10:00 meeting to attend.  You file that thought and get started on your work.

 

As you work, false self monitors the time and notes when it is time to go to the meeting.  You stop working five minutes before the meeting to allow yourself time to walk to the meeting.  You tell false self to take the body to the meeting.

 

True self does not need to know how to get to the meeting.  True self does not need to know how to walk.  These tasks are done by false self.  False self walks the body to the meeting.  False self sits the body in a chair.

 

Once the meeting starts true self listens to what the body is hearing.  True self is the one that decides on the correct answer when we are asked a question.  True self decides when to comment, and what the comments should be.

 

False self does not have a lot to do while true self is participating in the meeting.  At the end of the meeting false self walks the body back to your desk.

 

The puppeteer

Let’s put all of these ideas together.  True self is standing on the balcony observing false self operate the body.  True self is watching all the false self thoughts go by.

 

Most of these thoughts are about fear, anger, and unhappiness.  True self does not want anything to do with that kind of unhappiness so it stays on the balcony and lets the attachments go by without grabbing on to them.

 

Once true self has gotten comfortable with observing, we decide to take a bit more control of our body and our false self.  While we are standing on the balcony we rig the body and the false self with strings – just like a puppet.

 

Now we stand on the balcony and move our false self based body where we want it to go.  We want it to get in the car and drive.  We manipulate the appropriate strings to maneuver the body into the car.

 

As we are driving we notice that false self is getting upset.  We yank on the string that lets go of the attachment and false self calms down.  A little later false self starts to get afraid of its financial situation.  We manipulate the string that is holding on to that attachment and the fear is gone.

 

We gradually learn that we have this tremendous control of how we interface with the world.  We stand in our calm, quiet, and happy place on the balcony and confidently manipulate our false self and its body as if we were a master puppeteer.  You know what?  After a bit of practice doing this we become that master puppeteer.

 

That is all for today.  As always, thanks for reading.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

Talk to us!  Post a comment or a question!

 

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Don’t miss any updates.  Get daily posts by email.  Subscribe to this blog by clicking here: SUBSCRIBE

 

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Email

You can email us directly at:  noahnow@yahoo.com

 

Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

noahnow@yahoo.com

 


Simplify Our Life – Non-Supportive Family

September 23, 2008

I am sure some of you have been scratching your head and wondering what the last two posts have had to do with simplifying your life.  When I started writing about family I thought that I would be able to explain it in one or two posts.  Surprise!  It is going to take a total of five.

 

Simplify your blood family

In the last two posts we talked about our blood families.  We first talked about the idea of functional and nonfunctional families.  Then we learned about the need to examine our family.  If you have not read those posts please do so.  Reading them is pretty much a prerequisite for understanding this post.

 

Today we will look at a strategy for dealing with the results of our examination of our family.  This strategy is used when we need to get out of a non-supportive relationship.

 

We are accepted

As in all of our relationships we generally have different relationships with the different members of our blood family.  Some will totally accept us for who we are.  These are good relationships that we should attempt to maintain and nurture.  We need to accept these family members unconditionally in the same way they accept us.

 

When acceptance is conditional

Other family members will want to put conditions on their acceptance of us.  These relationships can be summarized with the phrase “if you were really my daughter and loved me you would call me more often.”   Substitute “daughter” for whatever relationship is appropriate for you.  Substitute “call me more often” for any behavior that fits the relationship.

 

These relationships based on conditional acceptance are always painful for us.  The base cause of the pain is that we are not being accepted for who we are.  We usually do not see that.  What we see is that someone is attempting to force us to do things that we do not want to do.

 

We don’t want to call our mother more often.  We don’t want to play baseball but we do so because it will make dad happy.  We don’t want to buy flowers for our sister’s birthday to prove to her that we love her.  We want to express our acceptance in our own way, but they force us to do it their way.  Then, if we do express our acceptance and caring in our own way, they conclude that we do not love them and blame us for hurting them.

 

You can see where this kind of relationship goes.  Over time we are more and more constricted in our behavior towards this relative.  We become more and more unhappy but do not want to hurt them.  This is how nonfunctional families perpetuate themselves.

 

The separation strategy

The first strategy that we will look at is the separation strategy.  This is the more drastic and more final solution.  The way this strategy works is that we commit to attempting to explain to the relative who is placing conditions on their acceptance of us that they are limiting us.

 

If at all possible we should avoid talking about how we are being hurt by them.  There are two reasons for this.  The first goes back to the idea that only the false self can be hurt.  When we talk about being hurt then we are exhibiting false self behavior.

 

The second reason that we do not talk about being hurt is that our relative will frequently respond by telling us how much we are hurting them.  “You think I hurt you? Let me tell you how much you hurt me!”  This conversation rarely is progressive or has a happy ending.

 

In the separation strategy we talk to our relative about how a relationship is limited when we accept someone only if they pass certain conditions.  We talk about how when we are more open with our acceptance we can more truly understand and like each other.

 

We also make a long term commitment to taking whatever time is required to make sure we have tried every possible way to explain ourselves to this relative.  What we are really doing is telling them that we cannot continue our relationship with them if they continue to put conditions on their acceptance of us.  Usually we do not actually say this to our restricting relative.  This is viewed as an ultimatum and detracts from the discussion.

 

We know that the relationship is too painful for us to continue unchanged.  We take whatever time we can devote and have as many discussions as we can before we choose to separate ourselves from the overly restricting relative.

 

As we separate ourselves we acknowledge to ourselves that we have done everything we can to explain our desire to build a healthy relationship with our relative.  We accept that at this time this relative is more interested in their false self behavior than in building a healthy relationship with us.  We accept them for where they are right now and vow to revisit the relationship whenever we think there might be an opening for us to continue our discussions about acceptance.

 

This can be very devastating to us when we determine that we must go forward with our lives.  We have to recognize that we did everything that we could to help our non-supportive relative to understand why we had to break off the relationship.  We have to understand that if they were coming from their true self then they would have no problem with the break up.  The fact that we had to temporarily break the relationship means that we could no longer allow their false self behavior to control what our true self needs to do.

 

All this can be very difficult to sort through while we are in the middle of it.  These are very emotionally charged situations.  This is precisely why we need to be training false self to listen to true self.  True self understands the importance of each of our relationships and is always able to determine which we need to maintain and which we need to suspend.  By listening to true self we can simplify our family relationships.

 

How is this simplifying our life?

Think about how much time and emotional energy we expend on our blood family relationships.  How much of that is in the mutually accepting and supportive category?  How much is in the dealing with conditional acceptance category?

 

Most of us spend a lot of time and emotional energy dealing with the conditional acceptance placed on us by our blood family.  Should we not turn this around and be spending more time and energy on the mutually accepting and supportive relationships?

 

By recognizing the non-supportive relationships we are simplifying our lives.  True self is determining to relate more frequently with those in our family who support us.  These supportive relationships rejuvenate us.  The non-supportive relationships only drain us.

 

We simplify our lives by first understanding the nature of our blood family relationships.  Next we learn to choose for the supportive relationships because they are beneficial to us and help us to simplify our lives.  No unnecessary time or energy is wasted on them.

 

That is all for today.  Tomorrow we will look at another strategy.  That one is called the “accept but cauterize” strategy.

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

Talk to us!  Post a comment or a question!

 

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Email

You can email us directly at:  noahnow@yahoo.com

 

Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

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Simplify Our Life – Functional Families

September 19, 2008

Yesterday we looked at simplifying our lives by choosing our friends carefully.  Family is a bit different matter and much more emotional.  However, many of us choose family over our true happiness.  Today we will look at some ideas to help us understand this choice.

 

But first…

 

Thankful Friday

As is our custom here we take a moment each Friday to thank those around us.  This week I would like to thank those who have given me encouraging feedback about what I am writing.  I thank you for taking the time to read this site and to offer your feedback.

 

As always we thank WordPress and FeedBurner.  They provide the free tools that make this site possible.  Thanks!

 

The nonfunctional family

To start our understanding of why false self is so attached to its family we must first look at the structure of the family.  When we look at most families we do not find a strong influence of true self.  There are many signs of this.  We see issues like a controlling and authoritative parent, a required strong commitment to a religious or political ideology, physical or psychological abuse, and substance abuse.

 

All of these behaviors come from false self.  This is by no means a definitive list, but it covers the most common issues that face families.

 

The way the family adjusts to these issues determines whether not it is a functional family.  In a nonfunctional family it is usually only a few members who have any one of the behaviors listed above.  The others learn to cope with the extreme false self behavior.  Rather than bring it to the attention of the one exhibiting the behavior they keep quiet and try to get along.

 

Let’s take the case of a domineering, controlling, and authoritative parent.  In this example only one of the parents exhibits this behavior.  The spouse most likely began to cope with this type of behavior before there were any children in the family.  The children learned to cope with the behavior as they grew up.

 

Is everybody happy?

Is anyone in this family really happy?  I would suggest that they are not.  The authoritative parent is not.  They are clearly coming from false self and as we have repeated, that is never a happy place.  The spouse and the children are not happy because they must repress their true self so that they do not anger the controlling parent.  Every time they strongly express any true self behavior the false self of the controlling parent views this as a threat and punishes the behavior.  Eventually everyone learns to live in fear of the controlling parent.

 

The final test of a nonfunctional family is what happens when someone needs to leave the family.  Over time the spouse and children of the nonfunctional family have learned to balance each other to keep a sense of stability in the family.  This is not true stability because it is coming from the balancing of their false self behaviors against the false self behavior of the controlling parent.

 

This apparent stability is more like a house of cards that is in a delicate stasis.  Because all the false self behaviors are linked to each other, if one person decides they need to get away from the situation to understand themselves – the whole house of cards comes down.  As it comes down everyone in the family blames the one who chose for their true self as the cause of all the pain.

 

This is not a pretty picture, but how many of us encountered a similar situation as we chose to pursue our spiritual path?  That is why I have felt the need to write about this.  Choosing for the false self based family is one of the most common reasons people never choose to listen to their true self.  At least it is that way in my experience.

 

The functional family

The functional family may not recognize that they are making choices for their true self.  They probably don’t see this.  What they understand is that they are truly happy.

 

Here are some of their behaviors that are different from the nonfunctional family.  They encourage each person in the family to learn what is important to them.  They actively support what each person wants to do as much as is possible.  The functional family wants each person to travel their own path of discovery.  In a functional family you hear “I don’t understand why you want to do that, but I will help you in whatever way I can.”  This is said with utter sincerity.

 

In a functional family the children are not told to be doctors, lawyers, or whatever the parents think they should be.  Children are not forced to participate in sports in which they have no interest.  No one cares.  As long as the child is happy, not destructive of themselves or others, and is passionate about learning – nothing else is really important.

 

A functional family does not force any religious or political ideologies on its members.  The family is strong enough to have any and all beliefs questioned.  The family understands that all ideas need to be examined on a regular basis.  If our understanding evolves, then our ideas should evolve.  A lively discussion of opposing ideas without personal rancor is a sure sign of an open minded family.

 

Finally, the functional family only wants happiness for each of the members.  The functional family does not push its members into unwanted personal relationships.  It does not determine the race, social stature, financial stature, or sexual orientation of its member’s personal relationships.  They know that happiness is more important than any of these.  If the person is not happy in the relationship then we help them understand their choice and help them back towards their true happiness.  We do not condemn them for choosing the wrong relationship with the wrong person.

 

Breaking up a functional family

Unlike the nonfunctional family that breaks up with much pain, the functional family breaks up and reassembles itself very easily.  A functional family is less likely to have interlocking false self dependencies.  The members of a functional family are much more likely to be acting from true self.  Remember, true self knows that it is complete in itself and does not need anyone else.  What do we care if a family member chooses to leave to pursue their goals?  All we want is for them to be happy in that pursuit.

 

The continuum

How many families are fully functional?  Not many.  How many families are totally nonfunctional?  Not many but more than those that are fully functional.  It is more like a continuum where most families exhibit some characteristics of a functional family as well as some from the nonfunctional family.

 

It all depends on which characteristics come into play for us as we relate to our family.  Other family members will have different experiences than ours.  Each family member experiences a different family.  We need to learn about how the family that we experience is affecting our choice for true self.  Not our sister’s choice, not our mother’s choice – our choice.

 

More on Monday

Today we have written the background for Monday’s post.  On Monday we will look at how to use these concepts of functional and nonfunctional families to simplify our relationships with our families.  Have a great weekend!

 

Until Monday –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

WordPress forces all comments to be moderated.  We usually check for comments at least twice a day.  So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.

 

Talk to us!  Post a comment or a question!

 

Subscribe

 

Don’t miss any updates.  Get daily posts by email.  Subscribe to this blog by clicking here: SUBSCRIBE

 

This email list is maintained by FeedBurner, a subsidiary of Google.  I hate to receive spam and advertisements in my email.  I will never sell your email address for such purposes.

 

Email

You can email us directly at:  noahnow@yahoo.com

 

Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

noahnow@yahoo.com

 


Don’t Dwell on What You Don’t Have

September 17, 2008

Today I will explain a very valuable technique that I use to clarify my thinking.  When I need to attain something it is easy to say “if I only had…” as a means of resolving the issue.  Today we will look at a positive way to use the perspective of our true self to attain an objective.

 

Are you ready?  Let’s go!

 

Taking inventory

Have you ever noticed that when you want to achieve or attain something you get discouraged?  There are many reasons that cause this discouragement.  Today we will look at one, and hopefully start to learn to overcome it.

 

Watch your thinking process the next time you decide to do something difficult.  See if this happens to you.

 

Let’s say we deicide to buy a car.  For some of us this may be a simple process.  For others this can be a daunting task.  False self may immediately start taking inventory.  However, watch the inventory that false self discovers.

 

It will come up with things like you don’t have enough money for the down payment, you don’t have enough money for the monthly payment, and you don’t have enough money for the insurance.  The problem is that you haven’t even decided on which car you want.  False self has already given you a bunch of “problems” that you have to overcome.  You don’t want this inventory.

 

False self gives us more unwanted inventory as we proceed down the path of getting a car.  How long will we have to wait for the car?  Do they have it in our favorite color?

 

Those are borderline negatives.  However, one of the ones false self is sure of is that we have to buy a used car.  False self cannot stand the loss through depreciation that happens to a new car.

 

True self looks for ways to accomplish

When we take a look at the false self inventory described in the previous section we find that the items are mostly ways to keep from accomplishing our goal of buying a car.  For some reason that I do not understand, false self is always looking for the ways that we “can’t” get something done.

 

We can’t buy a car because we don’t have the money.  We can’t buy a car because they do not have it in our favorite color.  We can’t buy a new car because we will lose “a lot of money” through depreciation.

True self is not interested in the ways that something “can’t” be done.  We know that there are infinitely more ways that something “can’t” be done then there are ways to do something.  True self concentrates only on the ways to do something.  There is no need to waste our time convincing ourselves with reasons that do not lead towards our goal.

 

Let’s apply that idea to the false self inventory we created about buying a car.  Before we have even chosen a car false self thinks it does not have enough money.  It uses three ways to convince itself – money for the monthly payment, the down payment, and the insurance.

 

True self lumps all the money issues together and looks at them as one issue with three separate parts.  True self waits until after we have chosen and negotiated for the car to look at the money because the specifics are not available until that point.

 

False self is worried about the availability and the color of the car.  True self does not care that much about these “problems”.  True self knows that if there is one car that is the best solution, then waiting for that car to be available is appropriate.  True self may be able to live with a less than optimal color.  However, if the only color choices are absolutely hideous, then true self realizes that this just was not the appropriate car and continues the search process.

 

Finally, true self is not that concerned about losing money by the depreciation that happens when we drive a new car off the lot.  True self may prefer to pay the extra in advance so we can control the mechanical condition of the car. 

 

True self knows that the expensive things like engine, brake, and transmission repairs can be controlled through careful driving.  True self may prefer to control the way the car is operated than to take a chance on the unknown history of a used car.  True self may look at the big picture and decide that we will save on repairs later if we buy a new car now and then maintain it properly.

 

Use this skill

Remember to look at what you do have, not what you don’t have.  I cannot stress to you how important it is to learn this skill and use it in your daily life.  This could be one of the easiest ways to learn to have true self influence many aspects of your life.  As a project manager in the corporate world I used this concept to simplify my tasks.

 

I could accomplish a lot more than my fellow managers because I spent very little time on ideas that did not lead to our goals.  When I ran meetings I would not let the conversation turn to how we “can’t do it” or what we “didn’t have.”  I would turn the discussion towards what we did have and what we could do.

 

Try this technique for a few months.  I think you will see that it can make a difference in your attitude.  For an in depth discussion about how false self views possessions and how true self uses possessions please read the blog entries for August 18 and August 19 of 2008.

 

That’s all for today.

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

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Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

noahnow@yahoo.com