So What Makes a Good Relationship?

In the last few months we have looked at some of the concepts that are part of relationships.  We have looked at how to deal with our family, the concepts of love and acceptance, and that being in the moment is how we express our unconditional love.  Today we start to take a look at how these fit into our relationships.



I have never held myself out as a relationship counselor.  I am not qualified or licensed as a professional counselor of any sort.  In my remarks I am not attempting to give anyone specific advice on how to resolve their current relationship problems.  I am only attempting to share my perspective about some of the factors that need to be a part of a mutually beneficial personal relationship.


Not my fault

Like most of you who are reading this post, I have had my problems with personal relationships.  When I was young all those problems were because of other people.  I could not imagine that I could have done anything that caused a relationship problem.


As I travelled my spiritual path I started to realize that I had a lot to learn about relationships.  Gradually I started to understand more about myself and what factor I played in my relationships.  I started to see that my level of spiritual understanding played a major role in my understanding of my relationships.


Ideal vs. real

What I observed was that there were many situations in which I unsuccessfully attempted to apply my spiritual understanding to my relationships.  I thought that if I explained where I was coming from spiritually that the other person would understand and everything would be OK.  Does this sound naïve to you?  Gradually I accepted my naïveté.


What I saw was that I was attempting to impose an ideal structure but not accepting the reality of the situation.  I thought that my spirituality would be understood and accepted by my partner in the relationship.


After having my hopes for an ideal relationship bashed several times, I decided to stand back and think about things for awhile.  To a degree, I am still thinking about my understanding of relationships.  However, I feel comfortable that I am far enough along to share some of those understandings with you.


Some tips – commitment

Both my personal experience and observation of others tell me that it can be very difficult for individuals of differing levels of commitment to form a happy relationship.  What seems to happen is that one person is hopeful that their commitment to their spirituality will rub off on the other person.


I do not think that the level of spirituality is that important.  The commitment to the spirituality seems to be the determining factor.  When both individuals are similarly committed they accept the differences in spiritual understanding.


The commitment helps them understand that the difference in level can be used for learning and growth rather than as an impediment.  In fact, if they were to view the difference in spiritual understanding as an impediment they could possibly be exhibiting false self behavior.  An equal commitment to personal growth and increasing understanding will help people bridge the gap between the amount that each one understands.


Another tip – being in the moment

We keep talking about the importance of being in the moment.  As we have said before, there is nothing more important than for us to be learning.  Being in the moment is where we find our true happiness, express our unconditional love, and truly begin to understand ourself.


In a relationship when we are in the moment we learn to get past the disagreements that always occur – even in the best of relationships.  Being in the moment is how we remain objective and refrain from getting involved in the petty squabbling that characterizes too many relationships.


And, as we learned yesterday, being in the moment is the only time we can truly express our unconditional love.  What is more important to a personal relationship than expressing our unconditional love?  The only time this can happen is when we are in the moment.


Another tip – acceptance

Yesterday we also talked about the idea of acceptance.  We have also written several posts on acceptance in the past few weeks.  Just like being in the moment there is a link between acceptance and unconditional love.


Unconditional love can only come from acceptance.  When we are not accepting we attempt to see the situation as being different than it actually is.  When we engage in this behavior we cannot express unconditional love.  The love we express will be based on our desire to see the situation differently than it actually is.


This usually means that we express our love either in response to a previous situation or because we want something in return in the future.  That is clearly conditional love.  Unconditional love comes only when we accept our partner and the situation as they are – with no conditions.


That is all for today.  Tomorrow we will continue to take a look at applying these concepts in our relationships.


Until tomorrow –


Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.



Discuss & Comment

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