Taking Responsibility Is Taking Control

Yesterday we talked at length about false self not wanting to take responsibility whenever it could get away with it.  Today we are going to see how taking responsibility can be used as a positive tool.


Take control

Yesterday we heard a few of the reasons that true self actually wants to take responsibility for our actions.  We heard about how true self learns more when we take responsibility for ourself.  We also heard about how taking responsibility helps to build our internal strength.


Today we will look at how taking responsibility actually helps us to learn to take control of our lives.


There was one idea that I found difficult to understand as I started my spiritual growth many years ago.  That idea was that every situation in my life is a result of a decision that I have made.  I discussed this idea in my post on July 28 entitled “I Have Met the Enemy and It Is Me.”  Today we will look at this idea more directly.


I chose my life

It can be very difficult to get our mind around the idea that we have chosen everything that is in our life.  We often attribute things we do not like to the fact that “we had to do it.”  This can encompass everything from our job, to our family, to why we live where we live.


Part of understanding that we must take responsibility for everything in our life is coming to grips with the fact that every bit of it is a result of our choices.  We will take a closer look at this idea in a future post, but for now let’s accept the premise that our life is a result of the choices we have made.


Our choices can empower us

Once we have accepted that everyone and everything in our life is a result of a decision we made we can start to realize that this can be very empowering. 


Many of us take a look at all the unpleasant things in our life and wonder how we could have made the decisions that caused the unpleasantness.  Remember false self?  Unpleasantness comes from false self.  Also, false self does not want to take a look at any of its problems.  No wonder we look at the unpleasantness and “problems” in our life and say that we could never have done that.


Well – if we did not do that, who did?  Hhmm… Now that we have tried to blame everyone else for our “problems” we have to ask ourselves – how are we going to fix the “problems”?


If we blame the “problems” on other people then we are also saying that they have to fix the “problems” they caused for us.  Fat chance that will happen!  Just try going to someone and saying — “By the way, do you realize that you caused me a “problem?”  Please fix it.”


OK – that was not a good idea.  So who is going to fix the “problem”?  There are two choices.  Either we expect someone else to fix our “problems” or we fix them ourselves.  I guess there is a third choice of doing nothing.  A lot of people just accept that there is no solution to their “problems” and resign themselves to an unhappy life.  I prefer not to do that.


We fix all of our “problems”

Once we finally accept that the people who cause us a problem are not going to fix it, we grudgingly start to accept that we must fix all of our problems.  As we begin this process we also realize that we are the ones who are creating the problems.  This is a valuable first step.  By realizing that we are the ones creating the problems we also start to realize that we can stop creating those problems.


The steps are usually like this:


  1. We accept that we have created at least a few of our own problems.
  2. We realize that we are the ones that will have to fix those problems.
  3. We start to see that there other problems that we have created and we start to fix those as well.
  4. As we are fixing our problems we start to discover that the problems are coming from the decisions that we are making.
  5. We gradually learn to examine our decisions so that we are aware of the possible problems that they can create.
  6. We accept the new problems that come from our decisions and gradually refine our decision making process so that we are making better decisions that have fewer problems associated with them.


The six steps listed above can take a few years to learn to integrate into our life.  On the other hand it can take only a few months or weeks.  It all depends on where we are with our spiritual growth.  In my case it took many years, but what difference does that make?  I have never claimed to be the brightest bulb in the room.


The six steps also describe how we move from decisions based on false self illusions to decisions that come from true self.  True self realizes that as we take control of the decision making process we are taking control of our life.  True self realizes that when we make a decision we are responsible for whatever happens as possible outcomes of that decision.


Many times the consequences of a decision are many years in the future.  Sometimes true self can see that far into the future when it makes the decision.  Usually false self cannot see very far into the future.  It sees the unpleasant consequences of a decision that it made many years ago and forgets that it ever made that decision.


True self experiences the unpleasant consequences of a decision made many years ago and accepts those consequences.  Many times we will remember why we made the decision.  However if we do not remember it, we at least accept that we made a decision that caused the unpleasant situation.  We are now free to go about fixing the new situation without the baggage of false self denial.


I implore you to realize that you are keeping yourself from finding your true happiness whenever you do not accept that you have created all the situations in your life.  Please do not take as long as I did to realize this.  Start now and tell yourself that you are responsible for everything in your life.  Take your control back from false self.  Soon you will realize how much more empowered and happy you have become.


That is all for today.


Until tomorrow –


Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.



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5 Responses to Taking Responsibility Is Taking Control

  1. jk says:

    Hi Noah!

    i liked what you said about taking responsiblity, though i do think there are a few things which can be helpful in reviewing a “problem”. Both are from Eckart Tolle:
    …..he says to look at situations instead of problems. When we think in terms of a situation we are in the present and know it will pass. Is it not the false self (ego) which looks at the problem and says fix it or have others fix it? the true self can examine a situation in a different light so it can be understood and accepted so we can move on in our growth.

    Again staying in the present is a key, i believe in taking responsiblity for who we really are……. it is not easy and takes constant work. jk

  2. noahnow says:

    JK –

    Thanks for the comment. I agree completely with your perspective about Eckart Tolle. I have phrased this in the past as “there are no such things as problems – just situations for us to resolve.”

    I attempt to separate myself from the term “problem” by placing quotes around it. Maybe I should just go on the record and write a post that explains my approach to the concept of “problem.”

    What fo you think?

    In short, I agree that the false self views something as a problem and immediately concludes that it cannot be resolved. True self sees a “problem” as an opportunity for learning.


  3. jk says:

    yes….i do think it is VERY IMPORTANT to differentiate between problem and situation and deal with it in the present which is the situation….it isnot enough to put quotes around problem and think we who do not have the spitritual development know the difference with problem and situation,,,,,,,,

    we need advice that helps us moment to moment as we fall out of the present….what to do and how to do it…..it is not easy…..

  4. noahnow says:

    I guess that means I should write about problems. I will do so within the next week

  5. jk says:

    Yes, i do think you need to write about problems and wahat that means from the false self. also, i do think it would be helpful to use situation instead of problem with the quotes around it.

    the other thing i do believe is important is to remind us all about the deep breath when we recognize the false self, ego and getting back into the present. All of this in words is helpful, but at the same time, if you believe in the truth/honesty of the words you are writing, the tools from Eckert Tolle help us to slide back into the present.

    I do like my son’s way of discribing true self and false self to his 5 year old daughter:
    the little self is when you wanted something like the popcorn the other night right before supper. when i said no, you got angry, cried and had a bit of meanness….well, that is the little self. the big self is when you are loving, kind, gentle and gentle. this may be simplistic for the eog and our God or creator within us, but it resonates truth……jk

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