We have not looked at any illusions in awhile. Today we will look at an illusion that keeps many of us from taking complete control of our lives. When we think things are out of our control then we think we are not responsible.
Yesterday’s post was about an idea that I read on another site during last weekend. At the time I was not able to make proper attribution to the original site. If I had read my email before I wrote that post, I would have found a note from the owner of that site. The correct site is Nerdy Renegade News. Please click the link and go to the post for October 3 to read the original post that I wrote about yesterday. Sorry Lisa.
I am not responsible
How many times have we heard this idea? This is an illusion and it is a deeply embedded false self behavior. Let’s look first at why false self wants to cling to this illusion.
As we have repeated numerous times on this site – false self does not want to take a look at the possibility it might be wrong. Because of this, false self attempts to take responsibility for as little as possible.
One of the best (and frequently humorous) ways to tell that someone is engaged in false self behavior is when they refuse to take responsibility. This can be for something that is clearly their responsibility or something that is only marginally their responsibility. The bottom line is that when they refuse to take responsibility they are in denial. Being in denial is actually proof that there is a problem that needs to be looked at.
True self seeks to take responsibility
Believe it or not, true self actually seeks to take responsibility. There are several reasons for this. The first is that true self knows that we must be truthful with those around us. When we are actually responsible for something then we must acknowledge that responsibility.
This acknowledgement can be either private or public. We must always make the private acknowledgement. This will keep us from being in denial. If a public acknowledgement is appropriate then we need to do that as well.
This is an interesting point because a public acknowledgement is not always necessary. When it is we must do so. However, as we are learning to take responsibility we will sometimes take responsibility privately but have not become strong enough to take the responsibility publicly. That is fine. We recognize that this is where we are and gradually build our internal strength so that we are able to take public responsibility as we find the strength to do so.
A strange behavior
There is an interesting offshoot of this idea that is a variation on false self illusionary behavior. This is when we take public responsibility for something because we are “expected” to do so. We do not take private responsibility because we do not think we are responsible.
True self most likely would not take public responsibility for something for which we were not responsible. It might happen, but we would clearly understand the situation. This behavior is usually just an extension of false self wanting to be in denial. We say we are responsible to “get along” while internally we are busy justifying our behavior to ourself.
Here is how we can tell the difference between true self and false self as it relates to this behavior. True self accepts the situation and recognizes that taking public responsibility is best for all concerned. False self wants to deny its responsibility to itself so it takes public responsibility but justifies to itself that it really is not responsible.
True self wants to learn
Another reason that true self wants to take responsibility when necessary is that we want to learn. Remember all the times we have said that the reason that we exist is to learn and grow and share that learning and growth with each other?
If you think about it, when we refuse to take responsibility in a situation where we are clearly responsible we are not accepting that situation. All situations are here for us to learn from them. When we do not accept the situation for what it truly is we cannot learn from it.
This is why so many of us repeat the same painful situations. We do something and we are responsible for the outcome of that behavior. We choose to go into denial and not take responsibility for our behavior. We do not learn what we should have learned because we did not think we were responsible for the outcome.
The next time the situation comes up we act the same way. We get the same unhappy results. Once again we think we are not responsible and continue our denial. We also continue to block any chance we will learn from our actions. The pattern repeats until we are in so much pain that we finally take a look at ourself. Or we die.
Do we want to become old and bitter?
Have you ever wondered why so many people get so bitter as they get old? Many of them are in tremendous denial about many things and have been so for a very long time. It is very painful to look at these things. Instead of taking responsibility for that pain they blame everyone and everything around them for their pain.
Ask yourself right now – do I want to become old and bitter or do I want to become wise and happy? The choice is yours.
If you want to become wise and happy one of the best ways to achieve that is to start taking responsibility right now for everything in your life. At first it is a very scary thought, but in time we learn that it actually brings us closer to our happiness.
That’s all for today.
Until tomorrow –
Es kava turen hai
We work towards an identical goal.
Discuss & Comment
We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point. We welcome comments and questions. Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.
WordPress forces all comments to be moderated. We usually check for comments at least twice a day. So do not be surprised if it takes a few hours for you to see your comment.
Talk to us! Post a comment or a question!
Don’t miss any updates. Get daily posts by email. Subscribe to this blog by clicking here: SUBSCRIBE
This email list is maintained by FeedBurner, a subsidiary of Google. I hate to receive spam and advertisements in my email. I will never sell your email address for such purposes.
You can email us directly at: email@example.com
© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC
The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates. All rights are reserved by the owner. For reprint information please email: