More False Self Attachments to People

Update for Email Subscribers

I have been researching the ongoing issues regarding email subscriptions.  The current status is that somehow email subscriptions for our email account have been turned off.  I cannot get them turned back on even though the account settings show this service as being active.  Also, the account is rejecting any new requests for email subscriptions.

 

I apologize for these issues.  When I set up this site two months ago my research showed that FeedBurner appeared to be the premier subscription service.  They had been quite stable and provided quality service.

 

Now, because it is free, there is very little information being published by FeedBurner regarding these issues.  The support areas on the site show that other people are having similar issues with their feeds.  Also, because it is free, there is no good way to call someone at FeedBurner to find out what is going on.

 

I will continue to research this issue and keep our readers updated as I can.  Thank you for your patience and your efforts to read this blog.  Despite the problems with FeedBurner the visits to this site have been increasing.

 

Thank you for the effort you are making to read this.

 

Let’s go to today’s post!

 

Fears and Attachments Are Interconnected

As we have heard about the true self and false for the last week or so, I hope you have seen that the false self fears and attachments are closely interconnected.  Almost every time that we looked at one we have heard about the other.  I want you to really start to feel just how interconnected these two things are.  The better you understand the interconnection the sooner you will become adept at untangling them.

 

When we first start observing our behavior we usually only see the fears.  We are afraid of our boss, our spouse, the police, and so on.  We start to deal with the fears but it may take awhile to understand the underlying attachment that caused the fearful behavior.  The paradox is that the attachment is also based on a fear.  I have had a fun time pulling apart my fears and attachments.  Possibly some of that experience might help you.

 

An Example

Let’s take an example of a fear that many of us have.  We will pull it apart and look at the underlying attachment and related fears.

 

The example that we will use is a fear of our spouse.  The specific fear that we will look at is our fear that they may hurt us if they no longer like us.  Let’s step through this from the beginning:

 

  1. Starting with the base fear of false self, we find that false self knows that it is not supposed to be alone.  It knows that it should have guidance and direction but has been trained out of looking to our true self for that direction.  When it finds someone, in this example our spouse, who accepts it that fear is somewhat assuaged.
  2. Now that the fear is somewhat assuaged, false self wants to keep it that way.  It is much happier if it does not have to look at fears.  To keep the fear in check the false self creates an attachment to our spouse.  It hopes that by keeping that person around it will not have to look at the fear.
  3. Now that the attachment is in place false self develops a new fear.  That is the fear of losing or upsetting our spouse.  Remember, the attachment is supposed to enable our spouse to assuage the underlying fear of being alone.  Now we have a fear of losing our spouse.  Our actions are based on this fear, but stem from what is mentioned in points one and two.

 

In summary: false self is fearful because it knows that it is not supposed to be alone and has not been properly trained.  This fear causes it to attach to its spouse.  That attachment in turn causes fear of losing the spouse.

 

This appears to be somewhat complicated.  When we start to look at our unhappiness it is hard enough to direct that attention to ourselves.  It is much easier to blame external situations for our unhappiness.

 

The Result

Our spouse decides that they no longer want to be with us.  Do we ask “could it be all the odd behavior we exhibited because of the attachment?”  No.  We blame it on the spouse because they have hurt us.  If we are hurt it has to be because of someone else now, doesn’t it?

 

You can see how it can take awhile to start to work through the fears and attachments.  The first step, as always, is accepting that we are the source of our unhappiness.  Then we must begin to honestly observe our behavior.

 

Gradually we will see that our spouse did not hurt us.  We acted out of a fear that came from our attachment to our spouse.  Our spouse did not reject us.  They rejected our behavior.  They probably gave us many chances to change that behavior.  After multiple chances it became apparent that we were more interested in our fear and its underlying attachment than relating to our spouse in a reasonable manner.

 

Our spouse did not understand all this.  They just saw our inability to control our behavior and rejected the behavior.  How many of us have been in more than one relationship that turned out like this?  I know that I have.

 

In reality, as we begin to understand our fears and attachments they are interrelated with other fears and attachments.  Sometimes it helps to follow one fear and its attachments to its roots.  Sometimes it is better to look at the attachments and then the fears. 

 

We can see how difficult it can become to start to pull apart our fears and attachments.  Please do not be concerned.  We all learn to do it in our own ways.  My method may help you and it might not.  It does not matter.

 

What matters is that you find your own way to resolve your fears and attachments.  As you do that you will start to notice that you are becoming a much happier person.

 

 

 

 

Until tomorrow –

 

Es kava turen hai

We work towards an identical goal.

 

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

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Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email:

 

 

 

 

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