We would like to welcome everybody back. We hope you had a safe and happy weekend. For the first few days of this week we are going look at a few more illusions. After that we will move on to a few other topics.
We have added a new item on our Recommended Resources page. It will become very important for the Crystal Children, the Indigo Children, and the Star Children to be good public speakers. If we truly believe that it is our destiny to become instrumental in helping this planet, then we will all need excellent communication skills.
Toastmasters International is an organization that teaches formal public speaking in a safe and helpful environment. Their basic program of giving 10 speeches over the course of a year will improve the public speaking skills of anyone willing to make the commitment to finishing the program.
Over the years we have been members of three different Toastmasters clubs. We helped to start two of them. Besides learning speaking skills we also advanced our spirituality through our work with Toastmasters. We also were able to practice speaking on spiritual subjects in terms that appeared to be “mainstream.”
This is a very inexpensive way to learn an extremely useful skill. During the course of a year at Toastmasters we learn formal speaking, extemporaneous speaking, and how to run a meeting. Run, don’t walk, to your nearest Toastmasters club and attend a meeting.
Go find that hammer you were using last week. It is time to smash more illusions!
At first our illusion for today will seem counterintuitive. The illusion is that we think we can make people happy.
It seems normal to attempt to cheer someone up when they are not feeling well. When someone is depressed we think we should make them happy again. After all, we view ourselves as caring individuals and aren’t we showing that we care by trying to cheer someone up?
The answer is that we should try to cheer people up – but only to a point. This post will attempt to show where the point is that we stop being helpful and start to let ourselves be trapped by the illusion.
The Adverse Affect of the Illusion
Last week we spent a lot of time looking at illusions that relate to how we find our happiness. Please review those posts before you read this one. They contain concepts that will be assumed in our explanations today.
The first adverse affect of this illusion is that we allow ourselves to get sucked back into seeking happiness from an external cause. When someone wants us to do something to make them happy, and we think by doing that something we will make them happy, we are validating the illusion.
This can become an interesting social situation. Someone wants us to do something that they think will make them happy. Then we don’t do what they want us to do because we do not want to get caught in the illusion. Now they get mad at us and blame us for making them unhappy.
You see the problem.
There are many ways to resolve the issue. Sometimes we have done something that someone else thought would make them happy just to keep them quiet. We knew we were not caught in the illusion. We actually knew that they would be unhappy later, but we did what they wanted so that they would leave us alone to do what we wanted to do.
This frequently happens in a work situation. Someone wants us to do something that comes from their illusion based thinking process. We do it because we need them to go away and leave us alone to do what really needs to be done. We don’t have to win all the battles. We just have to know why we are doing what we are doing. Then we learn from what we have done.
How to Start to See Through the Illusion
We start to see through this illusion by first learning when we are seeking our happiness from external situations. As we learn to recognize this type of behavior in ourselves we will see it that much more easily in others.
Another way to start to see through the illusion is to recognize when someone expects us to do something. As we learn that happiness comes from within we learn not to expect anything from anybody. We allow them to choose what they need to do for their happiness. After all, they cannot make us unhappy unless we allow them to do so.
When we expect something, we are usually saying “Do this to make me happy.” By being sensitive to the expectations of others we begin to see when they are expecting us to make them happy.
Find Social Lubricants
It is pretty clear that as we begin to see when other people want us to behave in a manner that will make them happy we will begin to become “antisocial”. The truth is, they are being self centered and antisocial, but it does no good to tell them that.
It can get quite interesting finding the best way to resist risking our own happiness because someone is under the illusion that we can do something to make them happy. All that we can do is to jump in and start to work on it.
We never get to the point of finding the “best” answer in all situations. Each situation is different and we learn techniques that work in a variety of situations. We learn to use “social lubricants” to smooth over the situation. We learn to smile more. We learn to take responsibility whenever anything goes wrong. There are many ways to keep a workable social situation and not get caught in the illusion. We just need to practice whenever we see the opportunity.
Finally, the best way to keep from constantly getting caught in this illusion is to have people around us who are doing the same thing that we are. As we learn to look inside for our happiness we cannot help but find others who are doing the same thing. We will recognize them because they will encourage us to be happy. They will not want us to make them happy. The more of this type of person we have around us the more relaxed we will become. And the less we will feel the need to seek out people who are not looking inside for happiness.
Well, we can put the hammers down for today. We will need them again tomorrow for another illusion, but we are done for now.
Until tomorrow –
Es kava turen hai
We work towards an identical goal.
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