Breaking Illusions – “If Only They Would be Nice, Then I Would be Happy”

Recap

Are your arms tired yet?  We have been smashing illusions all week and there are many more to go.  With so much progress being made we will be continuing our illusion smashing into next week.

 

The ability to see the illusions for what they are and to learn how to keep them from affecting our lives is the most important work we can do.  The most important service the Crystal Children, Indigo Children, and Star Children can provide to this planet is to learn how to recognize these illusions and then not get caught up in them.

 

Doing this will create more positive change on the planet than any other action we can imagine.  Don’t worry if anyone else is doing the same thing.  If we will just learn to recognize the illusions, we will be doing all we can for now.  It is immaterial what anyone else does.

 

Start swinging your hammer!  Time to smash the next illusion!

 

The Illusion – “If Only They Would be Nice, Then I Would be Happy”

We have all thought and said “If only my friends would be nice to me, then I would be happy.”  We have all thought that if we could change someone else’s opinion of us we would be happier.  We have all thought that if people would stop talking behind our back we would not get so upset with them.

 

Hopefully, we are starting to see a pattern between this illusion and several of the other illusions.  The common thread is that we are putting our happiness in the hands of an external situation.  In this illusion we are actually putting our happiness and, frequently, our feeling of self worth in someone else’s hands.

 

The Adverse Affect of the Illusion

From the previous paragraph we can see that when we think someone else can make us happy, we are giving away our power.  When we say to ourselves “if Bob would like me then I will be happy” we are giving Bob the total power to make us unhappy.

 

If Bob does not like us then we become unhappy.  If Bob likes us then we are happy.  However, we are uncomfortable and fearful because we know that Bob could later decide to not like us.  Then we would be unhappy.  Aren’t we giving Bob way too much power over how we feel?

 

Another adverse affect of this illusion is that by looking for our happiness through the acceptance of other people we never learn to accept and like ourselves.  We have to learn that one of the most important things we can do for our happiness is to learn to like ourselves.

 

So why don’t we like ourselves?  That is a complicated question, and to a degree, the answer is a little bit different for each of us.  However, a good start to understanding why we don’t like ourselves is to see that we have always been told that our happiness comes from other people liking us.

 

For many of us it is a relatively foreign concept to like ourselves and not care what others think about us.  However, that is what we must do.  Until we stop accepting that we will be unhappy if other people do not like us we will not find our true happiness inside.

 

The paradox is that the more we find our true internal happiness the more that people will naturally like us.  That is because they recognize our true happiness and like us for that.  Go figure!

 

One last adverse affect of looking for happiness through what other people think of us is that we also give away our self confidence.  Happiness and self confidence are closely tied together.  When we let other people take our self confidence away we are also giving away our happiness.  As has been mentioned in a previous blog post, we cannot be our most effective if we are not happy.  Consequently, neither can we be our most effective if we do not have the self confidence that comes with true internal happiness.

 

How to Start to See Through the Illusion

Once again, hopefully we are starting to see some patterns emerge from these discussions of illusions.  Like the other illusions, the best way to start to see through this illusion is to recognize when we start to think that we want someone to like us.

 

As we begin to see these thoughts we then start to recognize how we are giving away our happiness.  When we see the thought of wanting someone to like us we will also see that it is immediately followed by a feeling of discomfort and fear.  That discomfort comes from the internal knowing that we just gave away our power again.  That fear comes from fearing we will be hurt if we once again want someone to like us.

 

Once we start to see that pattern we start to see the exact mechanism by which we are giving away our happiness.  Now we can start to change our thinking and reclaim our happiness.

 

Now that we have started to see ourselves give away our happiness as it happens, we need to start to go back through our thinking and find where we have already given our happiness away to someone.  We need to watch to see if that relationship is causing us unhappiness.

 

At this point the problem becomes what to do if we recognize the relationship is causing us pain.  This is not a counseling session.  We are not presuming to tell anyone specifics regarding dealing with their existing relationships.

 

What we want to do is make sure we recognize when an existing relationship is giving us pain.  At that point we must ask the internal question of what do to find happiness.  That answer will be different for each of us and each of our relationships.  As always the most difficult part of the work will be to accept the answers we get.  And the most difficult part of that will to accept the answers that we don’t want to hear.  In those answers will be the most important keys to finding our happiness, and finding it quickly.

 

As with the techniques for seeing through the other miracles, this is a gradual process.  We learn to walk before we learn to run.  We start by recognizing when we are giving our happiness away by wanting someone to like us.  We learn to stop doing that.  Then we learn how to stop doing that in every part of our life.

 

Here is wishing that you find your happiness soon.

 

Tomorrow

Tomorrow we will finish up our week of smashing illusions.  We will also have our usual thankful Friday.

 

Keep your hammers ready!

 

Discuss & Comment

We do not want this blog to be a fountain of words from one view point.  We welcome comments and questions.  Please feel free to ask a question or make a comment when the mood strikes you.

 

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Copyright

© Copyright 2008 by KanDu Associates, LLC 

 

The content of this blog is copyrighted by KanDu Associates.  All rights are reserved by the owner.  For reprint information please email: noahnow@yahoo.com

 

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