Breaking Illusions – “If Only I Had… Then I Would be Happy”


Well here we are – halfway through this week’s look at some of the common illusions that catch the Crystal Children, Indigo Children, and Star Children.  Today we will look at the illusion of happiness that grabs almost all of us at one time or another.



We have added two new recommended resources.  We found an excellent site in Australia for teaching spirituality to children. sells books aimed at fostering the spirituality in children.  There is also an excellent blog post with some tips on how to nurture spirituality in children.  We have no financial relationship with this group.  We found their work and thought we should tell our readers about it.


This weekend we watched the movie Ghandi.  Elsewhere on this blog we have talked about the importance of nonviolence.  This movie makes some excellent points about how we can learn to practice that idea in our daily lives.  Here is the link to the Wikipedia article for those who are interested in more about the life of a truly exceptional man, Mahatma Ghandi.


Pull your hammers out!  Let’s go and smash another illusion!


The Illusion – “If only I had (fill in the blank), then I would be happy.


Today we will look at searching for happiness by pursuing material things.  Tomorrow we will hear how to keep other people from causing us to be unhappy.


We have all heard that money can’t buy happiness.  How many times has someone said to you that happiness comes from inside not outside?  We see that there is some truth in these sayings.  We feel that they are correct.  Yet, for some reason we still are not happy.  Why?


A very simple answer is that we see everyone else searching for their happiness in external situations.  Not wanting to be different, we do the same.  We go after the house, family, job, and car.  Isn’t everyone else acquiring those same things happy?  They sure act like they are very happy.


The answer is no – they are not happy.  They put on a happy front, but anyone who is seeking their happiness in a job, car, money, relationship, etc., is actually quite unhappy.  They hide their unhappiness from themselves and everyone else and continue their pursuit.


They think that there is something wrong with them.  “If I have the good job, the family, money in the bank, aren’t I supposed to be happy” they ask themselves.  So now they start on another round of doing things that are “supposed” to make them happy.  Which leads to more questions, and more activities that are “supposed” to make them happy?


It is no wonder that so many people end up stressed out, bitter, and unhappy.  They spend the best years of their lives chasing an illusion that is supposed to make them happy, but never does.


The Adverse Affect of the Illusion

We have already seen the first adverse affect of getting caught in this illusion.  We spend our lives chasing external happiness.  We never stop to truly understand that happiness comes from within.


Sure, we hear it said.  We feel it is right.  But do we really see that we must find that internal happiness?  Not really.  We treat those old sayings as platitudes and search for happiness in external situations just like everyone else.


Another adverse affect is that we are allowing our happiness to be controlled by external situations.  When we say we will not be happy until we have the car, the job, and the family, then we are limiting ourselves.  We are convinced that we cannot allow ourselves to be happy until we have all those things.


We get caught in the same illusion when we watch the news and convince ourselves that we need to be unhappy because of what we see.  True, when we see war, famine, murder, etc., on the news it is not pleasant.  We do not have to like what we see and hear on the news.  However, we need to recognize that the situations we see on the news are external to us and we should not allow them to affect our happiness.


This is not the same as not caring.  When we truly care, and we truly want to do something about what we see on the news, we realize that the most important thing we can do is to maintain control of ourselves.  And when we are in control of ourselves we are also in control of our happiness.


This last point can take awhile to understand.  But nevertheless, it is true.  When we are in control of ourselves we are much more effective.  That means when we are happy we are also much more effective.


How to Start to See Through the Illusion

As with all illusions, the best way to start to see through the illusion is to recognize that it is an illusion.  Once we recognize that it is an illusion, then we need to start to observe our behavior as it relates to the illusion.


The best way to start to recognize our behavior is to notice when we are unhappy.  When we see that we are unhappy all we have to do is ask ourselves why we are unhappy.  Then we need to listen for the answer.  Then we need to be honest about the answer we get.


Many times we feel that we do not get an answer when we ask these internal questions.  The truth is – we always get an answer.  It is just that frequently we do not want to hear the answer we get.  So we discard the answer.


The point here is that when we ask ourselves why we are unhappy we will always get an answer.  That answer will always have something to do with an external situation.


As we first start to practice this asking and listening for an answer we will get many answers that we do not like.  That is fine.  Take the answers you do like and work with them.  Just recognize that we will not find our internal happiness until we learn to accept the answers we do not want to hear.  We must learn to crawl before we can walk.


Recognize this is a learned behavior and that the more we practice it the better we get at doing it.  As we build our internal happiness by looking at the small answers we learn to master the technique.  Eventually we gain enough strength and confidence that we can look at the big answers that we previously discarded.


Our final technique to smash today’s illusion is to recognize when we are allowing other people’s search for happiness to affect us.  One of the easiest traps to fall into is to allow ourselves to get caught up in pursuing happiness just like the other people in our lives are pursuing their happiness.


Remember, we are Crystal, Indigo, and Star Children.  We know those around us are pursuing illusions.  We know they are unhappy and will not admit that unhappiness to themselves or anyone else.  We know that if we do what they are doing we will also find unhappiness.


Resist the temptation to be like them.  We do not have to lecture them on their choice to pursue an illusion.  We do not even have to talk about the fact that we are choosing not to follow an illusion.  We just quietly refuse to follow the illusion because we know we are choosing to find the happiness that comes from inside.


Over time, as we make this choice, we will find others who are making the same choice.  We do not have to seek them out.  They will naturally appear in our lives and there will be mutual recognition of each other’s true internal happiness.


Whew!  That was a lot for one day.  Keep your hammer ready.  Tomorrow we will smash the illusion of allowing other people to make us unhappy.


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2 Responses to Breaking Illusions – “If Only I Had… Then I Would be Happy”

  1. Jamaal says:

    I love this one.Last year I found myself beginning to take down the illusions because I was not truely happy with the way my life was going after my college graduation. Even mingling with my family became trouble some because they wanted me to become part of their unhappiness that existed for as long as I was born. I didn’t let that happen and found myself following the path of my spirit. Yes, its scary to go on this journey without the guidance we are used to, giving our power to others to show us the way. But when I think back, my spirit created illusions in order to survive and find out what I needed to and transcend it. Thanks for the read.

  2. noahnow says:

    Jamaal –

    Thank you for the comment. Here are a few thoughts:

    It can be very difficult to make the decision to pursue our happiness rather than do what our hamily wants us to do. We also had to make that decision more than twenty five years ago. Looking back now, we would have been extremely unhappy today if we had not made that decision then.

    When our families want us to do things for them to make them happy, they are being driven by the illusions which we are discussing this week. At all times our happiness comes from within.

    By wanting you to do things to make them happy they are asking you to get caught in the same illusion. It can take a lot of strength to keep from getting caught in the illusion and try to make them happy.

    However, at some point we begin to realize that we only want people in our lives who are interested in our happiness not theirs. They know that they have found their happiness, so they do not seek it from anybody else. All they want is for everybody to find their own happiness.

    As we gradually break away from people who are seeking their happiness from us we begin to find those people who are finding their own true happiness. The initial part of this journey is scary, but as we find other people who are on the same journey we actually find our true spiritual family which is quite different from our birth family.

    Also, we do not have to worry about giving our power to these people because they do not want it. They have also recognized that their power, like their happiness, comes from within them. They do not want to take your power, they want you to find your own power.

    As we learn to look inside for our happiness and our power, we also find our guidance. In effect, happiness comes when we recognize that our power and our guidance are within. We just have to remember that we have them and then rediscover them.

    Finally, our spirit does not create illusions, or get caught in illusions. Our false self does that. True self, or spirit, sees through the illusions. That is why we must look inside because that is where we will find true self.

    We will talk about true self and false self in later blog postings. However, if you have any questions please ask them. That might kick start that part of the conversation.


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